How many kids really decline acceptances to Top 10-15 uni's for State U?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no “donut hole” if one is financially responsible. That is kind of the point."

Actually, THERE IS. For a certain group of families, after you practice the level of "financial responsibility" you are talking about for 20 or so years, and you see your parents zip through their savings in about half the time they expected or you see your neighbor lose their $300k per year job the year before their first of three DC head off to college, all of a sudden, while you know you have the money, spending it is not easy.

Lots of people become more conservative as they get older. I'm not talking about socially conservative or even politically conservative, I'm talking "I've seen too many bad things happen to too many good people, less risk taking, conservative."

I think the more financially responsible you have been, the more likely you are to end up in this version of the "donut hole".

I've heard of parents using large HELOCs, 401K loans to pay for 70K+/year schools for their kids. They are coming up with the money to pay for the schools and they are doing everything that they can to keep their kid's own student loan debt at a minimum....

It's this or choose to go to an in state school which is still not all that cheap and might even still be a stretch for some of these families.

Well that's just plain financially irresponsible. Not happening for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no “donut hole” if one is financially responsible. That is kind of the point."

Actually, THERE IS. For a certain group of families, after you practice the level of "financial responsibility" you are talking about for 20 or so years, and you see your parents zip through their savings in about half the time they expected or you see your neighbor lose their $300k per year job the year before their first of three DC head off to college, all of a sudden, while you know you have the money, spending it is not easy.

Lots of people become more conservative as they get older. I'm not talking about socially conservative or even politically conservative, I'm talking "I've seen too many bad things happen to too many good people, less risk taking, conservative."

I think the more financially responsible you have been, the more likely you are to end up in this version of the "donut hole".

I've heard of parents using large HELOCs, 401K loans to pay for 70K+/year schools for their kids. They are coming up with the money to pay for the schools and they are doing everything that they can to keep their kid's own student loan debt at a minimum....

It's this or choose to go to an in state school which is still not all that cheap and might even still be a stretch for some of these families.

Well that's just plain financially irresponsible. Not happening for us.

It is what it is. Parents love their kids and many are willing to make these sacrifices for their children even if it means living in a dump and eating ramen for the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no “donut hole” if one is financially responsible. That is kind of the point."

Actually, THERE IS. For a certain group of families, after you practice the level of "financial responsibility" you are talking about for 20 or so years, and you see your parents zip through their savings in about half the time they expected or you see your neighbor lose their $300k per year job the year before their first of three DC head off to college, all of a sudden, while you know you have the money, spending it is not easy.

Lots of people become more conservative as they get older. I'm not talking about socially conservative or even politically conservative, I'm talking "I've seen too many bad things happen to too many good people, less risk taking, conservative."

I think the more financially responsible you have been, the more likely you are to end up in this version of the "donut hole".

I've heard of parents using large HELOCs, 401K loans to pay for 70K+/year schools for their kids. They are coming up with the money to pay for the schools and they are doing everything that they can to keep their kid's own student loan debt at a minimum....

It's this or choose to go to an in state school which is still not all that cheap and might even still be a stretch for some of these families.

Well that's just plain financially irresponsible. Not happening for us.

It is what it is. Parents love their kids and many are willing to make these sacrifices for their children even if it means living in a dump and eating ramen for the rest of their lives.

I realize these parents *think* they are helping their kids. But are their kids really aware of the long-term impacts? Are the kids OK with the fact that they may then need to support their parents in their old age, are they OK with mom and dad moving in with them when they can afford their own home? If the whole family is on-board with it, then I guess, OK, you do you. But, I get the sense that these "I'll sacrifice anything!" parents aren't being straight with their kids about what this means. I love my kids too and that means helping them go to a good college we can afford AND not being a burden on them when I'm old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no “donut hole” if one is financially responsible. That is kind of the point."

Actually, THERE IS. For a certain group of families, after you practice the level of "financial responsibility" you are talking about for 20 or so years, and you see your parents zip through their savings in about half the time they expected or you see your neighbor lose their $300k per year job the year before their first of three DC head off to college, all of a sudden, while you know you have the money, spending it is not easy.

Lots of people become more conservative as they get older. I'm not talking about socially conservative or even politically conservative, I'm talking "I've seen too many bad things happen to too many good people, less risk taking, conservative."

