Husband is very secretive

[Anonymous]

He's having an affair.

[Anonymous]

I personally think he should have let you know that he travels w/Females just as a form of respect.

Honestly, for him to try to conceal this fact does not bode well in my opinion.

Why would he hide this fact?

[Anonymous]

I have observes that sales type people seem to have more of a cheating personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally think he should have let you know that he travels w/Females just as a form of respect.

Honestly, for him to try to conceal this fact does not bode well in my opinion.

Why would he hide this fact?

Good question. He did not want me to think that he was having more fun than what he was telling me? He claims it was a non-issue to him. I agree that he should have let me know out of respect. He was definitely secretive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a woman in sales, I'm slightly offended at how you assume sales = cheating. At the end of the day, cheating is about your character. Yes, it's likely true that you'll be at wine dinners with colleagues and prospects of the opposite sex more so than some other professions, but how you handle those situations is about you and your commitment to your partner. I have a friend who is in healthcare and has cheated on every partner (3 now). I'm in sales, have been with my husband for almost 12 years and have never cheated and will never cheat.

Stop using a man or woman's career track as an excuse for their cheating behavior. Face it, you pick bad people but they pick totally normal careers.

Man here who travels a lot for work and I agree. Heck, some people think travel is glamorous and fun. It can be sometimes, but pick any major conference city in the US and I've been there at least 10x and there's just nothing that exciting about them any more. After a long day of meetings, I just want to grab some food, veg out in my room, and Facetime with my family.

Sure, cheating does happen with people who travel, but people have to be looking for it. I know I'm not -- who has the energy?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think he should have let you know that he travels w/Females just as a form of respect.

Honestly, for him to try to conceal this fact does not bode well in my opinion.

Why would he hide this fact?

Good question. He did not want me to think that he was having more fun than what he was telling me? He claims it was a non-issue to him. I agree that he should have let me know out of respect. He was definitely secretive.

Because he didn't want you to go nuts and worry over something harmless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman in sales, I'm slightly offended at how you assume sales = cheating. At the end of the day, cheating is about your character. Yes, it's likely true that you'll be at wine dinners with colleagues and prospects of the opposite sex more so than some other professions, but how you handle those situations is about you and your commitment to your partner. I have a friend who is in healthcare and has cheated on every partner (3 now). I'm in sales, have been with my husband for almost 12 years and have never cheated and will never cheat.

Stop using a man or woman's career track as an excuse for their cheating behavior. Face it, you pick bad people but they pick totally normal careers.

Man here who travels a lot for work and I agree. Heck, some people think travel is glamorous and fun. It can be sometimes, but pick any major conference city in the US and I've been there at least 10x and there's just nothing that exciting about them any more. After a long day of meetings, I just want to grab some food, veg out in my room, and Facetime with my family.

Sure, cheating does happen with people who travel, but people have to be looking for it. I know I'm not -- who has the energy?!

It’s true that traveling can be taxing but you also get relaxation time in your hotel room whereas the other spouse gets making meals, cleanup, laundry, carpool, diaper changes, refereeing kid issues, meeting the cable guy, paying bills, etc etc. Remember that when you are chilling in your hotel room.

[Anonymous]

The secretive thing would bother me. When my husband travels for work, I certainly don't need or want a play by play of every meal he had and with whom. But when we are chatting before the trip or at the end of the day, he will generally mention who he is traveling with and anything memorable or interesting that happened, and will use the term 'we' when he does stuff with other people. I have met almost all of his colleagues at some point and have no issue with him having lunch alone with female friends and co-workers, but if he said 'I went to this great steakhouse' etc and always used the singular when he talked about his trips, I would assume he was alone on the trip. To find out that he was always with someone else, especially a woman, would seem odd. Like why not just say 'Kim and I went to this great steak house'?

[Anonymous]

Sucks to be OP

[Anonymous]

I travel for work with female colleagues, and I tell my wife who i am traveling with. I mean, it just makes sense. I think there is something he is hiding. Either she is single, or smoking hot.
Doesn't mean he is cheating, but she could be his soulmate.
Just a weird and curious omission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH doesn't travel with "female companions" he travels with business associates some of whom are female. He rarely tells me who he is traveling with and I rarely ask. Now, it helps that we have been happily married a long time. If our marriage was rocky I might think differently.

I feel the same as you. My DH has plenty of business associates who are female and many people he calls on are female. I will ask him how the trip is going but I don't ask who he is with though sometimes he will mention it in talking about the trip. He's not the type to stay out late or sit in a hotel bar. He's never given me a reason to be the least bit suspicious. He gets all the action he needs at home from his very willing wife.

[Anonymous]

Some men are used to working with women. It may not even occur him to announce this fact because it's commonplace in modern times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a woman in sales, I'm slightly offended at how you assume sales = cheating. At the end of the day, cheating is about your character. Yes, it's likely true that you'll be at wine dinners with colleagues and prospects of the opposite sex more so than some other professions, but how you handle those situations is about you and your commitment to your partner. I have a friend who is in healthcare and has cheated on every partner (3 now). I'm in sales, have been with my husband for almost 12 years and have never cheated and will never cheat.

Stop using a man or woman's career track as an excuse for their cheating behavior. Face it, you pick bad people but they pick totally normal careers.

I agree. However, if one is married to someone who is secretive that is usually a red flag. I had a live in bf once and that should have been the clue not to get involved. I noticed big time gaps and thankfully made sure to check up on him. Sure enough he was cheating. If there are red flags so let it go on..get to the bottom of it no matter what. It can save you a lot of time instead of spending years with a horrible loser.

[Anonymous]

... men are used to working with women. It may not even occur him to announce this fact because it's commonplace

Op, you are the one sexualizing this

[Anonymous]

I would have wanted to know, too. All you can do is concentrate on the future. Set some boundaries that will make you feel more comfortable when he is on his trips. I am sure your husband loves you and wants you to feel secure, so I bet he will agree to do anything that will make you feel more at ease.