13 YO DS refuses to wear pants without drawstrings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I probably would have let him attend in sweats and then let him be embarrassed by the pictures later. Then again, my family doesn’t do formal.

Probably not a requirement in most trailer parks.

[Anonymous]

As a parent of a child with "legitimate" special needs, here are my tips:
-Under armor makes golf pants that feel more like sweat pants
- does he have a scout uniform he likes- my son will wear his Cub Scout uniform to special events and is the self-appointed honor guard. This probably works better for younger kids, but if there are military members attending the event it is cute

And for those rude PPs I hope you have no spandex or flexibility in any of your work clothes that you are so harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 7th grader can't put up with 2 hours in a suit for his uncle's wedding -- and an uncle he's close with not some long lost relative?? I hope the kid is grounded and without a phone/gaming etc. for months and starting Monday all the athletic pants are thrown out and the only options for school are jeans/regular pants/going in boxer shorts. Sorry but he's being a spoiled brat and moms seem to enable this with --- oooohh he has sensory issues around his crotch or whatever. Give me a break. Part of being an adult is dressing up and dressing up is/can be uncomfortable at times. Kid will be going to homecoming, jr/sr proms, graduation in 4-5 yrs. Does he intend to show up in Adidas pants? Maybe he can tell his date's parents that a tux was out of the question bc he can't have wool suit fabric against his thighs and his crotch needs to be comfortable.

+1,000.

Unless there are real special needs involved, everyone can survive a couple of hours in an 'uncomfortable' outfit. It's time the precious snowflake learn that the world doesn't revolve around him.

Yep and special needs means ACTUAL special needs -- like going to a special school or needing an aide with him all day at regular school. Not the BS -- every boy has aspergers or ADD or "sensory" issues. No 13 year boy in the history of the world has been comfortable in a suit, tie and dress shoes -- yet they all make it work when they absolutely have to. Of course in other families they know they have to bc mom and dad lay down the law. Here -- you hear -- oh poor boy, how about drawstring pants or let him go in sweats -- poor baby.

You do realize there are far more SN than kids going to a special school or needing an aide. My kid has special needs. I find your post offensive. He has worn a suit to a wedding. We found a comfortable one off amazon (not looking for elastic but it had an elastic waist). OP hasn't even tried to find something comfortable. ADD, ASD and sensory issues are completely overrated but don't assume that kids don't have SN and it impacts them significantly. This is a parenting issue. its not a choice to go to the wedding. Mom can find something comfortable but you will will nice pants and a button down/collared shirt or a suit. We don't allow sweats or athletic clothing to school for this reason. You look nice when you go to school, within reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a child with "legitimate" special needs, here are my tips:
-Under armor makes golf pants that feel more like sweat pants
- does he have a scout uniform he likes- my son will wear his Cub Scout uniform to special events and is the self-appointed honor guard. This probably works better for younger kids, but if there are military members attending the event it is cute

And for those rude PPs I hope you have no spandex or flexibility in any of your work clothes that you are so harsh.

Huh? You don't wear a cub scout or other uniform to a wedding. Its not cute. Most military do not wear their uniform in less its a very formal wedding or on base. Your child may be an exception, but you can find a suit in a size 16/18 with an elastic waist for $$50 on Amazon depending on the kid's size and it is comfortable. You can find pants with drawstrings that are not athletic clothing - I posted some - gap and old navy among other brands. You take the time to look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a child with "legitimate" special needs, here are my tips:
-Under armor makes golf pants that feel more like sweat pants
- does he have a scout uniform he likes- my son will wear his Cub Scout uniform to special events and is the self-appointed honor guard. This probably works better for younger kids, but if there are military members attending the event it is cute

And for those rude PPs I hope you have no spandex or flexibility in any of your work clothes that you are so harsh.

Um -- I work in a business formal, suit every day environment and no I don't have an spandex or elastic in my work clothing!?

[Anonymous]

My kid is in middle school and really dislikes wearing pants with zippers and buttons. We only recently realized he's on the spectrum. I don't see any harm with wearing athletic pants to school. But for special events, do your best to make sure your kid feels heard (ie, find out which part is hard for him, and why) Then in a non-emotional, non-angry way make it clear that it's non-negotiable. Let him know at what point in the celebration he can change back to comfortable clothes. Let him know it's a custom and that all the other males will be wearing that kind of clothing, and that it's a sign of respect towards his uncle. Just explain. That works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in middle school and really dislikes wearing pants with zippers and buttons. We only recently realized he's on the spectrum. I don't see any harm with wearing athletic pants to school. But for special events, do your best to make sure your kid feels heard (ie, find out which part is hard for him, and why) Then in a non-emotional, non-angry way make it clear that it's non-negotiable. Let him know at what point in the celebration he can change back to comfortable clothes. Let him know it's a custom and that all the other males will be wearing that kind of clothing, and that it's a sign of respect towards his uncle. Just explain. That works for us.

How much is your child really on the spectrum if you noticed it in middle school? I don't get posts like this and diagnosis and concerns later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a child with "legitimate" special needs, here are my tips:
-Under armor makes golf pants that feel more like sweat pants
- does he have a scout uniform he likes- my son will wear his Cub Scout uniform to special events and is the self-appointed honor guard. This probably works better for younger kids, but if there are military members attending the event it is cute

And for those rude PPs I hope you have no spandex or flexibility in any of your work clothes that you are so harsh.