I think the more financially responsible you have been, the more likely you are to end up in this version of the "donut hole".

I've heard of parents using large HELOCs, 401K loans to pay for 70K+/year schools for their kids. They are coming up with the money to pay for the schools and they are doing everything that they can to keep their kid's own student loan debt at a minimum....

It's this or choose to go to an in state school which is still not all that cheap and might even still be a stretch for some of these families.

Well that's just plain financially irresponsible. Not happening for us.

It is what it is. Parents love their kids and many are willing to make these sacrifices for their children even if it means living in a dump and eating ramen for the rest of their lives.

Yeah, PP. You don't love your kids if you're not willing to live in filth for them to go to Princeton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no “donut hole” if one is financially responsible. That is kind of the point."

Actually, THERE IS. For a certain group of families, after you practice the level of "financial responsibility" you are talking about for 20 or so years, and you see your parents zip through their savings in about half the time they expected or you see your neighbor lose their $300k per year job the year before their first of three DC head off to college, all of a sudden, while you know you have the money, spending it is not easy.

Lots of people become more conservative as they get older. I'm not talking about socially conservative or even politically conservative, I'm talking "I've seen too many bad things happen to too many good people, less risk taking, conservative."

I think the more financially responsible you have been, the more likely you are to end up in this version of the "donut hole".

I've heard of parents using large HELOCs, 401K loans to pay for 70K+/year schools for their kids. They are coming up with the money to pay for the schools and they are doing everything that they can to keep their kid's own student loan debt at a minimum....

It's this or choose to go to an in state school which is still not all that cheap and might even still be a stretch for some of these families.

Well that's just plain financially irresponsible. Not happening for us.

It is what it is. Parents love their kids and many are willing to make these sacrifices for their children even if it means living in a dump and eating ramen for the rest of their lives.

I realize these parents *think* they are helping their kids. But are their kids really aware of the long-term impacts? Are the kids OK with the fact that they may then need to support their parents in their old age, are they OK with mom and dad moving in with them when they can afford their own home? If the whole family is on-board with it, then I guess, OK, you do you. But, I get the sense that these "I'll sacrifice anything!" parents aren't being straight with their kids about what this means. I love my kids too and that means helping them go to a good college we can afford AND not being a burden on them when I'm old.

Maybe the parent intends to live on their pension/social security and doesn't think that their kid will have to support them.

[Anonymous]

Is Vanderbilt top 15? I turned it down for UNC. We just didn't have the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no “donut hole” if one is financially responsible. That is kind of the point."

Actually, THERE IS. For a certain group of families, after you practice the level of "financial responsibility" you are talking about for 20 or so years, and you see your parents zip through their savings in about half the time they expected or you see your neighbor lose their $300k per year job the year before their first of three DC head off to college, all of a sudden, while you know you have the money, spending it is not easy.

Lots of people become more conservative as they get older. I'm not talking about socially conservative or even politically conservative, I'm talking "I've seen too many bad things happen to too many good people, less risk taking, conservative."

I think the more financially responsible you have been, the more likely you are to end up in this version of the "donut hole".

I've heard of parents using large HELOCs, 401K loans to pay for 70K+/year schools for their kids. They are coming up with the money to pay for the schools and they are doing everything that they can to keep their kid's own student loan debt at a minimum....

It's this or choose to go to an in state school which is still not all that cheap and might even still be a stretch for some of these families.

Well that's just plain financially irresponsible. Not happening for us.

It is what it is. Parents love their kids and many are willing to make these sacrifices for their children even if it means living in a dump and eating ramen for the rest of their lives.

Yeah, PP. You don't love your kids if you're not willing to live in filth for them to go to Princeton.

Oh, the place wouldn't be filthy. Just a dump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no “donut hole” if one is financially responsible. That is kind of the point."

Actually, THERE IS. For a certain group of families, after you practice the level of "financial responsibility" you are talking about for 20 or so years, and you see your parents zip through their savings in about half the time they expected or you see your neighbor lose their $300k per year job the year before their first of three DC head off to college, all of a sudden, while you know you have the money, spending it is not easy.

Lots of people become more conservative as they get older. I'm not talking about socially conservative or even politically conservative, I'm talking "I've seen too many bad things happen to too many good people, less risk taking, conservative."

I think the more financially responsible you have been, the more likely you are to end up in this version of the "donut hole".

