How do you tell your 7 and 9 year olds their dad is an alcoholic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, note that the people here with actual experience with addiction are telling you to be honest. I'm with them.

I have a 7- and 5-year-old with an alcoholic father. The 7-year-old has has asked very pointed questions about where his dad is when he goes away. I tried to be vague at first and it clearly was making him sad and anxious and he kept asking. So finally one night, I sat him down and explained to him what alcohol is. That some people can drink a little and be ok, but other people have a hard time controlling how much they drink and that it can change their behavior and make them angry or sad or forgetful. I explained that Daddy is one of those people, so he needs doctors to help him and to stay away from alcohol. It really seemed to put my son's questions to rest and make him feel better. I've also encouraged him to talk to his dad about it, but so far my son doesn't seem comfortable doing that. He's told me, "Daddy doesn't like to talk about things." Which is true, I have to give him that. It's still hard, so my heart goes out to you, but I noticed a big change when I finally had that talk with him.

The 5-year-old hasn't seemed to notice so much or ask a lot of questions, so I haven't explained yet but know that day will come.

OP here. Yep, I noticed it. Also my older one is like yours - I know he knows something is wrong. I definitely think he needs sunlight. Thanks

[Anonymous]

there are lots of great articles and help through Alanon- I think the age was 10 for the kids tp start Alakids, but being honest and age appropriate is key- there are also articles and self eduction and support through focus on family. Many Blessings

[Anonymous]

I was raised by a functioning alcoholic father and we saw way too much, way too soon. I knew my dad drank a lot, and was sick a lot, but I thought that was normal. We had all our needs met as kids. I didn't know he was an alcoholic until health class when I was a teenager.

[Anonymous]

OP I am a sober mom and just want to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this. At some point you may want to check out Al Anon if you haven’t already but I want to stress that Al Anon is not a professional group as a PP implied. You may meet someone there who has had similar experiences, in fact I’m sure you would, but it’s not the place to go for a professional opinion on how to handle.

My kids are 10 and 7, I’ve been sober for 15+ years so they’ve never seen me drunk. They do not know the term “alcoholic” or “addict” so I don’t use that to describe myself to them. I do tell them that I can’t drink safely and part of how I learned that was because I made poor choices when drinking. They know that I go to meetings but they don’t really know what they are or what they’re about. But I am very honest when they ask me questions, to an age-appropriate point.

I don’t think it is bad or dishonest or wrong to say your DH is sick. We have had to explain mental illness and dementia and addiction to our kids w/r/t other family members and usually I say something along the lines of “some people have a brain illness called ____.” I am matter of fact and try to use accurate terminology, also within age appropriate limits. I also think, like other PPs, that these things are less scary and confusing when we as parents tell the truth.

I hope you and your family get all of the support you need and wish you the best.