Reply to Why does my step-son dress so awful? I hate to say it, he dresses as poorly as his bio father

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is my stepson.

His mom (my DW) is a big nerd.  I don't think it's genetic, but learned because he learned to love Star Wars & Star Trek, Dr. Who, and weirdo board games from watching/playing with her.

DW will toss on a nerdy tee and leggings and rock that outfit on a weekend for errands.  However, she knows how to dress stylishly M-F and when we go out on dates.

He'll toss on nerdy tees and basketball shorts for school and it just makes me cringe so much.  I buy him clothes that are "in" and what his peers are wearing.  He'll wear a few pieces, but prefers basketball shorts year round (even though he's not at all sporty) because they're comfortable and have "really big pockets for all my things."  What things?!  You're 14!

I love him, but oy!  His lack of style is so frustrating!  He's a good looking kid and would definitely have more friends if he dressed better.  He desperately wants a girlfriend for the 8th grade spring dance this year and all I want to do is shake him and say, "you gotta hide your inner nerd until you lock it down, son!  HIDE IT!"    [/quote]Dad, I know you mean well but adolescence is a really hard time for many kids.  Forgive me if I'm reading something into this situation from my own experience as a teen but I well remember feeling like an outsider as a teen and it didn't help to have my parents disapprove of how I dressed.  I mostly wanted to know I was going to be okay being who I was (in the early 70s, not clear that that would happen) and I wanted my parents to be there for me and not pressure me to look like someone I wasn't.  Just be there for your stepson. Listen and listen and listen again.  And if he asks you for advice, then give it.  Stop buying him clothes he doesn't like to wear.

I'm not saying you're wrong about how he dresses.  I'm saying that he is the one who has to make that choice.  And be careful about giving him the message that you will love him more if he dresses a certain way.  I know you don't feel that way but it may come across that way.  And again, apologies if I'm reading my own experience into your son's and it is in fact not relevant.

And finally, parenting a teen is so hard.  You can worry and worry and see what they should do but you can' t make them do it. The lack of control you have over their choices can be really scary.  Hang in there![/quote]

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