DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.

[Anonymous]

Our daughter had a significant weight gain at her 12 year old appointment. Our pediatrician (rightfully) gave the parents a talking to. We made some changes - cooked more at home (which I hate), increased her activity, and changed the kind of desserts available. The next year she grew 4 inches and had gained 4 pounds. And now years later is perfectly healthy teen with a healthy weight that hasn’t varied more than 2 lbs in years. We said nothing to her and just implemented family changes. Swapped popcorn for chips at lunch. Offered fruit, single serving cheese, and nuts for snacks. Dinner was lean protein and veg, starches were limited. Dessert was a scoop of slow churned vanilla ice cream - not a McDonald’s sundae. I signed us up for a swim class so we swam 4 nights a week. When she expressed interest in a sport, we signed her up for some lessons so she got a really focused workout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please stop projecting your feelings on your young impressionable daughter.

I don't think OP is doing that. A 28lb weight gain over the summer is a big deal, and kids will definitely notice. Some kids might even say something. She basically gained almost a third of her previous weight. I'd be upset with my ex for not understanding how brutal some kids can be and also the health consequences.

[Anonymous]

That is a lot of weight for a short period of time. I would talk to your ex and keep it focused on the doctor's concerns. Get your DD back to her normal routine ASAP in terms of meals and fitness. I would talk to your DD too that while she is about to hit puberty, that much weight is a lot. If she goes to her father's next summer, she is going to need to stay active and watch the junk food. Has she said anything about this OP? Is she upset or concerned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are right to be concerned, and the comments here minimizing your concern are baffling to me.

30lbs is an astonishing amount to put on over a few months, regardless of whether she is overweight now.

I wouldn’t do anything until you can get to the bottom of the cause.

Poor DD. This must be very hard for her.

I gained 40 pounds and grew 5 inches in the summer between 6th & 7th grade. No one was worried. I didn't mind, because I got new clothes. I am not now, nor have I ever been overweight. Growth spurts happen during puberty.

[Anonymous]

I am two inches taller than your daughter. Wher is she carrying the weight?

[Anonymous]

OP, one thing I would wonder about is whether this is a sign that she was using eating as a retreat or comfort because she was homesick or not having fun at her dad’s house. Emotional earring, in other words. It might be something to watch out for and see if you can try to help her find other ways to cope with emotional distress.

[Anonymous]

I would want bloodwork done.

Are the step siblings overweight?

[Anonymous]

My son is 11 and put in a lot of weight last August, in a similar fashion. Completely sedentary and ate lots of McDonald’s. (Don’t ask, long story).

I just banned McDonald’s and focused on making healthy tasty meals. He was also on the school soccer team for the fall. He lost it all in about 2 months. So, about twice as long to take off as to put on. It wasn’t a diet. It was getting back to our regular eating habits.

He hasn’t started puberty yet as far as I can tell.

I don’t know how to address this with the ex. I worry an ex would take it as a personal attack. And I’m not sure how to approach your daughter without giving her issues. I likely would just go back to healthy habits, and maybe help her get access to healthier foods while with Dad?

Maybe she will tell you a little more about what was going on over the summer. Pizza every night? Does she feel comfortable requesting certain foods? would teaching her to cook for herself this winter, in prep for next summer, be helpful? I bet, if your ex is like my husband, unhealthy choices come from not wanting to shop and cook. Take out is easier.

[Anonymous]

This was me as a kid. Came back as the class fat kid. My parents didn't make a big deal about it but I never lost the weight. It was always "you'll thin out as you get taller" and it never happened. I'm still over weight as an adult and always wished I wasn't overweight. My parents probably could have subtly helped me get back on track but they are also overweight and didn't have the best food habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 11 and put in a lot of weight last August, in a similar fashion. Completely sedentary and ate lots of McDonald’s. (Don’t ask, long story).

I just banned McDonald’s and focused on making healthy tasty meals. He was also on the school soccer team for the fall. He lost it all in about 2 months. So, about twice as long to take off as to put on. It wasn’t a diet. It was getting back to our regular eating habits.

He hasn’t started puberty yet as far as I can tell.

I don’t know how to address this with the ex. I worry an ex would take it as a personal attack. And I’m not sure how to approach your daughter without giving her issues. I likely would just go back to healthy habits, and maybe help her get access to healthier foods while with Dad?

