Day and a half voyage for a wedding...what do to

[Anonymous]

If kids aren't invited to the wedding, there is absolutely no reason they need to go during the wedding, instead of at a later date.
You can not go because you will still be recovering from childbirth.
Your husband should go because it is his brother, and try to arrange some additional household help for you since you will be alone, overseas, with 3 very young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost believe this is a made up post. What in laws would be so unreasonable?

Are you new here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.

Then you welcome them to visit anytime. The planes go in both directions

[Anonymous]

No way, and I wouldn't feel guilty. A month out, you're still recovering--a 30+ hour trip is a terrible idea. A month out, and your baby hasn't had any vaccinations--no way would I take a baby that young on a flight. And kids aren't invited to the wedding? Hell no.

[Anonymous]

We spent almost a decade as expats (and had young kids for most of that time). No way in h&^% would I bring young kids that far back for a wedding unless I could combine it with a long trip back home to catch up with everyone (like 3+ weeks). We came back once a year and came back for 4-6 weeks normally (DH and I would take turns flying back to our place of residence for work since we couldn't take that much time off). The only short trips we made back were either DH or me for weddings or funerals on our own - no kids. The traveling and the jet lag is so hard on them and at that age, they can't just "rally" through.

In your case, I would definitely just send DH, wouldn't feel the least bit guilty about it and don't try to justify it. Just make your decision and live with it. Your DH should manage the communications with his family.

[Anonymous]

No way. I took kids plus a young baby to my a sib's wedding 6 hours away, and it was a completely sucky experience, the kids got sick, I was worried the baby had whooping cough, and even all these years later I look back on it and shudder. NOT WORTH IT. If you are feeling very generous, send dh plus the oldest kid. But only if you guys want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.

This is the kind of thing that comes with moving halfway around the world from your family. If you’re not around for the small stuff, there’s less leeway with other people,when you don’t make the effort for the really big stuff. Due to my DH’s work I know a lot of current/former ex pat families and it seems like they all either do a lot of traveling home for big family events, or they’re just kind of distant from their extended families generally. It’s hard to have it both ways, to not make the effort while also not having people read into it.

Expat PP. Most families of expats understand this, and would never ask their daughter or DIL to fly with a month-old baby. My parents and ILs would have positively forbidden it, and been completely fine with my missing a wedding. Understand that living far away doesn't change the risks we take. Most people are reasonable human beings. OP's ILs are not.

Depends on when BIL got engaged. Kind of crappy to decide to have another kid after the engagement has been announced knowing you’ll have to skip the wedding as a result.

That is so ridiculous it has to be a joke. Family planning takes priority over weddings. Weddings are not as important as you think.

[Anonymous]

I probably would not go with a one month old baby. I might "let" DH take the older 2 with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost believe this is a made up post. What in laws would be so unreasonable?

Not only are my in-laws this unreasonable, so are my parents!

[Anonymous]

If it were my family DH wouldn’t even go. They are being ridiculous. Tell them to set up a FaceTime link and you’ll watch it live.

[Anonymous]

I think a sibling's wedding is something I would move heaven and earth for. I flew to DH's brother's wedding last summer despite being like 36 weeks pregnant in a high risk situation. I'm ABOUT showing up for family.

But if they didn't invite your kids to the wedding...that pushes me towards thinking you have an out. They should be figuring out how to let your kids come if they are immediate siblings asking you to travel across the entire world.

Are you feds? Would this be paid for as a trip home? Perhaps you can make it longer and see more poeple?

[Anonymous]

One of you goes, the other stays home with kiddos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.

This is the kind of thing that comes with moving halfway around the world from your family. If you’re not around for the small stuff, there’s less leeway with other people,when you don’t make the effort for the really big stuff. Due to my DH’s work I know a lot of current/former ex pat families and it seems like they all either do a lot of traveling home for big family events, or they’re just kind of distant from their extended families generally. It’s hard to have it both ways, to not make the effort while also not having people read into it.

Expat PP. Most families of expats understand this, and would never ask their daughter or DIL to fly with a month-old baby. My parents and ILs would have positively forbidden it, and been completely fine with my missing a wedding. Understand that living far away doesn't change the risks we take. Most people are reasonable human beings. OP's ILs are not.

Depends on when BIL got engaged. Kind of crappy to decide to have another kid after the engagement has been announced knowing you’ll have to skip the wedding as a result.

lol?

OP - your in laws probably don't realize that they are exerting unreasonable pressure on you and how wracked you feel about it. Send your husband alone, if you can - or send him with one or two of the kids. You stay home with the newborn.

[Anonymous]

Traveling with a 1 month old is the best infant travel time. That said you and newborn don’t need to go. If it were just 1 older kid or if they were older I’d say he should bring the kids, but in your case DH should just go alone.

Also prepare yourself now for BIl’s kids to be the favored grandkids

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't travel with just one newborn so soon post partum, let alone with two more little kids. Your ILs are crazy. Hold firm and ask them to fly to you at a later date instead.