My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I would use this as a learning lesson and not a punishment. Sounds like she got caught up in the moment. She should have just stayed out if it completely. |
Anonymous
I would be BFFs with this mom and be completely on her side so they don't sue your family. Please make it clear to the other mom that you are going to do something about this with your daughter. |
Anonymous
|
I agree with other posters that this is serious and should be addressed.
However, as you talk to your daughter, figure out went wrong, ensure she makes amends, etc., don't let your anger and frustration get in the way of making sure that she knows you still love her, even though you are deeply disappointed, and there will be a way to earn your trust back eventually. Teens (and, let's face it, sometimes adults too) often have trouble seeing that a bad situation won't last forever, and that there is a way forward to re-establishing a good relationships (at least with you, not necessarily with the teen girl). Keep your DD's mental health and long-term relationship with you in mind as you address this. |
Anonymous
Until OP knows more about the situation, I don’t see how she can consider something so drastic, particularly if this is out of character for her daughter. Sometimes taking a kid who’s done wrong and making her feel like she has nothing left to lose will make her act like she has nothing left to lose. Alternatively, moving a good kid to another school might allow her to escape the consequences of her actions (I.e. not having to look the injured party in the eye every day might alleviate the shame she would otherwise experience). |
Anonymous
What statute do you believe OP’s daughter violated? (Please note, I don’t think we know what jurisdiction OP lives/DD attends school in). |
Anonymous
Hmm. . . could be the above, could be just the boy was telling people his plans. I think the important thing is the mom of the girl was alerted or found the texts so she could intervene (yeah mom) and your DD actually is talking to you about her role. That means you have good communicatoin. Teens absolutely do stupid shit like this. I think the PP who emphasizes why this is a line one should not corss has it right. Talk about all the men that have fallen recently for crossing that line of pressuring women into sex acts. Talk about coercion. Explan why she should always want to find herself on the side of stopping any such coercions not in participating in it. If she tells you sex is not big thing. . . that's your conversation you really need to have. She'll likely tell you it is, but this couple was already going to do it. Then . . . why are they different? Who should be having sex? Under what conditions? Danger of alchohol and lack of consent issues (poor judgment after drinking is how unwanted pregnancies happen I suspect). Poor girl just opened herself up to a huge discussion she probably doesn't want to have. You should see this as an opportunity to address these important issues before something truly awful happens. I wouldn't dump all this on her in the next few days . . . but in the coming weeks. She opened the door and now you need to talk to her about these issues or get her a counselor who will. |
Anonymous
Yes yes let’s blame the real criminal. It was the boy! |
Anonymous
No. You are now just finding out who your kid really is. This isn’t a minor issue like teasing someone about the shirt they are wearing. |
Anonymous
|
Teenagers do really stupid stuff and can be mean. I remember being a teenager and kids, both boys and girls, encouraging people to do all kinds of things, trying drugs, getting drunk, speeding, etc. I think all the kids involved here need some guidance with their attitudes towards sex. Its very immature to post on snapchat that you're planning to lose your virginity. And obviously it is really unacceptable for other girls to pressure someone into having sex.
I think that a levelheaded conversation with your DD could be really helpful. There just seems to be a lot of immaturity at play here. |
Anonymous
| It's the "just get drunk" part that galls me. That means your DD drinks. |
Anonymous
Sadly I agree with this. And OP should understand that she’s not the only one to not know her kid. Remember the mass shooter getting his guns confiscated and then the father returned them to him because well why not, *his* kid would never hurt anyone with them... |
Anonymous
Voice of reason, thank you. The harpies are out tonight. |
Anonymous
Disagree. You are way off base. You've never egged anyone on to do something dumb? You've never made a joke at someone else's expense and then felt horrible about it? These are learning experiences, and let's face it, the girl who was a target willingly made herself a target by posing about it on snapchat. She needs some serious consequences, too. |
Anonymous
Not the PP, but someone doesn’t need to specify a statute for something to be illegal. And some of these issues are still being figured out anyway in the courts. Some people were shocked when Michelle Carter was convicted of manslaughter ‘just’ for calls and texts and emails. I think the safest bet is to assume that strongly encouraging a crime (like statutory rape, or for that matter underage drinking) is also a crime. So is bullying someone into allowing themselves to be the victim of a crime. Anything else is tempting fate (and karma) a bit too much for me. |
Anonymous
|
Wow OP I am shocked by how out of touch some of these posts are. Kids do dumb stuff. And it was Snapchat? The forum for some of the dumbest kind of trash talking. The DC MUM community seems like they would be clutching their pearls and lawyering up over what (ugly) communications kids are taking part in online. And, it is not right but as another poster said contact matters.
I do think this is a perfect teaching opportunity about ones social media presence. Look how ready adults are to burn her on the stake over this? |