Daughter is feeling nervous about new step siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's one smart cookie because things will change drastically and not for the good. Few, if any, blended families end up being the Brady Bunch. You have no right to do this to her.

+1

your daughter sees what you cannot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's one smart cookie because things will change drastically and not for the good. Few, if any, blended families end up being the Brady Bunch. You have no right to do this to her.

+1

your daughter sees what you cannot

I'm amazed that a 9 year old focused directly and honestly on the exact things that are the most likely and probable things to actually happen. In order to achieve your wants you will be negatively impacting your daughter. If or when that reality is mentally accepted by you it will really effect you when you have a fight with your new partner in the future. The weight of your decision will make you wonder if it was all worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until your daughter is 18 to remarry. Her concerns are legitimate and real. Until your daughter is 18, she needs to be your priority, not a man or his kids. You are being very selfish by doing this for yourself and to her. Listen to your daughter.

No way. I think it's important for minor children to see loving marriages and happy couples.

The OP already showed her a bad example with her first husband. She doesn't need another bad example with the second when it will undoubtedly cause the child stress and unhappiness. The OP had her chance with hubby number 1, now it is her time to prioritize her daughter.

Parents can be in loving relationships and still make their kids a priority. She needs to be reassured things like where are you living - will she still get her own room equal to what she has now? Can she still do her activities? Will she still get mom time? What about her relationship with Dad. Its reasonable to be worried and ask questions.

+1 to all of this!

Finally a measured & reasonable response that doesn't involve sweeping generalizations, worst case scenario assumptions, or needless judgement & sanctimony!

I swear people are only like this in DCUM land!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is afraid things will change once we’re married and under the same roof.

She's right, isn't she?

+1

Divorce is hard on kids. Step families are even harder on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait until your daughter is 18 to remarry. Her concerns are legitimate and real. Until your daughter is 18, she needs to be your priority, not a man or his kids. You are being very selfish by doing this for yourself and to her. Listen to your daughter.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until your daughter is 18 to remarry. Her concerns are legitimate and real. Until your daughter is 18, she needs to be your priority, not a man or his kids. You are being very selfish by doing this for yourself and to her. Listen to your daughter.

No way. I think it's important for minor children to see loving marriages and happy couples.

The OP already showed her a bad example with her first husband. She doesn't need another bad example with the second when it will undoubtedly cause the child stress and unhappiness. The OP had her chance with hubby number 1, now it is her time to prioritize her daughter.

So because my ex husband left me for his OP, I’m not allowed to find love or get married until my daughter is 18? I guess I learned something new. What a terrible mother I am!

[Anonymous]

That should say AP not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until your daughter is 18 to remarry. Her concerns are legitimate and real. Until your daughter is 18, she needs to be your priority, not a man or his kids. You are being very selfish by doing this for yourself and to her. Listen to your daughter.

No way. I think it's important for minor children to see loving marriages and happy couples.

The OP already showed her a bad example with her first husband. She doesn't need another bad example with the second when it will undoubtedly cause the child stress and unhappiness. The OP had her chance with hubby number 1, now it is her time to prioritize her daughter.

Parents can be in loving relationships and still make their kids a priority. She needs to be reassured things like where are you living - will she still get her own room equal to what she has now? Can she still do her activities? Will she still get mom time? What about her relationship with Dad. Its reasonable to be worried and ask questions.

+1 to all of this!

Finally a measured & reasonable response that doesn't involve sweeping generalizations, worst case scenario assumptions, or needless judgement & sanctimony!

Agreed - I was wondering if there were one or two posters repeatedly posting the same thing.

It seems like a lot of projection happening here . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until your daughter is 18 to remarry. Her concerns are legitimate and real. Until your daughter is 18, she needs to be your priority, not a man or his kids. You are being very selfish by doing this for yourself and to her. Listen to your daughter.

No way. I think it's important for minor children to see loving marriages and happy couples.

The OP already showed her a bad example with her first husband. She doesn't need another bad example with the second when it will undoubtedly cause the child stress and unhappiness. The OP had her chance with hubby number 1, now it is her time to prioritize her daughter.

So because my ex husband left me for his OP, I’m not allowed to find love or get married until my daughter is 18? I guess I learned something new. What a terrible mother I am!

OP, I say this with utmost caring.

You aren't getting it! This isn't about you and your needs, this is about what is best for your daughter. Yes, you got a raw deal when your ex had an affair and moved on. But guess what? Your daughter got a worse deal! She had divorced parents and had to split her time between two households. She can NEVER spend Christmas with both parents, or have both walk her down the aisle. She had to split her visits home when she visits.

