Angry at friend who became a widow 2 years ago, and he approached me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:widower?

Yes, widower, masculine form.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you want him to have a committed relationship with you? Why? He seems at peace with his life now and he is obviously not into you at all. He is not attracted to you for more than a casual hookup.

I was just a friend to him.

What would make him think I would be okay for a casual hook up, a week after his wife died or even a year after she died, especially if he knows he isn't interested in some thing more? Why risk or ruin a 14 year friendship, when he can hook up casually with someone else?

He reached out to you because you were “safe” to him and comfortable, not because he saw your 14 year friendship as a grand basis for his next LTR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you want him to have a committed relationship with you? Why? He seems at peace with his life now and he is obviously not into you at all. He is not attracted to you for more than a casual hookup.

I was just a friend to him.

What would make him think I would be okay for a casual hook up, a week after his wife died or even a year after she died, especially if he knows he isn't interested in some thing more? Why risk or ruin a 14 year friendship, when he can hook up casually with someone else?

He reached out to you because you were “safe” to him and comfortable, not because he saw your 14 year friendship as a grand basis for his next LTR.

DP. In your OP, you just said he 'contacted' you. Now, you're saying he was looking for a 'hook up'. Which is it? Why would you think he was looking for a hook up a week after his wife died? Based on your posts, I'm thinking your batshit crazy.

[Anonymous]

Have you been hooking up with him all this time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you want him to have a committed relationship with you? Why? He seems at peace with his life now and he is obviously not into you at all. He is not attracted to you for more than a casual hookup.

I was just a friend to him.

What would make him think I would be okay for a casual hook up, a week after his wife died or even a year after she died, especially if he knows he isn't interested in some thing more? Why risk or ruin a 14 year friendship, when he can hook up casually with someone else?

He reached out to you because you were “safe” to him and comfortable, not because he saw your 14 year friendship as a grand basis for his next LTR.

DP. In your OP, you just said he 'contacted' you. Now, you're saying he was looking for a 'hook up'. Which is it? Why would you think he was looking for a hook up a week after his wife died? Based on your posts, I'm thinking your batshit crazy.

+1. What made you think he wanted to hook up with you a week after his wife died? What has he done specifically to make you think that he wants to have sex with you?

[Anonymous]

OP, the title of your post says "he approached me". But I'm sensing the contact he made a few days after his wife's death was for support.

To be frank, it sounds like you actually approached him when you asked him out on a date at a time where he could have easily thought you were interested - after giving him appropriate grieving space. Seems like he made it clear on that date that he wasn't interested.

I believe you are trying to make this about him. You've got that twisted.

Try to let it (him) go and be good to yourself.

[Anonymous]

I took that as a way to let me know he either wasn't interested in me or he wasn't interested in a serious relationship with me

Ask him. Use your words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you want him to have a committed relationship with you? Why? He seems at peace with his life now and he is obviously not into you at all. He is not attracted to you for more than a casual hookup.

I was just a friend to him.

What would make him think I would be okay for a casual hook up, a week after his wife died or even a year after she died, especially if he knows he isn't interested in some thing more? Why risk or ruin a 14 year friendship, when he can hook up casually with someone else?

OP he had just lost his wife, he probably wasn’t right in his head at a moment. If you really were a friend, you would have forgiven him for that a long time ago.

But this isn’t really about friendship, is it? It’s about you carrying a torch for him all this time, thinking that him approaching you right after his wife died meant he felt the same way about you, expecting that once he was ready to date seriously he’d come back to you again, and now feeling hurt that he hasn’t done it. I get why that hurts, but it will be easier to move on if you can be honest about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men do crazy things when their wives die.

Ask anyone who has lost their mom.

SO true. And sometimes people are just lost and sad, why can’t people understand that. Be kind!

[Anonymous]

This guy dodged a bullet when you (thankfully) turned him down in his time of grief and search for comfort. OP, you sound like a crazy, needy mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the title of your post says "he approached me". But I'm sensing the contact he made a few days after his wife's death was for support.

To be frank, it sounds like you actually approached him when you asked him out on a date at a time where he could have easily thought you were interested - after giving him appropriate grieving space. Seems like he made it clear on that date that he wasn't interested.

I believe you are trying to make this about him. You've got that twisted.

Try to let it (him) go and be good to yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

Talk to him. Directly. Be an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him. Directly. Be an adult.

Why? If the guy was the slightest bit interested, OP would know by now. Save yourself the awkwardness, OP, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him. Directly. Be an adult.

Why? If the guy was the slightest bit interested, OP would know by now. Save yourself the awkwardness, OP, and move on.

She rejected him when he made a first move. Maybe he thinks he's respecting her wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him. Directly. Be an adult.

Why? If the guy was the slightest bit interested, OP would know by now. Save yourself the awkwardness, OP, and move on.

She rejected him when he made a first move. Maybe he thinks he's respecting her wishes.

He contacted her a week after his wife died and we only have OP's word that he wanted a hookup... and even if he did want a hookup a week after his wife died, he certainly could have let OP know he is interested in her romantically when she asked him out for breakfast 1.5 yrs later. He turned her down gently by telling her he is still grieving and casually dating other women, going dancing, etc.

If a man is interested in a woman, he doesn't act like this. At this point, leave the poor guy alone.