MIL mad that we want to host Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked at how many families can't have reasonable conversations about holidays and make such a big deal about things. If we want to host Thanksgiving, we just tell the family that we'd love to host this year, ask about any conflicts or issues (if so, those are raised politely) and then we make a decision. No drama.

How nice for you. If only OP had such a reasonable MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I for one am delighted not to host TG this year. MIL and SIL (her daughter) are politely disputing who gets to host. But either way, not me thank goodness! SIL wants to show off her ginormous new McMansion, but I could not care less. More power to her. I will be watching the parade in my PJ’s and show up wth my side dish at the appointed hour.

1) Why do you think SIL "wants to show off her McMansion"? Why does wanting to host = "I want you to be jealous of my house" vs. "I would love to host you and share hospitality and good cheer with you"?

2) Even if SIL is excited about her new home--isn't that a good thing? Doesn't that make sense? Isn't it nice that she wants family to be part of that big moment in her life, a new home that she loves?

Because she literally NEVER wanted to host before this even though her previous home still had plenty of room. Like I said, I don’t mind, as long as I don’t have to cook. She can duke it out with her mom who is not ready to give up hosting. They tried to pull DH and I into the fight and we said “just tell us where to be and when, and what we should bring. The rest is between you two.”

Maybe she was self-conscious about her old house, especially as you and your mom seem like you don’t like her much. Why don’t you stop judging her and support her for once? I’m so glad my SIL is welcoming and caring toward me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I for one am delighted not to host TG this year. MIL and SIL (her daughter) are politely disputing who gets to host. But either way, not me thank goodness! SIL wants to show off her ginormous new McMansion, but I could not care less. More power to her. I will be watching the parade in my PJ’s and show up wth my side dish at the appointed hour.

1) Why do you think SIL "wants to show off her McMansion"? Why does wanting to host = "I want you to be jealous of my house" vs. "I would love to host you and share hospitality and good cheer with you"?

2) Even if SIL is excited about her new home--isn't that a good thing? Doesn't that make sense? Isn't it nice that she wants family to be part of that big moment in her life, a new home that she loves?

Because she literally NEVER wanted to host before this even though her previous home still had plenty of room. Like I said, I don’t mind, as long as I don’t have to cook. She can duke it out with her mom who is not ready to give up hosting. They tried to pull DH and I into the fight and we said “just tell us where to be and when, and what we should bring. The rest is between you two.”

Maybe she was self-conscious about her old house, especially as you and your mom seem like you don’t like her much. Why don’t you stop judging her and support her for once? I’m so glad my SIL is welcoming and caring toward me.

Why are you so hung up on this? I DON’T CARE who hosts as long as it’s not me. And it’s not MY mom. It’s HER mom. She is my husband’s sister.

Why do people fight about who gets to host? They should fight about who gets to NOT host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some batshit crazy folk on this forum. In what universe is it okay that the DIL has to go to MIL house on thanksgiving, Christmas , Easter , 4th if July AND TAKE AN ANNUAL VACATION to place of mil choosing EVERY YEAR????

Everyone keeps saying this happens every year (even OP says that later on) but that's wrong. OP clearly says they switch off years, so OP, it's not 7 years that this has been going on - it's been 3 (this is the 4th year, I'm assuming). And, by you arguing that this happens EVERY YEAR, yet you don't go every other year, are you being the one that finally stands up to MIL on behalf of everyone else?

Oh, and how will your schedule work when it's your turn to host MIL, but your Aunt's turn to host on your side of the family, and it's your family's turn? you can't host and bring both sides together because you'd be taking away from your Aunt's hosting turn. And if you don't host when it's your turn, all your plans kind of lose meaning because you clearly don't care enough to skip your side's turn, right?

Is it some sort of surprise that when MIL’s children got married their spouses would have parents as well or was the hope they would just marry two orphans? What they do with OP’s family is irrelevant and very bean counter-y.

well, OP is the one that brought up the bean counter-y. She laid out the rotation schedule in a previous post. And she still didn't answer how she will coordinate two rotation schedules if it's her turn to host on husband's side, yet it's their turn to be at her side's family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some batshit crazy folk on this forum. In what universe is it okay that the DIL has to go to MIL house on thanksgiving, Christmas , Easter , 4th if July AND TAKE AN ANNUAL VACATION to place of mil choosing EVERY YEAR????

Everyone keeps saying this happens every year (even OP says that later on) but that's wrong. OP clearly says they switch off years, so OP, it's not 7 years that this has been going on - it's been 3 (this is the 4th year, I'm assuming). And, by you arguing that this happens EVERY YEAR, yet you don't go every other year, are you being the one that finally stands up to MIL on behalf of everyone else?