I've heard of parents using large HELOCs, 401K loans to pay for 70K+/year schools for their kids. They are coming up with the money to pay for the schools and they are doing everything that they can to keep their kid's own student loan debt at a minimum....

It's this or choose to go to an in state school which is still not all that cheap and might even still be a stretch for some of these families.

Well that's just plain financially irresponsible. Not happening for us.

It is what it is. Parents love their kids and many are willing to make these sacrifices for their children even if it means living in a dump and eating ramen for the rest of their lives.

I realize these parents *think* they are helping their kids. But are their kids really aware of the long-term impacts? Are the kids OK with the fact that they may then need to support their parents in their old age, are they OK with mom and dad moving in with them when they can afford their own home? If the whole family is on-board with it, then I guess, OK, you do you. But, I get the sense that these "I'll sacrifice anything!" parents aren't being straight with their kids about what this means. I love my kids too and that means helping them go to a good college we can afford AND not being a burden on them when I'm old.

Maybe the parent intends to live on their pension/social security and doesn't think that their kid will have to support them.

What a parent *thinks* and what happens in reality is often very different. Intending to live solely on one's SS payouts is just plain reckless. Also, pensions are not as common anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this thread has focused on is college as a job factory. IME, that is and should have been the role of graduate school. I went public and did fine in terms of career but it was too big, I got lost and did not do what I needed to receive an education. It was not until later in life that I paused long enough to notice that and have regrets. Sure there are people who go public for financial reasons, are suited to navigate a large environment and go on to thrive. Others don't because it doesn't fit. Private colleges are exorbitantly expensive. They also have benefits due to size, faculty and peer group to inform choices. Their reputations also smooth entry into careers and the best graduate schools. We are comparing Fords to BMW's...both can get you where you want to go but with different feels to the experience.

Disagree. Private liberals, yes. But Harvard undergrad with classes of 300+ are no different than UVA or other state schools. Harvard’s focus is their huge grad program. Undergrads are not that important.

Plus an in state UVA that goes to Harvard grad is no different than someone who went to Harvard for under and grad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no “donut hole” if one is financially responsible. That is kind of the point."

Actually, THERE IS. For a certain group of families, after you practice the level of "financial responsibility" you are talking about for 20 or so years, and you see your parents zip through their savings in about half the time they expected or you see your neighbor lose their $300k per year job the year before their first of three DC head off to college, all of a sudden, while you know you have the money, spending it is not easy.

Lots of people become more conservative as they get older. I'm not talking about socially conservative or even politically conservative, I'm talking "I've seen too many bad things happen to too many good people, less risk taking, conservative."

I think the more financially responsible you have been, the more likely you are to end up in this version of the "donut hole".

I've heard of parents using large HELOCs, 401K loans to pay for 70K+/year schools for their kids. They are coming up with the money to pay for the schools and they are doing everything that they can to keep their kid's own student loan debt at a minimum....

It's this or choose to go to an in state school which is still not all that cheap and might even still be a stretch for some of these families.

Well that's just plain financially irresponsible. Not happening for us.

It is what it is. Parents love their kids and many are willing to make these sacrifices for their children even if it means living in a dump and eating ramen for the rest of their lives.

I realize these parents *think* they are helping their kids. But are their kids really aware of the long-term impacts? Are the kids OK with the fact that they may then need to support their parents in their old age, are they OK with mom and dad moving in with them when they can afford their own home? If the whole family is on-board with it, then I guess, OK, you do you. But, I get the sense that these "I'll sacrifice anything!" parents aren't being straight with their kids about what this means. I love my kids too and that means helping them go to a good college we can afford AND not being a burden on them when I'm old.

Maybe the parent intends to live on their pension/social security and doesn't think that their kid will have to support them.

What a parent *thinks* and what happens in reality is often very different. Intending to live solely on one's SS payouts is just plain reckless. Also, pensions are not as common anymore.

There are still plenty of folks who will be collecting pensions in the not too distant future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no “donut hole” if one is financially responsible. That is kind of the point."

Actually, THERE IS. For a certain group of families, after you practice the level of "financial responsibility" you are talking about for 20 or so years, and you see your parents zip through their savings in about half the time they expected or you see your neighbor lose their $300k per year job the year before their first of three DC head off to college, all of a sudden, while you know you have the money, spending it is not easy.

