How to stop feeling dread visiting IL

[Anonymous]

I personally wouldn't go every time, and I'm a person who really values family time. But I also have limited time to go away places, and I would not choose to spend it this way. Maybe go once a year for a special holiday or occasion, but otherwise send them on their merry way and plan fun stuff with my friends while they are gone. My grandmother on my mom's side hated my dad. He never came on our visits to see them, and it was totally fine for all of us.

[Anonymous]

Tell dh how you are feeling

Don’t go

Get a hotel

If she starts with you call dh over and tell her to present her list of grievances to him

Happy Festivus!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks everyone. The issue with me staying busy or leaving or being short, is she takes all of that as a personal slap in the face. Among her list of grievances was the time I took a phone call while we were visiting them even though she knew it was because I was waiting to see how my grandma was doing after a fall. She also says I don't talk enough even though I think I do. They often talk about people I don't know so yeah, not much to contribute. When I ask who these people are or something else she act annoyed that I don't know. I didn't grow up around where they are from do it's like wtf.

Ugh, anyway I don't hate her, I just hate that all the times she smiled at me she was secret taking note of things she hates about me.

The only way to cope with this is to stop caring so much what she thinks. If a woman is bothered by you keeping in touch with your own family during a medical issue she is NOT someone you can EVER please. If you stop taking phone calls, if you talk just the right amount, there will ALWAYS be something. The only way to save your sanity is to not care that she is talking shit about you.

It's hard. It will mean you DH needs to do some tough work admitting how his mother is actually much more awful than either of you thought. It will take time.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

When you figure this out please let the rest of us know. As others have said just keep the visits time-limited. Also, you might have to accept that things just are the way they are. My MIL does not like me, and I doubt that will ever change. Our marriage is strong, however, and each year it matters less and less what she thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks everyone. The issue with me staying busy or leaving or being short, is she takes all of that as a personal slap in the face. Among her list of grievances was the time I took a phone call while we were visiting them even though she knew it was because I was waiting to see how my grandma was doing after a fall. She also says I don't talk enough even though I think I do. They often talk about people I don't know so yeah, not much to contribute. When I ask who these people are or something else she act annoyed that I don't know. I didn't grow up around where they are from do it's like wtf.

Ugh, anyway I don't hate her, I just hate that all the times she smiled at me she was secret taking note of things she hates about me.

Who cares if she takes it as a personal slap in the face? Really?

That comment some tells me she is unreasonable, so you do what it takes to stay sane. She doesn’t like it, oh well!