What if you picked wrong in your 20s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why anyone would ever trust themself to pick their LIFE PARTNER in their 20's is beyond me. You have the rest of your life to be married so I have no sympathy for those who rush it and end up making a huge mistake.

Because some people are smarter and more mature in their 20s then others? I picked my husband in my 20s, had all my kids before 30, and we are going to celebrate our 20th anniversary next year. I don't want to be married to anyone else as I love my DH more and more every year. It is nice to have children in college/heading to college and be in my early 40s.

P.S. I've never been in Oklahoma

It’s “than”. Guess you’re not that smart.

NP. WOW. You are SEETHING with jealousy.

New poster. I don't think she's seething with jealousy at all. In urban areas like DC and NY, it's very unusual to have all your children before the age of 30 nowadays. Most women are focusing on our careers or graduate school and leaving their mark on the world during these years. I don't sense jealousy in the PP's post - it's actually more condescending.

I don't see any jealousy here. Most women in DC wouldn't want the kind of life described above by the young marriage poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I picked wrong in my 20s and worse than alone and single, I am still married to him now in my early 50s.

This is the fate of many of my friends. They are in their late forties. Many talk about divorce, but now they're screwed. Most haven't worked in decades.

They're getting exactly what they deserve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Picked the wrong guy in my 20s bc I was chasing the dream of husband, house, kids. Now I have all of it and more at 31, and I'm over it. My husband isn't a dick, he's super sweet and a real family man, just no drive and really annoying

Marriage sounds awesome, where do I sign up?

Thank God and G0d I didn't get married in my 20s to harpies like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:just no drive

"he's not making what I thought he'd make"

Hope it was worth it

[Anonymous]

I’ll offer up my story here. I met my husband at 18, started dating him at 20, married him at 22, which was about 20 years ago. We have four children. We met at our Northeast Ivy League undergrad and were definitely in the minority when we got married so young. We moved to the West Coast for graduate school (professional school for him). I worked for a couple years in my field then started having kids. I was done having kids by 32. At 34 I went and got a second graduate degree and changed fields entirely, returning to work full time at 35. So I’ve been back working for seven years now. I definitely spent several years feeling like I was behind my friends professionally, but I made up the lost ground over time, especially as many of my peers cut back when they had kids. The marriage has been strong and healthy, though the first couple years were a bit rockier. He was definitely the right choice for me and we’ve grown up together. I’m much more driven now than I was when I was a young mom, and he’s stepped up his role to allow me to go after my goals. It’s a role reversal. I don’t know that I would have made a better choice if I had waited until my 30s. I think the key to a happy life and partnership has little to do with age at marriage— it’s about accepting that there will be ups and downs, tolerating each other’s unevenness, accepting that neither of you will always be at your peak, and just staying constant in your love for each other. You may have sexual dry spells or someone might have a year where they struggle with situational depression or one of you might lose your job or get relocated or experience some other upheaval. Whether you deal with infertility or a miscarriage or the death of a parent or whatever, life isn’t easy. Find happiness for yourself, don’t expect anyone else to make you happy. Have your own interests and goals, but view marriage as a forever proposition and spend quality time with your spouse. Treat them the way you want to be treated. Do your best to stay physically connected too. Then it won’t matter if you chose the person in your 20s or 30s— you’ll make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I picked wrong in my 20s and worse than alone and single, I am still married to him now in my early 50s.

This is the fate of many of my friends. They are in their late forties. Many talk about divorce, but now they're screwed. Most haven't worked in decades.

.

I was going to write the same thing!! I'd never divorce for this reason, though. It was my bad judgment, not his fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll offer up my story here. I met my husband at 18, started dating him at 20, married him at 22, which was about 20 years ago. We have four children. We met at our Northeast Ivy League undergrad and were definitely in the minority when we got married so young. We moved to the West Coast for graduate school (professional school for him). I worked for a couple years in my field then started having kids. I was done having kids by 32. At 34 I went and got a second graduate degree and changed fields entirely, returning to work full time at 35. So I’ve been back working for seven years now. I definitely spent several years feeling like I was behind my friends professionally, but I made up the lost ground over time, especially as many of my peers cut back when they had kids. The marriage has been strong and healthy, though the first couple years were a bit rockier. He was definitely the right choice for me and we’ve grown up together. I’m much more driven now than I was when I was a young mom, and he’s stepped up his role to allow me to go after my goals. It’s a role reversal. I don’t know that I would have made a better choice if I had waited until my 30s. I think the key to a happy life and partnership has little to do with age at marriage— it’s about accepting that there will be ups and downs, tolerating each other’s unevenness, accepting that neither of you will always be at your peak, and just staying constant in your love for each other. You may have sexual dry spells or someone might have a year where they struggle with situational depression or one of you might lose your job or get relocated or experience some other upheaval. Whether you deal with infertility or a miscarriage or the death of a parent or whatever, life isn’t easy. Find happiness for yourself, don’t expect anyone else to make you happy. Have your own interests and goals, but view marriage as a forever proposition and spend quality time with your spouse. Treat them the way you want to be treated. Do your best to stay physically connected too. Then it won’t matter if you chose the person in your 20s or 30s— you’ll make it.

yawn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm newly single in my early thirties - with two kids, no less. I'm not tripping. I expect to remarry, but if I don't, so what? Being single isn't a death sentence.

