Boyfriend in the Hospital

[Anonymous]

Boundaries
There were absolutely more gentle ways to let her know that rubbing lotion maybe was not a good idea. It was nothing but a gentle gesture from a loving girlfriend.

It's disturbing that the OP can't be relaxed with this guy OR his parents.
Red flag.

[Anonymous]

The yelling isn't the problem, its the "just kidding" that's the problem. That type of behavior is NOT funny, and is mean. Since you're just bf/gf I suggest ditching him and finding one that's nicer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The yelling isn't the problem, its the "just kidding" that's the problem. That type of behavior is NOT funny, and is mean. Since you're just bf/gf I suggest ditching him and finding one that's nicer.

I suspect he wasn't actually kidding, but rather was trying to calm OP down when she freaked out and decided to go with a variant of "I didn't really mean that."

[Anonymous]

You sound like you have both low EQ and IQ. He's in the hospital post surgery and on pain meds. No need to make it all about you and be a total drama queen. The fact that his parents don't like you and don't want you around is somewhat telling--although completely irrelevant to this particular issue. As is the rest of the "driving him around". Clearly written for sympathy.

Ask people who are in the hospital prior to doing things like that. Think about what they want and not about what you want. Don't be high maintenance--you sound like you're just trying to look like a caring girlfriend instead of actually being one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you guys? Honestly, the lotion thing is weird and speaks to some lack of boundaries on your part.

Oh Good God, Relax people. She was trying to bring comfort to her boyfriend not cross some huge personal boundary. Do you ask your SO's if it's okay to hug them, or kiss them before you do that too??

I have lived with my husband for 20 years. I would NEVER, EVER put lotion on him without asking first. WTF, folks. And if somebody put lotion on me without first telling me ... yuck. YUCK. SUPER YUCK!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you have both low EQ and IQ. He's in the hospital post surgery and on pain meds. No need to make it all about you and be a total drama queen. The fact that his parents don't like you and don't want you around is somewhat telling--although completely irrelevant to this particular issue. As is the rest of the "driving him around". Clearly written for sympathy.

Ask people who are in the hospital prior to doing things like that. Think about what they want and not about what you want. Don't be high maintenance--you sound like you're just trying to look like a caring girlfriend instead of actually being one.

No. Just simply ask PEOPLE before you do things like that. I would not want somebody to lotion up my legs without 1) checking with me first and if I said yes, 2) checking the scent of the said lotion with me first.

I'm creeped out that somebody would think it was OK to do that.

[Anonymous]

I have lived with my husband for 20 years. I would NEVER, EVER...yuck. YUCK. SUPER YUCK!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The yelling isn't the problem, its the "just kidding" that's the problem. That type of behavior is NOT funny, and is mean. Since you're just bf/gf I suggest ditching him and finding one that's nicer.

It isn't mean. It was a response to her breakdown over being asked to not put lotion on him when he didn't want lotion on him. It sounds like it was his effort to make her feel better during her meltdown.

I would suggest he ditch her until she learns boundaries and basic emotional regulation and coping skills.

[Anonymous]

OP was being an attention whore. His attention was distracted from her by his phone, and rather than waiting patiently or finding some other way to entertain herself (or simply deciding to take a break from the hospital and come back later), she decided to do something to get his attention back to her. Never mind that someone who's just had surgery, is in pain, probably didn't sleep well in the hospital the night before, is in an uncomfortable hospital gown in an uncomfortable bed might not want yet another burst of sensory input. And might not assume OP has the common sense to only put the lotion on the good leg and not on the healing leg as well, and thus might react emphatically to make sure she doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you guys? Honestly, the lotion thing is weird and speaks to some lack of boundaries on your part.

Oh Good God, Relax people. She was trying to bring comfort to her boyfriend not cross some huge personal boundary. Do you ask your SO's if it's okay to hug them, or kiss them before you do that too??

I have lived with my husband for 20 years. I would NEVER, EVER put lotion on him without asking first. WTF, folks. And if somebody put lotion on me without first telling me ... yuck. YUCK. SUPER YUCK!

Super yuck? Over lotion? Condolences to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I have the minute I just wasted back please?

+1 WHAT WAS THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you guys? Honestly, the lotion thing is weird and speaks to some lack of boundaries on your part.

Oh Good God, Relax people. She was trying to bring comfort to her boyfriend not cross some huge personal boundary. Do you ask your SO's if it's okay to hug them, or kiss them before you do that too??

I have lived with my husband for 20 years. I would NEVER, EVER put lotion on him without asking first. WTF, folks. And if somebody put lotion on me without first telling me ... yuck. YUCK. SUPER YUCK!

Super yuck? Over lotion? Condolences to your husband.

My whole leg? with lotion he wasn't ready for? with possibly a scent he didn't like? Why would I do that to him without asking? and vice versa? How much time does it take to ask if you want lotion on your leg??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you guys? Honestly, the lotion thing is weird and speaks to some lack of boundaries on your part.

Oh Good God, Relax people. She was trying to bring comfort to her boyfriend not cross some huge personal boundary. Do you ask your SO's if it's okay to hug them, or kiss them before you do that too??

I have lived with my husband for 20 years. I would NEVER, EVER put lotion on him without asking first. WTF, folks. And if somebody put lotion on me without first telling me ... yuck. YUCK. SUPER YUCK!

Super yuck? Over lotion? Condolences to your husband.

My whole leg? with lotion he wasn't ready for? with possibly a scent he didn't like? Why would I do that to him without asking? and vice versa? How much time does it take to ask if you want lotion on your leg??

Oh OP was wrong not to ask first for sure, but nothing is SUPER YUCK about lotion.

[Anonymous]

We are a family with eczema, so putting lotion is sort of automatic. My husband and I will do it to the kids, I will do it to my husband, etc...

If you two are used to putting lotion on each other for dry skin, then I don't understand why he over-reacted like this. Pain meds, or pain, DO NOT make you react nastily like this. I have been in the most EXCRUCIATING pain several times in my life for various diseases, as well as a birth with pitocin but no pain meds, and never said things like that, or thought them.

So this is just a jerky little asshole bullying you around. And you know where he gets it - his parents, who are bullying you around.

Your best option, OP, is to see him through his injury charitably, and then to break up with him. He's not a keeper. You need to choose someone who is kind and respectful, because you sound sweet and sensitive. It doesn't matter if he seems a little less fun at first.

[Anonymous]

Why am I picturing OP, "It rubs the lotion on its skin. . . . "