Have you received or have you given true unconditional love?

[Anonymous]

I don't have children but I have noticed that the love I feel for my husband is much deeper than the love I feel for my parents. The love for my parents is just automatic, default, just there. For my husband it's something much more soul-consuming and overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

I guess I also love my sister and parents unconditionally. Though my sister and dad sometimes seem to do their best to test this theory.

[Anonymous]

love for a child is unconditional . for me it is very different than love of a spouse or relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids are the only people I could love no matter what the circumstances, even if they did something totally abhorrent.

Now, I've never *not* loved my parents and my husband...but they've never done anything shitty. I think if they did (husband cheated, abused me/kids, etc.) I wouldn't love them anymore. Knock on wood that it'd never get to that point!

Would you love your kids if they were physically abusive towards you?

NP here. I will love my kids until the day I die. It does not matter what they do. I would want them to go to jail if they did something horrible, but I will visit them there no matter what they did.

However, I am a very logical person so I will not let my kids walk over me. But the love I have for them is like nothing I have ever felt. It is the most vulnerable thing in my life. I feel like my heart has been cut into pieces and several pieces have been lodged into my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids are the only people I could love no matter what the circumstances, even if they did something totally abhorrent.

Now, I've never *not* loved my parents and my husband...but they've never done anything shitty. I think if they did (husband cheated, abused me/kids, etc.) I wouldn't love them anymore. Knock on wood that it'd never get to that point!

Would you love your kids if they were physically abusive towards you?

NP here. I will love my kids until the day I die. It does not matter what they do. I would want them to go to jail if they did something horrible, but I will visit them there no matter what they did.

However, I am a very logical person so I will not let my kids walk over me. But the love I have for them is like nothing I have ever felt. It is the most vulnerable thing in my life. I feel like my heart has been cut into pieces and several pieces have been lodged into my kids.

NP here. I feel the same kind of soul-consuming love (as PP put it) for my husband.

I understand that is not your experience, but it definitely exists.

And yes, I have kids.

[Anonymous]

Love for spouses should NOT be like that for kids. I stand by the "um ... gross" statement.

Love my kids, love my husband, love my dog (I even love people at work ... but again, differently! with different intensity!) ... but I could never ever say the love was the same for each of them. It isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love for spouses should NOT be like that for kids. I stand by the "um ... gross" statement.

Love my kids, love my husband, love my dog (I even love people at work ... but again, differently! with different intensity!) ... but I could never ever say the love was the same for each of them. It isn't.

English only has one word for love. Other language have different types of love like romantic love, family love, friendship love, but English only has one.

[Anonymous]

I love my husband, but it is a love that I choose and cultivate and nurture. My love for my children feels different. It is not stronger but it is not a choice. It comes from a more primal place and feels unconditional.

I don’t feel this way about my parents. I think unconditional love from a parent to child is one way. While my 3yr old currently loves me unconditionally, I do not expect that to last. At some point he will recognize that I am a flawed person just like everyone else. I don’t know if this happens from parents to children since mine are still small.

[Anonymous]

Yes for my kids and my parents.

I can't imagine my parents doing anything at this point in my life that would make me not love them. It would be different if I had been mistreated in my youth, I'm sure, but that's not my relationship with them.

No for my dog and my husband, although as previous posters expressed, I love my husband and kids equally.

If my dog bit my child, for example, off he goes. Not going to lie, that would affect my love for him. If my husband cheated or abused me or my kids, he would be gone as well.

But I have strong, true love for all of them. Conditionality is just a different concept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes for our kids
Yes for our dog
No for H, there are things he could do to make me not love him.

That's not unconditional, though. Unconditional love doesn't mean there isn't anything anyone can do to make you stop loving them, it means you love them regardless of what they give to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids are the only people I could love no matter what the circumstances, even if they did something totally abhorrent.

Now, I've never *not* loved my parents and my husband...but they've never done anything shitty. I think if they did (husband cheated, abused me/kids, etc.) I wouldn't love them anymore. Knock on wood that it'd never get to that point!

Would you love your kids if they were physically abusive towards you?

NP here. I will love my kids until the day I die. It does not matter what they do. I would want them to go to jail if they did something horrible, but I will visit them there no matter what they did.

However, I am a very logical person so I will not let my kids walk over me. But the love I have for them is like nothing I have ever felt. It is the most vulnerable thing in my life. I feel like my heart has been cut into pieces and several pieces have been lodged into my kids.

NP here. I feel the same kind of soul-consuming love (as PP put it) for my husband.

I understand that is not your experience, but it definitely exists.

And yes, I have kids.