Oh, and how will your schedule work when it's your turn to host MIL, but your Aunt's turn to host on your side of the family, and it's your family's turn? you can't host and bring both sides together because you'd be taking away from your Aunt's hosting turn. And if you don't host when it's your turn, all your plans kind of lose meaning because you clearly don't care enough to skip your side's turn, right?

Is it some sort of surprise that when MIL’s children got married their spouses would have parents as well or was the hope they would just marry two orphans? What they do with OP’s family is irrelevant and very bean counter-y.


well, OP is the one that brought up the bean counter-y. She laid out the rotation schedule in a previous post. And she still didn't answer how she will coordinate two rotation schedules if it's her turn to host on husband's side, yet it's their turn to be at her side's family.

This is not that hard to understand. We do something similar. Odd years we spend thanksgiving with my side. Even years it’s DH’s side. We each have a married sister who spends the “off” year with their own inlaws. Within the every other year pattern, there is also a host rotation. So:

2017: we hosted my family at our house
2018: we will have with DH’s side, SIL will host because we hosted in 2016
2019: back to my family - my mom or sister will host
2020: back to DH’s side, either we will host or MIL will

And so it goes. So we rotate whose family, and within each family there is also a hosting rotation.

[Anonymous]

OP made it clear, I thought. Two holidays with each side every year; switch what those holidays are every year.

year 1-DH Easter and Thanksgiving; OP 4th and Xmas
Year 2-Switch the holidays

Don’t most people share similar to this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP made it clear, I thought. Two holidays with each side every year; switch what those holidays are every year.

year 1-DH Easter and Thanksgiving; OP 4th and Xmas
Year 2-Switch the holidays

Don’t most people share similar to this?

Yes. PP is either dumb or being intentionally obtuse by repeating “but what about when it’s your turn to host both???”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some batshit crazy folk on this forum. In what universe is it okay that the DIL has to go to MIL house on thanksgiving, Christmas , Easter , 4th if July AND TAKE AN ANNUAL VACATION to place of mil choosing EVERY YEAR????

Everyone keeps saying this happens every year (even OP says that later on) but that's wrong. OP clearly says they switch off years, so OP, it's not 7 years that this has been going on - it's been 3 (this is the 4th year, I'm assuming). And, by you arguing that this happens EVERY YEAR, yet you don't go every other year, are you being the one that finally stands up to MIL on behalf of everyone else?

Oh, and how will your schedule work when it's your turn to host MIL, but your Aunt's turn to host on your side of the family, and it's your family's turn? you can't host and bring both sides together because you'd be taking away from your Aunt's hosting turn. And if you don't host when it's your turn, all your plans kind of lose meaning because you clearly don't care enough to skip your side's turn, right?

Is it some sort of surprise that when MIL’s children got married their spouses would have parents as well or was the hope they would just marry two orphans? What they do with OP’s family is irrelevant and very bean counter-y.

well, OP is the one that brought up the bean counter-y. She laid out the rotation schedule in a previous post. And she still didn't answer how she will coordinate two rotation schedules if it's her turn to host on husband's side, yet it's their turn to be at her side's family.

But what does OP’s family have to do with her MIL? Does her mother have to host everything since that’s what her MIL does? What is your point in even bringing them up?

[Anonymous]

P.S. Noticing a single bean vs. a pile of 13 beans is not "bean counting." Bean counting is "She hosted 5 events, and I've only hosted 4." You don't even have to count 1 vs. 13; if you glance at the beans, you'll see an imbalance!

[Anonymous]

IF this was my in-laws (I get along fine), I will simply choose MY family over his family. I don't care who is hosting what event, but if I am on my family's rotation schedule to host X and Y, I will set that as my priority over his side of schedule. My kids and I will stick to this, and I will let husband choose which one he wants to be at. I don't mind husband going to his parents house for X and Y. I and my kids will enjoy my time with my family without husband and in-laws.

[Anonymous]

PP above, and I DON'T care who is the host of husband side. Surely, I can have some years that I don't have to be at in-laws place for X and Ys? I don't care since it is not My FAMILY (including extended members). It is his side, so less attachment for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP made it clear, I thought. Two holidays with each side every year; switch what those holidays are every year.

year 1-DH Easter and Thanksgiving; OP 4th and Xmas
Year 2-Switch the holidays

Don’t most people share similar to this?

Nope - Thanksgiving is travel to my family; Christmas is at our house for whoever wants to come (I’m not taking children on the road with Santa gifts); Easter is with his family; 4th is a non-family holiday wherever we might be.

No one complains that the same side of the family gets the same holiday. That’s how we’ve built traditions.

[Anonymous]

Why did this thread get revived a month later?