My teen has been pressuring another girl to have sex

[Anonymous]

I just found out they my DD 15 and her friend have been pressuring another girl to have sex with her bf to the point of harassment. The mother of the girl found the text messages and took screen shots. They were telling this girl no one would want her if she didn’t go through with it and even suggesting she get drunk so she wouldn’t remember it! I’m livid. According to my DD these two individuals had planned to lose their virginity and the whole school knew about it. The phone is obviously gone. I was never one to monitor my kids texts but I will from here on out(if she’s ever gets it back.)

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Where did you go wrong?

[Anonymous]

That's so awful. I would get to therapy stat. I would also walk her to the front door of that house and demand her to give a sincere in fact apology. I would also write a very long letter to the mother really truly apologizing. I can't imagine how hellish her and her daughter's life has been. I would seriously consider making my daughter change schools and cut social ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Where did you go wrong?

I hope you're joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's so awful. I would get to therapy stat. I would also walk her to the front door of that house and demand her to give a sincere in fact apology. I would also write a very long letter to the mother really truly apologizing. I can't imagine how hellish her and her daughter's life has been. I would seriously consider making my daughter change schools and cut social ties.

+1 gotta cut out this mean girl behavior while she’s still young enough to care. Maybe have her write a research paper on human trafficking, and how this topic is no joke.

Best case scenario, this becomes a stupid thing she did as a teen that helped her behavior as a young adult.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you had a chance to sat down with your daughter and have a calm discussion about what happened?

[Anonymous]

Take a breath. I agree this is very serious. But- I would take some time to cool off before doing anything. She doesn't have her phone, no outside activities, but otherwise, take your time.

I agree this isn't great, but it can be hard to read tone. Have you gone through her other texts? Have you seen the texts she sent this girl- what specifically did she do to pressure the girl?

[Anonymous]

OP, have you had a chance to sit down with your daughter and have a calm discussion about what happened? Do you know her friend well?

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the double post...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's so awful. I would get to therapy stat. I would also walk her to the front door of that house and demand her to give a sincere in fact apology. I would also write a very long letter to the mother really truly apologizing. I can't imagine how hellish her and her daughter's life has been. I would seriously consider making my daughter change schools and cut social ties.

Ok, that seems a tad much.

[Anonymous]

So your daughter has had sex? Have you talked to her about that as well?

I can't ever imagine harassing one of my friends to have s*x with a guy.

I hope that girl finds some new friends. Your daughter has to go.

[Anonymous]

According to my daughter the girl had made a public Snapchat about losing her virginity next weeked and was loving the attention the post got but then started to have second thoughts and people started pressuring her not to back out. My DD and this other girl were good but not great friends with this girl and joined in saying things like “don’t back out now or everyone is going to think you just did for attention.” I think my DD and the other girl were also enjoying the attention this situation brought and they went way to far with it all. I will absolutely make her personally apologize to this girl. I’m so disappointed in my DD, she’s always been kind, compassionate and very level headed until this horrible incident.
-op

[Anonymous]

Why were they pressuring her? Did they want a friend to lose it first so they could get all the details on how it was/what it felt like? Was it out of curiosity or malice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a breath. I agree this is very serious. But- I would take some time to cool off before doing anything. She doesn't have her phone, no outside activities, but otherwise, take your time.

I agree this isn't great, but it can be hard to read tone. Have you gone through her other texts? Have you seen the texts she sent this girl- what specifically did she do to pressure the girl?

+ 1

This is serious, but take a breath. Get your daughter’s perspective. What prompted her to do this, how extensive was the behavior, and what did your DD hope to personally gain? I would limit and monitor her social life until you feel you have a handle on the situation. Once you know what your DD was thinking, you’ll have a better idea how to proceed.

Not every episode of bad behavior requires a therapist, and it certainly doesn’t mean you should set fire to her entire existence as a PP suggested. If this is uncharacteristic of your DD, I would be especially interested in the motivation.

[Anonymous]

You need to explain to your daughter that another young woman was recently found guilty in court for manslaughter over encouraging the suicide of another person when she was nowhere near the person, it was just using technology. It’s very serious. What your daughter is doing is basically encouraging a rape (assuming they’re underage).

No real suggestions here, but everything would be on the table for me to consider including changing schools, sending her into a program or even moving. Hopefully it’s not too late to set your daughter straight, but it will take huge commitment from you. Good luck.