Angry at friend who became a widow 2 years ago, and he approached me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him. Directly. Be an adult.

Why? If the guy was the slightest bit interested, OP would know by now. Save yourself the awkwardness, OP, and move on.

He has shown interest, and OP is angry that he hasn’t completely forgotten his wife in 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the title of your post says "he approached me". But I'm sensing the contact he made a few days after his wife's death was for support.

To be frank, it sounds like you actually approached him when you asked him out on a date at a time where he could have easily thought you were interested - after giving him appropriate grieving space. Seems like he made it clear on that date that he wasn't interested.

I believe you are trying to make this about him. You've got that twisted.

Try to let it (him) go and be good to yourself.

+1

+2 A week after she died was probably right around the time of her funeral. I think you misread what he was saying to you.

[Anonymous]

If he did come on to her a week after his wife passed I'd dump him as a friend. That's pretty crappy.

Why would any woman want that kind of person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he did come on to her a week after his wife passed I'd dump him as a friend. That's pretty crappy.

Why would any woman want that kind of person?

I would assume that he was grief stricken, overwrought, overwhelmed and navigating completely foreign and unfamiliar territory.

I would let it go and forget about it if you truly care about this friend. It sounds like he is really trying to do that....

[Anonymous]

THis seems nuts.

OP, if you're interested in seeing whether there is a romantic possibility with this man then email or call him and invite him out for coffee or dinner or something. Then see how things go and if you feel like you are interested and he is available/open say something like "You know Robert, I'm not sure where you re on this subject, but I have valued our friendship quite a lot. I would be interested in seeing whether there might be the possibility of something more between us. What do you think?"

Then let him answer and believe whatever he says.

Basically, act like an adult and allow him the opportunity to do so also. You sound like you've been reading between lines, vacillating about your own behavior and interest, maybe sending very mixed signals, etc... Grow up and communicate.

[Anonymous]

I am confused. How do you know he was trying to hookup with you a week after his wife died? You say he called you but how did he make his casual sex intentions clear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THis seems nuts.

OP, if you're interested in seeing whether there is a romantic possibility with this man then email or call him and invite him out for coffee or dinner or something. Then see how things go and if you feel like you are interested and he is available/open say something like "You know Robert, I'm not sure where you re on this subject, but I have valued our friendship quite a lot. I would be interested in seeing whether there might be the possibility of something more between us. What do you think?"

Then let him answer and believe whatever he says.

Basically, act like an adult and allow him the opportunity to do so also. You sound like you've been reading between lines, vacillating about your own behavior and interest, maybe sending very mixed signals, etc... Grow up and communicate.

I'm not sure why you'd be advising her to do this when that's exactly what happened. She invited him out, he accepted, he paid and then proceeded to tell her that he's casually dating, not wanting anything serious with anyone and still grieving.

He did communicate. She didn't like what was communicated. I wouldn't force him to go through some tortuous exercise because of her lack of comprehension skills. I'm particularly amused by her saying that she's appalled that HE would be risking this longterm friendship. If anything it sounds like he's being kind and also trying to maintain said friendship. Yes so he'd be okay with being physical but has explicitly told her that he doesn't want what she obviously does.

OP leave it. He doesn't want you the way you want him. Be offended if you want but he's told you that you're not that for him.

[Anonymous]

Way to go, OP. This is all about you.