I’m divorced with one child and in my early 40s, no less. I don’t expect to remarry and I’m not tripping either. My marriage felt like a death sentence. Being single with joint custody feels like a lot of freedom. I love me time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll offer up my story here. I met my husband at 18, started dating him at 20, married him at 22, which was about 20 years ago. We have four children. We met at our Northeast Ivy League undergrad and were definitely in the minority when we got married so young. We moved to the West Coast for graduate school (professional school for him). I worked for a couple years in my field then started having kids. I was done having kids by 32. At 34 I went and got a second graduate degree and changed fields entirely, returning to work full time at 35. So I’ve been back working for seven years now. I definitely spent several years feeling like I was behind my friends professionally, but I made up the lost ground over time, especially as many of my peers cut back when they had kids. The marriage has been strong and healthy, though the first couple years were a bit rockier. He was definitely the right choice for me and we’ve grown up together. I’m much more driven now than I was when I was a young mom, and he’s stepped up his role to allow me to go after my goals. It’s a role reversal. I don’t know that I would have made a better choice if I had waited until my 30s. I think the key to a happy life and partnership has little to do with age at marriage— it’s about accepting that there will be ups and downs, tolerating each other’s unevenness, accepting that neither of you will always be at your peak, and just staying constant in your love for each other. You may have sexual dry spells or someone might have a year where they struggle with situational depression or one of you might lose your job or get relocated or experience some other upheaval. Whether you deal with infertility or a miscarriage or the death of a parent or whatever, life isn’t easy. Find happiness for yourself, don’t expect anyone else to make you happy. Have your own interests and goals, but view marriage as a forever proposition and spend quality time with your spouse. Treat them the way you want to be treated. Do your best to stay physically connected too. Then it won’t matter if you chose the person in your 20s or 30s— you’ll make it.

yawn

+1. You nailed it.

I feel bad because she's probably a nice person. But so lacking in passion and self awareness. No clue about how dead and dreary she sounds, especially, I'm sure, to young people in their twenties. Better to stay single if this is the alternative!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll offer up my story here. I met my husband at 18, started dating him at 20, married him at 22, which was about 20 years ago. We have four children. We met at our Northeast Ivy League undergrad and were definitely in the minority when we got married so young. We moved to the West Coast for graduate school (professional school for him). I worked for a couple years in my field then started having kids. I was done having kids by 32. At 34 I went and got a second graduate degree and changed fields entirely, returning to work full time at 35. So I’ve been back working for seven years now. I definitely spent several years feeling like I was behind my friends professionally, but I made up the lost ground over time, especially as many of my peers cut back when they had kids. The marriage has been strong and healthy, though the first couple years were a bit rockier. He was definitely the right choice for me and we’ve grown up together. I’m much more driven now than I was when I was a young mom, and he’s stepped up his role to allow me to go after my goals. It’s a role reversal. I don’t know that I would have made a better choice if I had waited until my 30s. I think the key to a happy life and partnership has little to do with age at marriage— it’s about accepting that there will be ups and downs, tolerating each other’s unevenness, accepting that neither of you will always be at your peak, and just staying constant in your love for each other. You may have sexual dry spells or someone might have a year where they struggle with situational depression or one of you might lose your job or get relocated or experience some other upheaval. Whether you deal with infertility or a miscarriage or the death of a parent or whatever, life isn’t easy. Find happiness for yourself, don’t expect anyone else to make you happy. Have your own interests and goals, but view marriage as a forever proposition and spend quality time with your spouse. Treat them the way you want to be treated. Do your best to stay physically connected too. Then it won’t matter if you chose the person in your 20s or 30s— you’ll make it.

Thank you for posting this - much needed perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I picked wrong in my 20s and worse than alone and single, I am still married to him now in my early 50s.

This is the fate of many of my friends. They are in their late forties. Many talk about divorce, but now they're screwed. Most haven't worked in decades.

They're getting exactly what they deserve.

You sound awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just no drive

"he's not making what I thought he'd make"

Hope it was worth it

I read "just no drive" as "just no sex drive" lol

[Anonymous]

Ask Meghan Markle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just no drive

"he's not making what I thought he'd make"

Hope it was worth it

I read "just no drive" as "just no sex drive" lol

What does sex drive have to do with picking a husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
+1. You nailed it.

I feel bad because she's probably a nice person. But so lacking in passion and self awareness. No clue about how dead and dreary she sounds, especially, I'm sure, to young people in their twenties. Better to stay single if this is the alternative!

She's incredibly vain, concentrating and checking off boxes on the path to the perfect life and marriage. Can't even bother to mix in a carriage return every few breaths.

So tiring.