Worried about DH's drinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH comes from a family of drinkers. However, I don't really drink much at all and have no clue what is normal or not.

DH has always been what I would consider a big drinker - I guess maybe it's not the volume but the fact that he has at least two drinks every single day. During the week, its usually a bourbon when he gets home from work and a glass or two of wine with dinner (he loves wine and collects it). On weekends, especially if we go out to dinner with friends, he probably has 2-3 bourbons and 3-4 glasses of wine. He never really seems drunk, he mostly just falls asleep on the couch when we get home.

My concern is that DH's brother is an alcoholic and just went into rehab. He was high functioning for a long time, until one day he wasn't, and sometimes I wonder that DH could have the same fate if he isn't careful. DH and his parents seemed really surprised but I wasn't - DH's brother can literally drink a whole bottle of whiskey in one night, and did fairly often.

I've tried to talk to DH about this but he really thinks I am crazy and that he absolutely does not have a problem. While I don't think he has one now per se, I worry he could one day because clearly it's in his genetics. His mom drinks like a bottle of wine every night so I would say that she too overdoes it a bit.

What do others this? Is this a reasonable amount to drink?

If he can go without alcohol for a day w/ no symptoms, he is not physically dependent. This should make it easier to break the reliance/mental addiction. There are different reasons that drinking too much is bad for you and your husband is clearly drinking too much even if he isn't an addict. (I was definitely inclined to drink too much for enjoyment/lifestyle reasons in my 20s, but I'm also definitely not an addict (e.g., I had no problem not drinking for ~9 months at a time when I was pregnant). That still doesn't mean it was good for me to binge a night or two a week.) One way of approaching this might be from a health perspective if he's touchy on the addiction angle. Maybe suggest a night or two of no drinking a week? A good way to bring down overall consumption and ensure there's no physical addiction while not putting yourself in a monitoring/nagging/judgmental role when he is drinking/you do go out.)

[Anonymous]

It is too much, just the calories alone are excessive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a lot- especially the weekend drinking. It's bad for his health, if nothing else.
Could you get into a workout program together? Join a gym or get some indoor equipment (treadmill). If he's drinking due to stress, he needs a replacement behavior.
Drinking too much and alcoholism are not necessarily the same thing- but alcoholism runs in your DH's family.

Not OP but laughing at the idea of getting my DH to exercise.

pp here- I get it. My DH could stand to drink less, eat less, and exercise more. What I learned is that, unless one has a lot of self control, bad habits have better chance of being broken via replacement behaviors. When I started to cut my coffee habit, I drank hot tea-- I associated a Starbucks with comfort, so I still had my ritual but it was healthier (and cheaper). Maybe the drinking is a comfort- associated with de- stressing, so instead of liquor, maybe even a beer to cut down on alcohol content. Two beers in an evening, or one mixed drink and a beer seems better. Instead of exercising at home, when home is associated with relaxing, join a class a night or two per week. My DH did boxing for awhile and the last thing he wanted before or after a boxing class was alcohol. I've been trying to get him to go back in our new city because overall, he took better care of himself.

None of this works for a true alcoholic- I had an immediate family member who was an alcoholic and he can never, ever drink and went to AA. He said alcoholism cost him everything that matters in life, and he's right.

[Anonymous]

Love those threads. I also love hearing about my drinking from my parents (when they see us). What does it matter what people think. I have really bad examples of sober people in my family (heart decease, stroke after years of being on everyone's case about their drinking or lack of exercising). OP, I suggest to reduce your own stress, which, in turn, will reduce your family stress. All this worrying is not good for your heart. If anything, stress will have more negative impact than the amount your husband is currently drinking.

[giaeve707]

You have really hard questions and a hard situation, but the fact that you are asking and feeling this way should give you pause. I’m proud of you for expressing your feelings to your DH but clearly he didn’t see your concern. Have you reached out to an AA support or something similar? At this point, that probably would be your best resource to guide you.

[Anonymous]

Extensive study of 1300 middle class drinkers over 30 years show moderate to heavy drinkers. 2-3 drinks a day outlive non drinkers and avoid dementia compared to non drinkers.


https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.express.co.uk/news/science/844866/dementia-beer-heavy-drinking-alzheimers-disease/amp

[Anonymous]

giaeve707 wrote:You have really hard questions and a hard situation, but the fact that you are asking and feeling this way should give you pause. I’m proud of you for expressing your feelings to your DH but clearly he didn’t see your concern. Have you reached out to an AA support or something similar? At this point, that probably would be your best resource to guide you.

Just to clarify -- OP should go to Al-Anon, not AA. Al-Anon is for people whose loved ones are alcoholics; AA is for alcoholics themselves. But yes, OP, do reach out for in-person support and advice.