MIL mad that we want to host Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry if I wasn't clear--yes, her email/communications so far have not been "enjoy hosting, but I will be staying here with my friends," they have been, "here are all the reasons we need to have Thanksgiving as a family here at my house as usual." She is trying to make us come to her. If she were just not coming, but understood that we are hosting here and having other family here, I would not be frustrated.

This helps. Thank you for clarifying.
Stand your ground. Be prepared for her working your husband on the side.

+1, clearly, as she's already talking trash about you to your SIL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it just his parents? Who else is invited?

OP here. I should have mentioned—BIL and his wife and two kids are coming and staying overnight. DH’s single cousin is coming, he can bring friends if he wants. DH aunt and uncle also coming. DH’s parents could also stay overnight with us if they choose to. We also have 2 kids.

Your MIL is being silly. She can tell her friends that times are changing and she will be going to your house this year.

Don’t push on your end though—let her sons be the ones to get her the rest of the way on this. “Mom, are you really not going to come see all of us? C’mon, we still want you to make your famous pecan pie (or whatever).”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it just his parents? Who else is invited?

OP here. I should have mentioned—BIL and his wife and two kids are coming and staying overnight. DH’s single cousin is coming, he can bring friends if he wants. DH aunt and uncle also coming. DH’s parents could also stay overnight with us if they choose to. We also have 2 kids.

Your MIL is being silly. She can tell her friends that times are changing and she will be going to your house this year.

Don’t push on your end though—let her sons be the ones to get her the rest of the way on this. “Mom, are you really not going to come see all of us? C’mon, we still want you to make your famous pecan pie (or whatever).”

Or MIL can invite them along! How nice of you, OP, to be willing to invite her friends, too. She's being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put your foot down and say “I am sorry, I hope you change your mind. The invitation stands!”

This. You can still host. You cannot make people attend.

Yep. My grandparents would see their respective sides of their families and friends before coming to see us. It's good they have a social life outside of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put your foot down and say “I am sorry, I hope you change your mind. The invitation stands!”

This. You can still host. You cannot make people attend.

Yep. My grandparents would see their respective sides of their families and friends before coming to see us. It's good they have a social life outside of you.

I agree with this, but it's too bad this isn't how the story is going. MIL isn't simply choosing not to attend, she's digging in her heels and trying to convince everyone to come to her house as usual.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL is frustrated and disappointed that she will have to give up spending her Thanksgiving with someone she's traditionally spent it with because you want to have it at a different location. It is your prerogative to host your own Thanksgiving if you'd like, but it's very understandable that she's upset she'll either not get to see your family or she won't be able to include friends she clearly cares about very much (because really, who wants to drive five hours round-trip on Thanksgiving?). Her priorities (people over location) are different than yours, and that's not an easy thing to reconcile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is frustrated and disappointed that she will have to give up spending her Thanksgiving with someone she's traditionally spent it with because you want to have it at a different location. It is your prerogative to host your own Thanksgiving if you'd like, but it's very understandable that she's upset she'll either not get to see your family or she won't be able to include friends she clearly cares about very much (because really, who wants to drive five hours round-trip on Thanksgiving?). Her priorities (people over location) are different than yours, and that's not an easy thing to reconcile.

MIL just wants to have her cake and eat it too, in other words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is frustrated and disappointed that she will have to give up spending her Thanksgiving with someone she's traditionally spent it with because you want to have it at a different location. It is your prerogative to host your own Thanksgiving if you'd like, but it's very understandable that she's upset she'll either not get to see your family or she won't be able to include friends she clearly cares about very much (because really, who wants to drive five hours round-trip on Thanksgiving?). Her priorities (people over location) are different than yours, and that's not an easy thing to reconcile.

She.
Doesn't.
Have to give up spending it with her friends.
On account of it is within driving distance, and OP has graciously *invited the friends.*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is frustrated and disappointed that she will have to give up spending her Thanksgiving with someone she's traditionally spent it with because you want to have it at a different location. It is your prerogative to host your own Thanksgiving if you'd like, but it's very understandable that she's upset she'll either not get to see your family or she won't be able to include friends she clearly cares about very much (because really, who wants to drive five hours round-trip on Thanksgiving?). Her priorities (people over location) are different than yours, and that's not an easy thing to reconcile.

And, again, some more, she hasn't actually conceded that she'll either have to not see the friends (if they even choose not to go--my parents would LOVE to be included in a situation like this), or her family. She is still insisting on hosting at her home, and trying to convince the rest of the family to do it at her home as usual.

[Anonymous]

There are 365 days a year that you could host a nice meal at your house and bring out the china, etc. Why does it have to be Thanksgiving that your MIL hosts every year? Just because you claimed it first doesn’t mean you automatically get to host. Also, I would be incredibly annoyed about someone bringing up Thanksgiving in April and doing that makes you seem nuts. Put it in perspective - it’s a turkey dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are 365 days a year that you could host a nice meal at your house and bring out the china, etc. Why does it have to be Thanksgiving that your MIL hosts every year? Just because you claimed it first doesn’t mean you automatically get to host. Also, I would be incredibly annoyed about someone bringing up Thanksgiving in April and doing that makes you seem nuts. Put it in perspective - it’s a turkey dinner.

LOL. Good one. Tell it to MIL, especially given the scores of holidays MIL has already been able to host. It’s time to share.

[Anonymous]

OP, what does everyone else say? Are you sure the BIL, cousin, Aunt/Uncle will be coming to your house? It sounds like your MIL is assuming they will come to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are 365 days a year that you could host a nice meal at your house and bring out the china, etc. Why does it have to be Thanksgiving that your MIL hosts every year? Just because you claimed it first doesn’t mean you automatically get to host. Also, I would be incredibly annoyed about someone bringing up Thanksgiving in April and doing that makes you seem nuts. Put it in perspective - it’s a turkey dinner.

LOL. Good one. Tell it to MIL, especially given the scores of holidays MIL has already been able to host. It’s time to share.

Maybe she should share but you are basically causing an enormous rift that will likely last until Thanksgiving solely because of the location. Who cares this much. Even if you “win” and get to host it’s going to be miserable with so much fighting and taking sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are 365 days a year that you could host a nice meal at your house and bring out the china, etc. Why does it have to be Thanksgiving that your MIL hosts every year? Just because you claimed it first doesn’t mean you automatically get to host. Also, I would be incredibly annoyed about someone bringing up Thanksgiving in April and doing that makes you seem nuts. Put it in perspective - it’s a turkey dinner.

Really? Well, for some it's more than just a turkey dinner. It's an extended break for school which means family can drive a little and stay overnight to spend time with family. It's about the preparation. And it's about tradition. You don't have to agree with that. It's just different from your point of view.

[Anonymous]

I don't get this "let you host". Op, you live your life. If you invite others, they accept or they don't.