Have you received or have you given true unconditional love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids are the only people I could love no matter what the circumstances, even if they did something totally abhorrent.

Now, I've never *not* loved my parents and my husband...but they've never done anything shitty. I think if they did (husband cheated, abused me/kids, etc.) I wouldn't love them anymore. Knock on wood that it'd never get to that point!

Would you love your kids if they were physically abusive towards you?

NP here. I will love my kids until the day I die. It does not matter what they do. I would want them to go to jail if they did something horrible, but I will visit them there no matter what they did.

However, I am a very logical person so I will not let my kids walk over me. But the love I have for them is like nothing I have ever felt. It is the most vulnerable thing in my life. I feel like my heart has been cut into pieces and several pieces have been lodged into my kids.

NP here. I feel the same kind of soul-consuming love (as PP put it) for my husband.

I understand that is not your experience, but it definitely exists.

And yes, I have kids.

NP. Serious question. Do you really not feel like there are things that your husband could do that would erode that love? That is the point a lot of us are making. A lot of people are saying, 'I love DH as much as I love my kids' but that really isn't the issue. The difference isn't in how much you love them today or tomorrow or how much you think you'll love them in 50 years. It is whether they could do something to make you not love them. There is NOTHING my kids could do that would make me not love them. I could end up disappointed in them, estranged from them, horrified by them, I can see all of these things. But even if my kid ended up being a school shooter or something just awful I wouldn't stop loving them. There's nothing they could do, that is unconditional.

IE I am saying that if I found out my kid was a serial rapist or something I would hope he went to jail but I would still love him. If I found out my husband was a serial rapist I would abandon him entirely and divorce him and while I'm sure it would be a long and difficult grieving process, I would not love him at the end of the day.

What if one physically hurt/killed the other?

I think that’s the one thing I couldn’t get over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does any wife here feel tbeir husband loves them unconditionally? Meaning the husband would love them even if they withheld sex from them for eternity.

Yes. My husband and I love each other unconditionally. I would still love him if he cheated on me. I would be crushed and enraged, but those emotions happen because of love. We don't withhold sex, fwiw. I honestly don't know how you can share a bed with someone and not have sex. I mean, how is that even possible?

Would still love him if he cheated, fell in love with someone else and left you? I bet you would stop loving him sometime thereafter. That isn't unconditional love.

DP here. I would still love my husband if he cheated and fell in love with someone else and left me. Cheating or divorce can never erase the way I feel about my husband.

However, if he ever seriously and intentionally hurt my kids, my heart will turn into stone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids are the only people I could love no matter what the circumstances, even if they did something totally abhorrent.

Now, I've never *not* loved my parents and my husband...but they've never done anything shitty. I think if they did (husband cheated, abused me/kids, etc.) I wouldn't love them anymore. Knock on wood that it'd never get to that point!

Would you love your kids if they were physically abusive towards you?

NP here. I will love my kids until the day I die. It does not matter what they do. I would want them to go to jail if they did something horrible, but I will visit them there no matter what they did.

However, I am a very logical person so I will not let my kids walk over me. But the love I have for them is like nothing I have ever felt. It is the most vulnerable thing in my life. I feel like my heart has been cut into pieces and several pieces have been lodged into my kids.

NP here. I feel the same kind of soul-consuming love (as PP put it) for my husband.

I understand that is not your experience, but it definitely exists.

And yes, I have kids.

NP. Serious question. Do you really not feel like there are things that your husband could do that would erode that love? That is the point a lot of us are making. A lot of people are saying, 'I love DH as much as I love my kids' but that really isn't the issue. The difference isn't in how much you love them today or tomorrow or how much you think you'll love them in 50 years. It is whether they could do something to make you not love them. There is NOTHING my kids could do that would make me not love them. I could end up disappointed in them, estranged from them, horrified by them, I can see all of these things. But even if my kid ended up being a school shooter or something just awful I wouldn't stop loving them. There's nothing they could do, that is unconditional.

IE I am saying that if I found out my kid was a serial rapist or something I would hope he went to jail but I would still love him. If I found out my husband was a serial rapist I would abandon him entirely and divorce him and while I'm sure it would be a long and difficult grieving process, I would not love him at the end of the day.

What if one physically hurt/killed the other?

I think that’s the one thing I couldn’t get over.

I mean that would essentially destroy me probably but I really don't think I'd stop loving them. You can love someone and hate someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does any wife here feel tbeir husband loves them unconditionally? Meaning the husband would love them even if they withheld sex from them for eternity.

Or got fat, or addicted to meth, or started banging other men.

Short answer, no.

There is no such thing as unconditional love for a spouse.

no. A woman can't love a man in the same way a man loves a woman.

There is truth in the above statement.

Men are required to commit to physical sacrifices to demonstrate our love and be prepared to die (figuratively(i.e. work) and literally (i.e. war)) for woman and children. That requires a significant mental commitment that demands self sacrifice. The sort of commitment required of men requires them to take a lot on faith. For example, in the absence of a paternity test we don't really know if the kids are ours. When we commit it often results in an emotional connection that is hard to break.

The only time a woman is required to commit mentally to the possibility of death for someone is when they give birth... and with abortion on the table they aren't even required to follow through with the commitment.

In my case although my ex has treated me miserably post divorce I still find myself worrying about her well being.

Well my STBX has morphed into a Saturday Morning Girl and also sought out an Arrangement. All in her mid-40’s. I don’t worry about her “well being” anymore.

[Anonymous]

^ what is a Saturday Morning Girl?

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know if what most mothers feel towards their children can be called love. Rather, it's a powerful instinct. It is identification with your offspring that overrides any other instinct. Needless to say, not every parent is capable of feeling this way, so blanket statements don't apply. Women choose other people and things over their children every day.

I don't think this type of bond can be replicated in any other relationship. Not to say that you necessarily have to chase it. Most people's lives are too short and limited to experience everything, so I really wouldn't worry about it.

We use the word "love" to mean too many different emotions. This creates a lot of confusion.