Day and a half voyage for a wedding...what do to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.

This is the kind of thing that comes with moving halfway around the world from your family. If you’re not around for the small stuff, there’s less leeway with other people,when you don’t make the effort for the really big stuff. Due to my DH’s work I know a lot of current/former ex pat families and it seems like they all either do a lot of traveling home for big family events, or they’re just kind of distant from their extended families generally. It’s hard to have it both ways, to not make the effort while also not having people read into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.

This is the kind of thing that comes with moving halfway around the world from your family. If you’re not around for the small stuff, there’s less leeway with other people,when you don’t make the effort for the really big stuff. Due to my DH’s work I know a lot of current/former ex pat families and it seems like they all either do a lot of traveling home for big family events, or they’re just kind of distant from their extended families generally. It’s hard to have it both ways, to not make the effort while also not having people read into it.

Expat PP. Most families of expats understand this, and would never ask their daughter or DIL to fly with a month-old baby. My parents and ILs would have positively forbidden it, and been completely fine with my missing a wedding. Understand that living far away doesn't change the risks we take. Most people are reasonable human beings. OP's ILs are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.

This is the kind of thing that comes with moving halfway around the world from your family. If you’re not around for the small stuff, there’s less leeway with other people,when you don’t make the effort for the really big stuff. Due to my DH’s work I know a lot of current/former ex pat families and it seems like they all either do a lot of traveling home for big family events, or they’re just kind of distant from their extended families generally. It’s hard to have it both ways, to not make the effort while also not having people read into it.

Expat PP. Most families of expats understand this, and would never ask their daughter or DIL to fly with a month-old baby. My parents and ILs would have positively forbidden it, and been completely fine with my missing a wedding. Understand that living far away doesn't change the risks we take. Most people are reasonable human beings. OP's ILs are not.

Depends on when BIL got engaged. Kind of crappy to decide to have another kid after the engagement has been announced knowing you’ll have to skip the wedding as a result.

[Anonymous]

Don't go. And the PP who thinks you should plan your babies around someone else's engagement is a straight up moron.

[Anonymous]

Depends on when BIL got engaged. Kind of crappy to decide to have another kid after the engagement has been announced knowing you’ll have to skip the wedding as a result.

Wow, really? People's reproductive plans should take a back seat to...a party?

[Anonymous]

It would be insane to go. We took a 3 hour road trip with a 6yo, 3yo, and a 5 week old, to visit a family member before a deployment, and the trip was hellish. The baby still had days and nights switched, I was still recovering from birth and out of my mind with exhaustion. The 3yo was going through a really rough adjustment with potty training set backs and general behavioral issues, and she had previously been super easy going so we were shocked. We had lots of help from family and it was a short drive away and it was still a rough weekend that I wish we had skipped.

The timing is unfortunate but there’s no way to change it and you really really should not feel guilty about skipping it. In fact, if it were my family, I would make it a game time decision if DH goes at all. Instead, you could plan a trip for when the baby is 6 months old and all of you can go together.

[Anonymous]

Did you think that everyone can plan their pregnancies exactly?

[Anonymous]

I almost believe this is a made up post. What in laws would be so unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Completely agree that you and the new baby should definitely stay home but what about having your DH take the older two kids with him? Then not only would they have a chance to visit with the in laws but you wouldn't be stuck solo parenting 3 young kids at a month or less postpartum.

I would do this OP but ONLY, and this 8s a big only, if the 2 kids are allowed at the wedding.

If not, only the husband goes.

[Anonymous]

Hell no!

[Anonymous]

Only the husband should feel compelled to go in this circumstance. We live 14 hours flight from home too and we would not attend the wedding based on what you've told us. I've missed weddings since moving overseas. It's just the way it is.

I've also attended international weddings where family members of the bride/groom (siblings) didn't attend for the same reason.

Weddings are overrated. There, I've said it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. Baby can’t even get all the basic vaccinations yet. I wouldn’t take a baby that young in a plane.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.

30 hours, nightmare and not invited? Just send your husband. He'll have good sibling and family time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.

30 hours, nightmare and not invited? Just send your husband. He'll have good sibling and family time.

[Anonymous]

You may literally still be healing. The baby will be eating every 2 hours. You will barely feel like lugging the whole family to Target, much less around the world. Tell them your doctor won't allow it.