Boyfriend can't hold a job

[Anonymous]

He just got fired, I just found out the day of, though he knew for a few weeks. The story has come out that this is an ongoing issue, for his entire adult life. He is reactively doing things to search, but there has never been an effort to sit down and figure out why he's been unsuccessful. I can't deal. I do not want this problem to come up every year. How can you build a future with someone like this?

To boot, he lives with me and now I need to ask him to leave. I already know what DCUM is going to say, you can hit me with it anyway, especially women who have partners like this.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you're all over the place - asking how to build a future with him and kicking him out of the house in the same breath. My advice? Be done with him. He's only a boyfriend, not a husband and (hopefully) not a father. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Whether you can build a future with someone like that depends on a few things. For starters, why did he lose this job? How long had he been there? Is this an issue of performance, or is he working in a sector where people get laid off or downsized regularly?

If it's not related to his specific performance, he could try to choose a different field that is more stable. If he is doing specific things that keep getting him fired, he could try to change those things, but that's probably going to be less likely.

[Anonymous]

I only know one person who's been *fired* from more than one job. She's an absolute shitshow of a person, cannot tolerate even an iota of authority, has no skills/education/training but somehow believes herself to be entitled to the life of a Kardashian, takes a kind of perverse pride in being unemployable because she's "too real."

Getting fired from one job could be bad luck. Getting fired from multiple jobs, or having that be the routine way your jobs end? Hell no. DTMFA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only know one person who's been *fired* from more than one job. She's an absolute shitshow of a person, cannot tolerate even an iota of authority, has no skills/education/training but somehow believes herself to be entitled to the life of a Kardashian, takes a kind of perverse pride in being unemployable because she's "too real."

Getting fired from one job could be bad luck. Getting fired from multiple jobs, or having that be the routine way your jobs end? Hell no. DTMFA.

OP here. He has many good qualities, like kindness and emotional intelligence and reliability in other matters in life but.... this is an extremely strong pattern. I think he has lost most of his jobs by being fired. He could not answer when I asked how many. He feels they are a dime a dozen so he can just find another one quickly. He has a good education, but limited skills in anything other than the field he's currently in.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is not the man you’re looking for. I know that feels hard when you have time invested, but if you want a stable future and children.. well... he’s not it.

If you’re not looking for those things, he may be it. And it’s okay. So people go through all kinds of jobs, but if your goal is stability, it’s not your thing. He might be a great guy, but it’s still not your thing.

[Anonymous]

I had a bf like that. He couldn’t hold a job for more than 2-3 months, often even less than that. He always blamed everyone else- his coworkers were out to get him, his boss didn’t understand that he needed to call out sick 2-3x per week, the company was doing unethical things and somehow “knew” he would be a whistleblower, etc. To make things worse, his mom enabled him by paying his rent, bills, buying groceries, etc. He then started pressuring me to get married and have kids so he could be a stay at home dad, and he would also be my “career coach” since he knew all the ins and outs of the industry. Not sure how that works since he couldn’t even manage his own career.

I was devastated to end things but so, so happy I did. I can’t imagine being married to such a disaster. I know he would have been a terrible SAHD, considering his days were spent playing video games and watching porn. He wouldn’t have wanted to give that up and actually interact with a child.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like that - she has ADHD and just doesn't really seem to know how to reliably show up for jobs like normal people. She's flaky in her personal life too - will commit to showing up somewhere at X time and then will got totally sidetracked doing 15 other completely unnecessary things, somehow thinking she has time to do everything, and then she's 3 hours late and angry that everyone else is going home. (because they've been out for 3 hours.)

Does he have ADHD? Unless he decides to medicate and it works, this may never get better.

[Anonymous]

It won’t get better if it is a lifelong pattern. A grown man that flaky is not husband or father material but only good for fun and sex. If you are looking for marriage kick him out and find someone who is an adult and not a emotionally 8 yrs old.

[Anonymous]

You can't. You CAN'T build a future with this guy. I want you to immediately triple up on your birth control, because the last thing you need is to be stuck with this guy.

Then I want you to tell him "This is not working. We are breaking up. You need to move out by the end of the month. I have someone moving in April 1st."

Do NOT get sucked in, no matter what he says.

[Anonymous]

You can't. Move on and do t look back!

[Anonymous]

What kind of job/career field is he in?

[Anonymous]

Just to clarify, you mean fired (i.e. for cause) or are you including layoffs in there as well? Getting fired from multiple jobs suggests he's probably a f*ck up. Layoffs are a different story although he may need to retrain in a more economically viable area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only know one person who's been *fired* from more than one job. She's an absolute shitshow of a person, cannot tolerate even an iota of authority, has no skills/education/training but somehow believes herself to be entitled to the life of a Kardashian, takes a kind of perverse pride in being unemployable because she's "too real."

Getting fired from one job could be bad luck. Getting fired from multiple jobs, or having that be the routine way your jobs end? Hell no. DTMFA.

OP here. He has many good qualities, like kindness and emotional intelligence and reliability in other matters in life but.... this is an extremely strong pattern. I think he has lost most of his jobs by being fired. He could not answer when I asked how many. He feels they are a dime a dozen so he can just find another one quickly. He has a good education, but limited skills in anything other than the field he's currently in.

So we're still missing why he's getting fired though. The bolded makes it seem like maybe he has no ability (or desire) to hold his tongue in situations which others would see as necessary to do so to remain professional. Like he thinks he knows more or is better than his employer. Obviously he can GET a job, so he's not a total idiot, but being fired multiple times is insane. In terms of your relationship, this would be more of a deal breaker in my eyes in the sense that he has little to no self-awareness and tends to shirk responsibility for things that are obviously within his control. That's a massive problem if you want an equal partner and a healthy relationship in which you can each own your mistakes and compromise.

[Anonymous]

I had a husband like this once. He had a job when we were dating. He didn't last long as a husband. Now I have a husband who just retired from his career and already has another job. I prefer men who aren't afraid to work, because I'm certainly not afraid to.