Have you received or have you given true unconditional love?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think my kids are the only people I could love no matter what the circumstances, even if they did something totally abhorrent.

Now, I've never *not* loved my parents and my husband...but they've never done anything shitty. I think if they did (husband cheated, abused me/kids, etc.) I wouldn't love them anymore. Knock on wood that it'd never get to that point!

Would you love your kids if they were physically abusive towards you?

NP here. I will love my kids until the day I die. It does not matter what they do. I would want them to go to jail if they did something horrible, but I will visit them there no matter what they did.

However, I am a very logical person so I will not let my kids walk over me. But the love I have for them is like nothing I have ever felt. It is the most vulnerable thing in my life. I feel like my heart has been cut into pieces and several pieces have been lodged into my kids.

NP here. I feel the same kind of soul-consuming love (as PP put it) for my husband.

I understand that is not your experience, but it definitely exists.

And yes, I have kids.

NP. Serious question. Do you really not feel like there are things that your husband could do that would erode that love? That is the point a lot of us are making. A lot of people are saying, 'I love DH as much as I love my kids' but that really isn't the issue. The difference isn't in how much you love them today or tomorrow or how much you think you'll love them in 50 years. It is whether they could do something to make you not love them. There is NOTHING my kids could do that would make me not love them. I could end up disappointed in them, estranged from them, horrified by them, I can see all of these things. But even if my kid ended up being a school shooter or something just awful I wouldn't stop loving them. There's nothing they could do, that is unconditional.

IE I am saying that if I found out my kid was a serial rapist or something I would hope he went to jail but I would still love him. If I found out my husband was a serial rapist I would abandon him entirely and divorce him and while I'm sure it would be a long and difficult grieving process, I would not love him at the end of the day.

PP here. Serious answer. Yes, that is correct, I do not feel like there are things that my husband could do that would erode the love I feel for him. It would transform, much in the way that some PPs are describing how their love would change for their child if they became, say, a school shooter. Sure, things would be different. However, the love I have for him transcends any kind of earthly act. I would never stop loving him.

I'm not sure why so many posters are so adamant that those of us who say we feel this way must be mistaken.

But what if he stopped loving you? Isn't reciprocity critical to romantic love?

[Anonymous]

As soon as I saw my first child in the delivery room I felt it. You immediately realize that they are defenseless and that you will do anything to protect them.

[Anonymous]

Does any wife here feel tbeir husband loves them unconditionally? Meaning the husband would love them even if they withheld sex from them for eternity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have unconditional love for my husband and have felt it towards my dog. The love I have for my kids isn't different than the love I have for my husband

Um ... gross.

PP here. Grow up.

I'm surprised other people don't feel unconditional love towards their husbands. I know he loves me unconditionally as well. He sees my faults and forgives me. When I'm having a rough time (postpartum), he doesn't think bad about me. It's a deep love that's been built. We feel like we're a team raising children for 18 years and then sending them off into the world, but afterwards it will still be DH and I.

I have heard a lot of friends in real life state that they love their kids more than their husbands and I just don't think that's true for me. I believe I love both equally, but DH is it for me.

Does DH love you unconditionally as well? Meaning if you did not sleep with him or other wifely chores he would still love you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does any wife here feel tbeir husband loves them unconditionally? Meaning the husband would love them even if they withheld sex from them for eternity.

Or got fat, or addicted to meth, or started banging other men.

Short answer, no.

There is no such thing as unconditional love for a spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does any wife here feel tbeir husband loves them unconditionally? Meaning the husband would love them even if they withheld sex from them for eternity.

Yes. My husband and I love each other unconditionally. I would still love him if he cheated on me. I would be crushed and enraged, but those emotions happen because of love. We don't withhold sex, fwiw. I honestly don't know how you can share a bed with someone and not have sex. I mean, how is that even possible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does any wife here feel tbeir husband loves them unconditionally? Meaning the husband would love them even if they withheld sex from them for eternity.

Yes. My husband and I love each other unconditionally. I would still love him if he cheated on me. I would be crushed and enraged, but those emotions happen because of love. We don't withhold sex, fwiw. I honestly don't know how you can share a bed with someone and not have sex. I mean, how is that even possible?

