Boyfriend can't hold a job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a person with two masters degrees from great schools—they come in all shapes and sizes.

Educational credentials in women are almost worthless.

[Anonymous]

Just pls says you're done with him.
No babies, correct?

[Anonymous]

Pattern of losing jobs. No thanks.

Hopefully he’ll seek therapy and diagnose his real problems (codependency, add, depression, fatigue, executive function skills, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So we're still missing why he's getting fired though. The bolded makes it seem like maybe he has no ability (or desire) to hold his tongue in situations which others would see as necessary to do so to remain professional. Like he thinks he knows more or is better than his employer. Obviously he can GET a job, so he's not a total idiot, but being fired multiple times is insane. In terms of your relationship, this would be more of a deal breaker in my eyes in the sense that he has little to no self-awareness and tends to shirk responsibility for things that are obviously within his control. That's a massive problem if you want an equal partner and a healthy relationship in which you can each own your mistakes and compromise.

Fired for cause, multiple times. He gets warnings and fails to shape up in response as far as I understand. I don't know about lack of respect for authority. He for sure lacks self awareness and insight into the problem, which I find mindboggling. He has NEVER tried to figure out why this continues to be a problem.

I had a husband like this once. He had a job when we were dating. He didn't last long as a husband. Now I have a husband who just retired from his career and already has another job. I prefer men who aren't afraid to work, because I'm certainly not afraid to.

I am mildly successful, but this is where I'm stand. I can not respect a man who does not have a career as I have worked hard for my great job and stability.

I have a friend like that - she has ADHD and just doesn't really seem to know how to reliably show up for jobs like normal people. She's flaky in her personal life too - will commit to showing up somewhere at X time and then will got totally sidetracked doing 15 other completely unnecessary things, somehow thinking she has time to do everything, and then she's 3 hours late and angry that everyone else is going home. (because they've been out for 3 hours.)

Does he have ADHD? Unless he decides to medicate and it works, this may never get better.

Yes, he does, currently unmedicated but just now got a prescription. He talks about this factor a lot as far as his jobs, but if he knows it is a problem, I don't understand why effort hasn't been made to address until now. It feels like a reaction to me being angry rather than a real effort to change.

Omg, run. Do not marry this, medicated or not, therapy or not. He will drive you batshit crazy; he cannot handle LIFE. is not truly fixable. You will suffer constant setbacks, and the stakes will be higher- your kids, financed, your career, your health.

[Anonymous]

No guarantees in life and no one has all the answers so you’re gonna have to do like everybody else and either get a new boyfriend and hope for the best or stick it out with your current boyfriend and hope for the best. Either way no guarantee all you can do is hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Hi y’all. I told him he wasn’t a viable partner and he left. I was mostly relieved at first but do miss him.

[Anonymous]

grace4ever wrote:I am sorry for what you are going through. It’s understandable the way that you feel and I think it is not easy to deal with a loved one losing his job. I’m sorry that it’s also affecting your relationship. Have you considered encouraging him to look to any type of place that offers career training (work enforcement) or have you thought of asking him to evaluate his job skills and past employment and why he is not motivated to keep his employment? Maybe he chooses jobs that he does not like and at the end it is tough for him to keep them. Perhaps another possibility is to encourage him to look to connecting with others websites. Counseling can be helpful to work through things like this. I do not know whether if you believe in God, but I will keep you in my prayers, my friend.

Thank you so much. Prayers are appreciated always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Hi y’all. I told him he wasn’t a viable partner and he left. I was mostly relieved at first but do miss him.

Hang in there, and good for you. Keep it short and simple. Hopefully he won't pester you, just keep it simple: I don't see this going anywhere.
Don't bring up the ADHD, meds, his lack of jobs, etc.

take a long weekend trip with some girlfriends. or go visit one of them each month.

all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Hi y’all. I told him he wasn’t a viable partner and he left. I was mostly relieved at first but do miss him.

Did you say you were out of his league?

[Anonymous]

Ugh, my ADHD BIL has this happen to him constantly with women and with jobs.
Not sure if meds plus counseling would help him function like an adult. In a lot of ways it was a big parenting fail not helping him develop workable systems for him. Instead they just keep bailing him out.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of him now. What will you do when he's out of work and you have a mortgage, bills and daycare to be paid?