NP. Serious question. Do you really not feel like there are things that your husband could do that would erode that love? That is the point a lot of us are making. A lot of people are saying, 'I love DH as much as I love my kids' but that really isn't the issue. The difference isn't in how much you love them today or tomorrow or how much you think you'll love them in 50 years. It is whether they could do something to make you not love them. There is NOTHING my kids could do that would make me not love them. I could end up disappointed in them, estranged from them, horrified by them, I can see all of these things. But even if my kid ended up being a school shooter or something just awful I wouldn't stop loving them. There's nothing they could do, that is unconditional.

IE I am saying that if I found out my kid was a serial rapist or something I would hope he went to jail but I would still love him. If I found out my husband was a serial rapist I would abandon him entirely and divorce him and while I'm sure it would be a long and difficult grieving process, I would not love him at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes for our kids
Yes for our dog
No for H, there are things he could do to make me not love him.

That's not unconditional, though. Unconditional love doesn't mean there isn't anything anyone can do to make you stop loving them, it means you love them regardless of what they give to you.

Um, that is exactly what 'unconditional' means. Without condition. One thing they could do and have you still love them would be to give you nothing in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids are the only people I could love no matter what the circumstances, even if they did something totally abhorrent.

Now, I've never *not* loved my parents and my husband...but they've never done anything shitty. I think if they did (husband cheated, abused me/kids, etc.) I wouldn't love them anymore. Knock on wood that it'd never get to that point!

Would you love your kids if they were physically abusive towards you?

NP here. I will love my kids until the day I die. It does not matter what they do. I would want them to go to jail if they did something horrible, but I will visit them there no matter what they did.

However, I am a very logical person so I will not let my kids walk over me. But the love I have for them is like nothing I have ever felt. It is the most vulnerable thing in my life. I feel like my heart has been cut into pieces and several pieces have been lodged into my kids.

NP here. I feel the same kind of soul-consuming love (as PP put it) for my husband.

I understand that is not your experience, but it definitely exists.

And yes, I have kids.

NP. Serious question. Do you really not feel like there are things that your husband could do that would erode that love? That is the point a lot of us are making. A lot of people are saying, 'I love DH as much as I love my kids' but that really isn't the issue. The difference isn't in how much you love them today or tomorrow or how much you think you'll love them in 50 years. It is whether they could do something to make you not love them. There is NOTHING my kids could do that would make me not love them. I could end up disappointed in them, estranged from them, horrified by them, I can see all of these things. But even if my kid ended up being a school shooter or something just awful I wouldn't stop loving them. There's nothing they could do, that is unconditional.

IE I am saying that if I found out my kid was a serial rapist or something I would hope he went to jail but I would still love him. If I found out my husband was a serial rapist I would abandon him entirely and divorce him and while I'm sure it would be a long and difficult grieving process, I would not love him at the end of the day.

This exactly. I also think unconditional for some means someone you would Instinctively die in place of, which applies mostly to parents about their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids are the only people I could love no matter what the circumstances, even if they did something totally abhorrent.

Now, I've never *not* loved my parents and my husband...but they've never done anything shitty. I think if they did (husband cheated, abused me/kids, etc.) I wouldn't love them anymore. Knock on wood that it'd never get to that point!

Would you love your kids if they were physically abusive towards you?

NP here. I will love my kids until the day I die. It does not matter what they do. I would want them to go to jail if they did something horrible, but I will visit them there no matter what they did.

However, I am a very logical person so I will not let my kids walk over me. But the love I have for them is like nothing I have ever felt. It is the most vulnerable thing in my life. I feel like my heart has been cut into pieces and several pieces have been lodged into my kids.

NP here. I feel the same kind of soul-consuming love (as PP put it) for my husband.

I understand that is not your experience, but it definitely exists.

And yes, I have kids.

NP. Serious question. Do you really not feel like there are things that your husband could do that would erode that love? That is the point a lot of us are making. A lot of people are saying, 'I love DH as much as I love my kids' but that really isn't the issue. The difference isn't in how much you love them today or tomorrow or how much you think you'll love them in 50 years. It is whether they could do something to make you not love them. There is NOTHING my kids could do that would make me not love them. I could end up disappointed in them, estranged from them, horrified by them, I can see all of these things. But even if my kid ended up being a school shooter or something just awful I wouldn't stop loving them. There's nothing they could do, that is unconditional.

IE I am saying that if I found out my kid was a serial rapist or something I would hope he went to jail but I would still love him. If I found out my husband was a serial rapist I would abandon him entirely and divorce him and while I'm sure it would be a long and difficult grieving process, I would not love him at the end of the day.

PP here. Serious answer. Yes, that is correct, I do not feel like there are things that my husband could do that would erode the love I feel for him. It would transform, much in the way that some PPs are describing how their love would change for their child if they became, say, a school shooter. Sure, things would be different. However, the love I have for him transcends any kind of earthly act. I would never stop loving him.

I'm not sure why so many posters are so adamant that those of us who say we feel this way must be mistaken.

[Anonymous]

I would take a bullet for my children.