Maybe she will tell you a little more about what was going on over the summer. Pizza every night? Does she feel comfortable requesting certain foods? would teaching her to cook for herself this winter, in prep for next summer, be helpful? I bet, if your ex is like my husband, unhealthy choices come from not wanting to shop and cook. Take out is easier.

why do people let their kids eat junk food, drink soda, Mcdonald, burger king, pizza hut and ice cream in the first place? They are like poison and are banned in my house. It will cause serious health issues later on.

My oldest is 17 years old and the last time we visited a Mcdonald was 11 years ago. The last time he drank soda or ate ice cream was 2008.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is 11 and put in a lot of weight last August, in a similar fashion. Completely sedentary and ate lots of McDonald’s. (Don’t ask, long story).

I just banned McDonald’s and focused on making healthy tasty meals. He was also on the school soccer team for the fall. He lost it all in about 2 months. So, about twice as long to take off as to put on. It wasn’t a diet. It was getting back to our regular eating habits.

He hasn’t started puberty yet as far as I can tell.

I don’t know how to address this with the ex. I worry an ex would take it as a personal attack. And I’m not sure how to approach your daughter without giving her issues. I likely would just go back to healthy habits, and maybe help her get access to healthier foods while with Dad?

Maybe she will tell you a little more about what was going on over the summer. Pizza every night? Does she feel comfortable requesting certain foods? would teaching her to cook for herself this winter, in prep for next summer, be helpful? I bet, if your ex is like my husband, unhealthy choices come from not wanting to shop and cook. Take out is easier.

why do people let their kids eat junk food, drink soda, Mcdonald, burger king, pizza hut and ice cream in the first place? They are like poison and are banned in my house. It will cause serious health issues later on.

My oldest is 17 years old and the last time we visited a Mcdonald was 11 years ago. The last time he drank soda or ate ice cream was 2008.

I said don’t ask. Lol. But there’s always someone. My husband suffered a debilitating head injury and I was his primary caregiver. I also was providing part time care for my mother who has cancer and who lives an hour away. I also work ful time. After my husband was placed in a nursing home, it got easier, and I got the house back on normal habits. I’m sure you could have handled it better. But it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
why do people let their kids eat junk food, drink soda, Mcdonald, burger king, pizza hut and ice cream in the first place? They are like poison and are banned in my house. It will cause serious health issues later on.

My oldest is 17 years old and the last time we visited a Mcdonald was 11 years ago. The last time he drank soda or ate ice cream was 2008.

That is sad, because ice cream is one of life's small joys.

It is also entirely irrelevant to OP's thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
why do people let their kids eat junk food, drink soda, Mcdonald, burger king, pizza hut and ice cream in the first place? They are like poison and are banned in my house. It will cause serious health issues later on.

My oldest is 17 years old and the last time we visited a Mcdonald was 11 years ago. The last time he drank soda or ate ice cream was 2008.

That is sad, because ice cream is one of life's small joys.

It is also entirely irrelevant to OP's thread.

But it makes pp feel so much better about her small life.

[Anonymous]

NP. I'm actually not sure I'd do anything yet, especially if you think your child will be teased at school. Sometimes natural consequences are the best lesson.

I certainly wouldn't set up a situation where my house is the strict one with the strict parent harping on about weight and health and then the kids get to go to DH for vacations and relax and eat crap and have a bunch of fun.

I'd just let my child know that I'm willing to support them if they wanted to go back to the weight/size they were before and be healthy again.

But I'd also get it documented. If you need to make a case in court later about long visits not being in the best interests of the child, stuff like this would help your case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put her in a diet and make sharp, biting remarks about her weight. Shame her while eating. Also make sure she gets a deep tan because tan fat looks better.

Signed, my mother

There's a huge difference between fat shaming and responsibly parenting. A responsible parent should not ignore a 30 pound weight gain in 3 months in a tween or teen, regardless of what caused it. Yes, it needs to be handled carefully to preserve her self esteem, but to ignore it would be negligence. Too many parents let their kids grow up to become overweight, unhealthy adults because it's a hard thing to address properly. It's a very small percentage of people who are overweight for reasons beyond their control.