Always impressed by couples that are married for a long time with no kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids (or things related to the kids) cause 99% of the problems for most people. I don’t think we had one fight in the four years before we had kids. We had plenty of money, time, fun, etc.

In some ways I can see this. The biggest recurring fight we have is who is doing more with the kids and house. HOWEVER, that said, I also think having the kids gives us more meaning and purpose in life than we'd have without them.

In a way, raising them is a like a shared hobby but it's more than that. It's nice to live with the one person who is as interested in them as I am. They bring us together more than push us apart.

You're the exception rather than the norm from my experience as a divorce attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids (or things related to the kids) cause 99% of the problems for most people. I don’t think we had one fight in the four years before we had kids. We had plenty of money, time, fun, etc.

In some ways I can see this. The biggest recurring fight we have is who is doing more with the kids and house. HOWEVER, that said, I also think having the kids gives us more meaning and purpose in life than we'd have without them.

In a way, raising them is a like a shared hobby but it's more than that. It's nice to live with the one person who is as interested in them as I am. They bring us together more than push us apart.

You're the exception rather than the norm from my experience as a divorce attorney.

But if you're a divorce attorney you're mostly seeing the couples that are divorcing. You don't get to see the happy couples. Skewed sample. More relevant are the stats posted earlier that childless couples divorce at a higher rate (and many probably don't even bother with a divorce attorney, so you don't see as many of those either, also skewing your sample).

[Anonymous]

We were together for 10 years before we had kids. It was great - dual income, no childcare logistics, he took care of the yard and I did the housework. We split bills. Weekends we worked on the house, hung out, played music, drank beer or wine, had people over.

If your compatible it isn't work to be together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids (or things related to the kids) cause 99% of the problems for most people. I don’t think we had one fight in the four years before we had kids. We had plenty of money, time, fun, etc.

In some ways I can see this. The biggest recurring fight we have is who is doing more with the kids and house. HOWEVER, that said, I also think having the kids gives us more meaning and purpose in life than we'd have without them.

In a way, raising them is a like a shared hobby but it's more than that. It's nice to live with the one person who is as interested in them as I am. They bring us together more than push us apart.

You're the exception rather than the norm from my experience as a divorce attorney.

But if you're a divorce attorney you're mostly seeing the couples that are divorcing. You don't get to see the happy couples. Skewed sample. More relevant are the stats posted earlier that childless couples divorce at a higher rate (and many probably don't even bother with a divorce attorney, so you don't see as many of those either, also skewing your sample).

I'm talking about how within the sample of divorcing couples I see, it's always the kids who drive the couple apart. Differences in opinions on childcare, who does what...If childfree couples do divorce at higher rates, good for them. They won't be burdening the new partner with a stepkid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids (or things related to the kids) cause 99% of the problems for most people. I don’t think we had one fight in the four years before we had kids. We had plenty of money, time, fun, etc.

In some ways I can see this. The biggest recurring fight we have is who is doing more with the kids and house. HOWEVER, that said, I also think having the kids gives us more meaning and purpose in life than we'd have without them.

In a way, raising them is a like a shared hobby but it's more than that. It's nice to live with the one person who is as interested in them as I am. They bring us together more than push us apart.

You're the exception rather than the norm from my experience as a divorce attorney.

But if you're a divorce attorney you're mostly seeing the couples that are divorcing. You don't get to see the happy couples. Skewed sample. More relevant are the stats posted earlier that childless couples divorce at a higher rate (and many probably don't even bother with a divorce attorney, so you don't see as many of those either, also skewing your sample).

But I’d venture to say there’s as many if not more married couples with kids who are miserable and WANT to divorce but “stay together for the kids.” That should count for something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duh! I see so many unhappy families with kids and I feel pretty smug that my DH and I are childfree. We are together because we love each other and not staying together for someone else's sake.

I feel sorry for you. You literally don't know what you're missing.

I’m sorry most of you are stuck with guys you settled for because your biological clock was ticking and you wouldn’t have anything to talk about if little Johnny didn’t exist. What a sad type of marriage to live in. Not PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duh! I see so many unhappy families with kids and I feel pretty smug that my DH and I are childfree. We are together because we love each other and not staying together for someone else's sake.

I feel sorry for you. You literally don't know what you're missing.

I’m sorry most of you are stuck with guys you settled for because your biological clock was ticking and you wouldn’t have anything to talk about if little Johnny didn’t exist. What a sad type of marriage to live in. Not PP.

DP, but why would you assume this is the case? People can love each other AND their kids. DH and I are a great couple AND we are so lucky to have our kids. Sure, they add stress to our lives, but I wouldn't trade the experience of parenting them (as myself and with my husband) for the world. I don't feel sorry for couples who choose not to have children, but I also think they don't know what they're missing.