Um -- I work in a business formal, suit every day environment and no I don't have an spandex or elastic in my work clothing!?

Really? Do you wear women's clothes or men's clothes? A lot of women's business clothes have spandex these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 7th grader can't put up with 2 hours in a suit for his uncle's wedding -- and an uncle he's close with not some long lost relative?? I hope the kid is grounded and without a phone/gaming etc. for months and starting Monday all the athletic pants are thrown out and the only options for school are jeans/regular pants/going in boxer shorts. Sorry but he's being a spoiled brat and moms seem to enable this with --- oooohh he has sensory issues around his crotch or whatever. Give me a break. Part of being an adult is dressing up and dressing up is/can be uncomfortable at times. Kid will be going to homecoming, jr/sr proms, graduation in 4-5 yrs. Does he intend to show up in Adidas pants? Maybe he can tell his date's parents that a tux was out of the question bc he can't have wool suit fabric against his thighs and his crotch needs to be comfortable.

Bunch of ball busters are here - are you trying to create women hating rapists or what?

If he has to wear suit pants for 2 hours, he’ll turn into a rapist??

[Anonymous]

This post is so far off the rails its insane.

Put your 2 year old in khakis every day or they won't wear pants? Ground someone for a semester for one asshole day? Force someone to dress up and you might make them a rapist?
Then god forbid we don't find a way to argue about the importance of our own career vs. other posters via our work dress code!

Get a grip ladies!

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old is the same way - athletic pants only but I'm just very firm about dressing appropriately for events like weddings, services, etc...

My DS wore jeans, etc... up until about 7 and since then only athletic wear - even elastic waist pants that are a more structured material are out. He's super skinny so it's not a weight thing but more of a comfort/sensory thing. He also hates button down shirts, polo shirts, etc.

For every day it's fine but I am unrelenting for occasions when nicer dress is required and I go all out - suit and tie even if he could have gotten away with khakis and a blazer.

[Anonymous]

I've found that golf pants by Under Armour, Nike, or other sports brands to be comfortable for boys and yet presentable for more formal occasions, especially with a jacket.

I personally can't stand restrictive clothing, so I empathize. DS wears track pants to school every day, but will dress up for formal events (school concerts, dances, etc.). Make sure that the pants are comfortable WITH a shirt tucked in.

[Anonymous]

This is a problem you have contributed to creating, OP, and now it’s going to be a lot more unpleasant to resolve than if you’d been insisting on appropriate dress all along.

Part of life is being uncomfortable. We wear pants, shoes, ties, nylons, etc because the occasion calls for it, not because they feel good. If you let him wear athletic clothes every waking moment, he will have a more difficult time sucking it up for events that require a higher degree of formality (like his uncle’s wedding). Start small - tell him Tuesdays (or whenever) are days he must dress appropriately for shool. Or start with family dinners at restaurants. But start somewhere and teach him to cope with real clothes before it’s too late and do it at times when there isn’t so much (like a wedding) at stake.

Disclaimer: my kids don’t wear athletic clothes to school. I wouldn’t allow it and never have. They all wear athletic clothes for actual athletics and to relax in at home. But when they go to school or out to dinner, etc, they wear what we call “real clothes.” It works because we started when they were young and never wavered; it was a fight ever so briefly in the upper elementary/lower ms grades for those who went to a school without a dress code, but it passed.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a 7th grade DD who is very into sports, and won't wear dresses, and insists on crocs for dress shoes (a dressier ballet-slipper-type croc, not the standard)

It's part of their rebellion and identity. It's ok. I tell my DD that it's fine for 99% of the time, but one has to dress appropriately for the occasion. And that 1% of the time, the occasion will call for it.

If you lighten up, they will get over it. They want it to be their choice to dress up, and not feel coerced. It's about them feeling like they have control. (better this than other forms of rebellion. And developmentally they need to rebel so it's a great choice of how to rebel)

Even though we are Catholic, my DD was invited to some bat mizvahs and we did go dress shopping. So she wears the dress, with basketball shorts underneath and a Nike sports bra. And the crocs.

Last December, we had a once-in-a-lifetime chance to take a 3 generation family photo. We had it out over the crocs. I just gave in, but packed the bootlets "just in case." Then I accidently forgot the crocs. I freaked out because I thought she'd go ballistic, cry, and be all angry/puffy for the photo. But she knew it was an accident, and just said, "it's ok mom," and wore the bootlets. And the Nike bra and the basketball shorts under the dress. LOL

So I am trying to analyze this for a boy...is there some rebellous underwear or socks he could wear with the khakis, so he satisfies his need for control ("I'm wearing the khakis but ha! I've got the crazy socks on underneath")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a child with "legitimate" special needs, here are my tips:
-Under armor makes golf pants that feel more like sweat pants
- does he have a scout uniform he likes- my son will wear his Cub Scout uniform to special events and is the self-appointed honor guard. This probably works better for younger kids, but if there are military members attending the event it is cute

And for those rude PPs I hope you have no spandex or flexibility in any of your work clothes that you are so harsh.

Um -- I work in a business formal, suit every day environment and no I don't have an spandex or elastic in my work clothing!?

Really? Do you wear women's clothes or men's clothes? A lot of women's business clothes have spandex these days.

Yeah, for some reason that “I was poured into this stretchy suit” look is really popular in some quarters. However, it’s quite possible to find women’s suits and other professional attire without spandex.