Boo hoo for you, your daughter had it ten times worse!

She's worried about the changes and she's right, it will be harder for her. If it is coming as such a shock to you that she's concerned then do her and you a favor and hold off until you have a better idea of how to manage this.

[Anonymous]

It’s going to really suck for her to suddenly have an older tween sister and an older teen brother...if you can’t see that, you’re really blind and I feel sorry for your kid. Hopefully, her father has better living conditions for her because sooner or later she’s going to want to get the hell out of your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until your daughter is 18 to remarry. Her concerns are legitimate and real. Until your daughter is 18, she needs to be your priority, not a man or his kids. You are being very selfish by doing this for yourself and to her. Listen to your daughter.

No way. I think it's important for minor children to see loving marriages and happy couples.

The OP already showed her a bad example with her first husband. She doesn't need another bad example with the second when it will undoubtedly cause the child stress and unhappiness. The OP had her chance with hubby number 1, now it is her time to prioritize her daughter.

So because my ex husband left me for his OP, I’m not allowed to find love or get married until my daughter is 18? I guess I learned something new. What a terrible mother I am!

OP, I say this with utmost caring.

You aren't getting it! This isn't about you and your needs, this is about what is best for your daughter. Yes, you got a raw deal when your ex had an affair and moved on. But guess what? Your daughter got a worse deal! She had divorced parents and had to split her time between two households. She can NEVER spend Christmas with both parents, or have both walk her down the aisle. She had to split her visits home when she visits.

Boo hoo for you, your daughter had it ten times worse!

She's worried about the changes and she's right, it will be harder for her. If it is coming as such a shock to you that she's concerned then do her and you a favor and hold off until you have a better idea of how to manage this.

My parents divorced when I was 10. I have always spent Christmas with both of them (and stepfamilies). My dad walked me down the aisle because traditionally, that’s what dads do in my religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until your daughter is 18 to remarry. Her concerns are legitimate and real. Until your daughter is 18, she needs to be your priority, not a man or his kids. You are being very selfish by doing this for yourself and to her. Listen to your daughter.

No way. I think it's important for minor children to see loving marriages and happy couples.

The OP already showed her a bad example with her first husband. She doesn't need another bad example with the second when it will undoubtedly cause the child stress and unhappiness. The OP had her chance with hubby number 1, now it is her time to prioritize her daughter.

So because my ex husband left me for his OP, I’m not allowed to find love or get married until my daughter is 18? I guess I learned something new. What a terrible mother I am!

Yes. Exactly. Because your daughter comes first.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it’s not about Christmas and her wedding it’s about all of a sudden sharing a house, a mother (who will now be a wife and a step mother) with a teen girl. That’s a tough age. She’s giving you the chance to do the right things now. Please take advantage of it for her sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it’s not about Christmas and her wedding it’s about all of a sudden sharing a house, a mother (who will now be a wife and a step mother) with a teen girl. That’s a tough age. She’s giving you the chance to do the right things now. Please take advantage of it for her sake.

OP here, I was that girl (around DD’s age) when my mom remarried. My stepfather had older kids and he and my mom ended up having two kids together. My dad also remarried and has stepkids and another biological child. Was it Brady Bunch perfect? Of course not! But it wasn’t the horror story you guys think divorce and remarriage are. I’m really close to my stepbrothers to this day!

Before anyone asks, don’t I want better for my daughter, of course I do! I would’ve loved to have never gotten divorced in the first place. Some things are beyond my control. No matter what, my daughter always has and always will come first. If anything, I’m bringing more love to her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it’s not about Christmas and her wedding it’s about all of a sudden sharing a house, a mother (who will now be a wife and a step mother) with a teen girl. That’s a tough age. She’s giving you the chance to do the right things now. Please take advantage of it for her sake.

OP here, I was that girl (around DD’s age) when my mom remarried. My stepfather had older kids and he and my mom ended up having two kids together. My dad also remarried and has stepkids and another biological child. Was it Brady Bunch perfect? Of course not! But it wasn’t the horror story you guys think divorce and remarriage are. I’m really close to my stepbrothers to this day!

Before anyone asks, don’t I want better for my daughter, of course I do! I would’ve loved to have never gotten divorced in the first place. Some things are beyond my control. No matter what, my daughter always has and always will come first. If anything, I’m bringing more love to her life.

I hope it goes the way you want it to OP. Right now you can control things. Once you are married, not so much.