Would still love him if he cheated, fell in love with someone else and left you? I bet you would stop loving him sometime thereafter. That isn't unconditional love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does any wife here feel tbeir husband loves them unconditionally? Meaning the husband would love them even if they withheld sex from them for eternity.

Yes. My husband is truly amazing. I'm 100% positive that if I were disabled for life, he wouldn't ever even bring up sex. I'm higher drive than him though... I do try to be a good person/wife that deserves DH's love and he does the same to me also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does any wife here feel tbeir husband loves them unconditionally? Meaning the husband would love them even if they withheld sex from them for eternity.

Yes. My husband and I love each other unconditionally. I would still love him if he cheated on me. I would be crushed and enraged, but those emotions happen because of love. We don't withhold sex, fwiw. I honestly don't know how you can share a bed with someone and not have sex. I mean, how is that even possible?

Would still love him if he cheated, fell in love with someone else and left you? I bet you would stop loving him sometime thereafter. That isn't unconditional love.

I would be devastated, and I'm not sure I would be able to move on. I love him. He's the father of my children, and my best friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does any wife here feel tbeir husband loves them unconditionally? Meaning the husband would love them even if they withheld sex from them for eternity.

Or got fat, or addicted to meth, or started banging other men.

Short answer, no.

There is no such thing as unconditional love for a spouse.

With the exception of cheating which absolutely breaks any kind of love i agree with the rest. Unconditional love applies if you love that person and the things they cannot control be it weight, acne, disabled, etc. I am not married but i have felt unconditional love before and i loved him even after he cheated but something inside me was broken and i felt like he had murdered me in some way after it happened. I guess he destroyed an innocence i had with love. I would have loved him even if he had looked like ET, was a pauper, or disabled, or even if he had a kid with someone i did not know of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have unconditional love for my husband and have felt it towards my dog. The love I have for my kids isn't different than the love I have for my husband

This is my experience, too. Married 14 years. We have the kind of love that very few people ever experience.

I feel badly for people who say they “never knew how much they could love someone until they had a child.” When I had my first child, there was nothing that surprised me about the depth or the intensity of the love I felt. I will say though, that it surprised me to know that I could love all of my children with equal intensity. When I had my first, I thought there was no way another child could match him.

Yes! When I had my child I fell even deeper in love with my husband. Whole new side to him I'd never seen and I was so proud/in love watching him interact with our kids.

Please, barf to both of you PPs

[Anonymous]

I don't believe in unconditional love. I'm sure there are things my kids could do that would result in my not loving them. Every horrible monster the world has ever produced was someone's kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe in unconditional love. I'm sure there are things my kids could do that would result in my not loving them. Every horrible monster the world has ever produced was someone's kid.[/quote
]

Thanks for being brave enough to say that. I don't feel positive that the love I have for my children is unconditional. It might be. It might be very close, and I feel as though most of the time I love them unconditionally. But sometimes I genuinely hate them.

And my husband, of course, I also don't feel that love is unconditional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does any wife here feel tbeir husband loves them unconditionally? Meaning the husband would love them even if they withheld sex from them for eternity.

Or got fat, or addicted to meth, or started banging other men.

Short answer, no.

There is no such thing as unconditional love for a spouse.

no. A woman can't love a man in the same way a man loves a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does any wife here feel tbeir husband loves them unconditionally? Meaning the husband would love them even if they withheld sex from them for eternity.

Or got fat, or addicted to meth, or started banging other men.

Short answer, no.

There is no such thing as unconditional love for a spouse.

no. A woman can't love a man in the same way a man loves a woman.

There is truth in the above statement.

Men are required to commit to physical sacrifices to demonstrate our love and be prepared to die (figuratively(i.e. work) and literally (i.e. war)) for woman and children. That requires a significant mental commitment that demands self sacrifice. The sort of commitment required of men requires them to take a lot on faith. For example, in the absence of a paternity test we don't really know if the kids are ours. When we commit it often results in an emotional connection that is hard to break.

The only time a woman is required to commit mentally to the possibility of death for someone is when they give birth... and with abortion on the table they aren't even required to follow through with the commitment.

In my case although my ex has treated me miserably post divorce I still find myself worrying about her well being.