[Anonymous]

In our 50s and early 60s. Kids are gone... many years now. We are happy together, but there is nothing like family. It was the best thing ever, our lives would not have been the same. Kids don't hold your marriage together- what an odd idea.

Don't forget to throw dogs in that family mix, too. Also good.

[Anonymous]

DH and I were also together 10 years before kids. We were inseparable, went to school together, vacations, lived with his parents for a time, etc. We spent all our time together and were a true team.

Then we had kids.

Now we're getting a divorce 4 years later. It completely changed everything for him and he had a mid-life crisis.

OP, I'm of the opposite view. I think it is so EASY to stay together when you only have to work and be together. Sure there are work or financial stresses (assuming no medical), but it is nothing like being sleep deprived and mentally exhausted for years on end.

[Anonymous]

I feel the opposite. That children are life’s greatest joy, so it’s stupid to wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Impressed"? Odd choice of words. The couple is immature and selfish. Nevertheless there are worst life choices, so I'll keep my mouth shut, it's their business ... but "impressed"? Not a thing to be impressed about.

Wow, you sound miserable. Jealous much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were also together 10 years before kids. We were inseparable, went to school together, vacations, lived with his parents for a time, etc. We spent all our time together and were a true team.

Then we had kids.

Now we're getting a divorce 4 years later. It completely changed everything for him and he had a mid-life crisis.

OP, I'm of the opposite view. I think it is so EASY to stay together when you only have to work and be together. Sure there are work or financial stresses (assuming no medical), but it is nothing like being sleep deprived and mentally exhausted for years on end.

It was never the kids. This is where you find out who you married. If it wasn't the kids they were going to bail for another reason. Kids are not that hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duh! I see so many unhappy families with kids and I feel pretty smug that my DH and I are childfree. We are together because we love each other and not staying together for someone else's sake.

I feel sorry for you. You literally don't know what you're missing.

Huh? What am I missing? Spending hours making small talk with other parents while some pipsqueak plays laser tag? My time is way more valuable than that.

Np. I’m sure I look at my kids with mom goggles on but what I see when I look at them strikes me as beautiful and lovely. I was watching my 6 yo swim around in a pool today pretending to be a mermaid and I thought how cute she was and how I was so lucky to have her in my life. I find them endlessly fascinating. My son just flopped down next to me and I thought “how handsome is he.” He is beautiful to me.

I have these kinds of thoughts all the time. Just looking at them brings joy and pleasure to my heart and raising them gives my life purpose, meaning, and structure.

Not to say I am never frustrated or tired or angry. But the positives vastly outweigh the negatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were also together 10 years before kids. We were inseparable, went to school together, vacations, lived with his parents for a time, etc. We spent all our time together and were a true team.

Then we had kids.

Now we're getting a divorce 4 years later. It completely changed everything for him and he had a mid-life crisis.

OP, I'm of the opposite view. I think it is so EASY to stay together when you only have to work and be together. Sure there are work or financial stresses (assuming no medical), but it is nothing like being sleep deprived and mentally exhausted for years on end.

+1 Agree completely. I am the pp who has been with DH for 18 years prior to having kids. Marriage without kids is WAY easier. Doesn't mean we love each other any less but bringing in another person who is totally dependent on you for everything creates a lot more work and stress than only two adults in a relationship. Our DS is 11 now and much easier but our household and lifestyle is all about him which is vastly different than the life we had prekid. We are prisoners of the school calendar for one thing and kid activities. I didn't know any kids prior to having my own but now I am constantly surrounded mostly by 10/11 yr olds and other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duh! I see so many unhappy families with kids and I feel pretty smug that my DH and I are childfree. We are together because we love each other and not staying together for someone else's sake.

I feel sorry for you. You literally don't know what you're missing.

Huh? What am I missing? Spending hours making small talk with other parents while some pipsqueak plays laser tag? My time is way more valuable than that.

Np. I’m sure I look at my kids with mom goggles on but what I see when I look at them strikes me as beautiful and lovely. I was watching my 6 yo swim around in a pool today pretending to be a mermaid and I thought how cute she was and how I was so lucky to have her in my life. I find them endlessly fascinating. My son just flopped down next to me and I thought “how handsome is he.” He is beautiful to me.

I have these kinds of thoughts all the time. Just looking at them brings joy and pleasure to my heart and raising them gives my life purpose, meaning, and structure.

Not to say I am never frustrated or tired or angry. But the positives vastly outweigh the negatives.

Talk to me when they are 17