Lots of people become more conservative as they get older. I'm not talking about socially conservative or even politically conservative, I'm talking "I've seen too many bad things happen to too many good people, less risk taking, conservative."

I think the more financially responsible you have been, the more likely you are to end up in this version of the "donut hole".

I've heard of parents using large HELOCs, 401K loans to pay for 70K+/year schools for their kids. They are coming up with the money to pay for the schools and they are doing everything that they can to keep their kid's own student loan debt at a minimum....

It's this or choose to go to an in state school which is still not all that cheap and might even still be a stretch for some of these families.

Well that's just plain financially irresponsible. Not happening for us.

It is what it is. Parents love their kids and many are willing to make these sacrifices for their children even if it means living in a dump and eating ramen for the rest of their lives.

This is how you equate love? Sounds like how you equate entitled brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no “donut hole” if one is financially responsible. That is kind of the point."

Actually, THERE IS. For a certain group of families, after you practice the level of "financial responsibility" you are talking about for 20 or so years, and you see your parents zip through their savings in about half the time they expected or you see your neighbor lose their $300k per year job the year before their first of three DC head off to college, all of a sudden, while you know you have the money, spending it is not easy.

Lots of people become more conservative as they get older. I'm not talking about socially conservative or even politically conservative, I'm talking "I've seen too many bad things happen to too many good people, less risk taking, conservative."

I think the more financially responsible you have been, the more likely you are to end up in this version of the "donut hole".

I've heard of parents using large HELOCs, 401K loans to pay for 70K+/year schools for their kids. They are coming up with the money to pay for the schools and they are doing everything that they can to keep their kid's own student loan debt at a minimum....

It's this or choose to go to an in state school which is still not all that cheap and might even still be a stretch for some of these families.

I wouldn't go this route myself but others might choose differently. That's all.
Well that's just plain financially irresponsible. Not happening for us.

It is what it is. Parents love their kids and many are willing to make these sacrifices for their children even if it means living in a dump and eating ramen for the rest of their lives.

This is how you equate love? Sounds like how you equate entitled brats.

[Anonymous]

^I wouldn't go that route but others might choose differently. That's all.

[Anonymous]

OP — reading between the lines of your first post, it sounds as if your DC would be applying ED to the top 15 school that you attended. Is that accurate? If so, I’d hash this out with DC and your spouse before allowing a binding app to the pricy school. What’s your response of DC says I’d prefer equally pricy non-legacy school to BSU?

Basically, I think it’s reasonable for a parent to say “convince me pricy school is worth $xK more than BSU” (assuming you actually HAVE/can afford the extra amount). Also utterly reasonable to say BSU is what we can afford or we have a set amount available to spend on your higher education and think about whether you need/want some of that to go to grad school vs pricy college.

But it would be a really effed up outcome to send DC to a school s/he doesnkt think is worth more than BSU just so you can have bragging rights and/or claim your legacy advantage.

So start by suggesting a rational approach to decisionmaking and see where it takes you (pl). Remember, you’re modeling how to make high stakes financial decisions here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this thread has focused on is college as a job factory. IME, that is and should have been the role of graduate school. I went public and did fine in terms of career but it was too big, I got lost and did not do what I needed to receive an education. It was not until later in life that I paused long enough to notice that and have regrets. Sure there are people who go public for financial reasons, are suited to navigate a large environment and go on to thrive. Others don't because it doesn't fit. Private colleges are exorbitantly expensive. They also have benefits due to size, faculty and peer group to inform choices. Their reputations also smooth entry into careers and the best graduate schools. We are comparing Fords to BMW's...both can get you where you want to go but with different feels to the experience.

Disagree. Private liberals, yes. But Harvard undergrad with classes of 300+ are no different than UVA or other state schools. Harvard’s focus is their huge grad program. Undergrads are not that important.

Plus an in state UVA that goes to Harvard grad is no different than someone who went to Harvard for under and grad.

I don't happen to believe that Harvard is a great undergraduate program among the elites but that is not the same as saying it doesn't have faculty, facility, branding and peer group advantages over UVA. One is also more likely to get into top grad schools from their undergraduate colleges or what they consider peer schools. Whether one feels those differentials are needed or worth the extra cost is closely tied to the student in question and family values of all natures. That is not the same as the choices being equivalent in all regards.