Is there anyone whose male child doesn't have ADHD or ADD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Nope. Both of my kids have about as severe ADHD as you can have..and one doesn't have the high IQ to compensate. I still would never, ever compare it to a life-threatening chronic medical condition or the inability to walk. The people with those negative outcomes are the ones who don't work hard enough to compensate for the ADHD. People with real medical conditions and physical disabilities do not have that same opportunity. Really, you all really need to gain perspective and start being truly thankful for your children's health.

But, PP, what is the inability to walk, compared to a life-threatening medical condition? And what is a life-threatening medical condition, compared to actually being in the ICU?

Perspective includes realizing that problems that won't necessarily kill you in the next 24 hours can still be problems. They can even be serious problems.

Best wishes for positive outcomes for your children and all of our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD 15 year old. With medication, a 504 and an executive functioning coach, he is doing much better, and each year gets more mature. Right now, he is succeeding as a TJ sophomore. I expect him to have great college options, but to need to chose thoughtfully. Specifically, he will need to look at a small college that focuses on undergrads (Mudd or Rose Hullman for Engineering, Davidson, Swarthmore, Claremont colleges, WM as an I State option, etc. if he does liberal arts).

Boys develop EF skills later than girls, so we are taking it year by year. This is the first year he is able to manage a TJ workload without an EF coach. Which means he should be able to manage a college workload— if he stays on task and doesn’t disappear down a video game rabbit hole. He will be on medication for the foreseeable future, but once he is 18, it will be his choice.

We are talking to him about a gap year to work, intern and gain extra maturity and EF skills, so he is in the best possible position to start college. He seems open to the idea.

I have seen things get better each year. But DH is also ADHD, so I don’t think it will ever be “cured”. I think it can be managed so that he can go to a good college, have a great career and a fulfilling life— if he makes smart choices.

For some reason, this seems a little unfair that he goes to TJ and gets so much help. My average non-ADHD son could do well there too with a lot of help.

So much help? We meet with his teachers once a year for a 504 meeeting. He takes time and a half for math tests and standardized tests. If he gets behind in turning in homework, his teacher contacts me. He takes medication to correct a chemical imbalance in his brain. He no longer needs an EF coach. We monitor homework in a low distrion area, ithout his iPhone.

He is working his a** off. He was able to get into TJ— and took the test without accommodations by the way. Why should he not benefit from the education? He does all the work. Turns it in on time or gets marked down. Is graded the on same scale as everyone else. But has to work harder than many of the kids to get the same grade.

Would you say a kid in wheelchair, or a kid with a chronic medical condition that meant missing a couple of days of school a month and needs teachers to work with them on makeups (his friend, who has a medical IEP) should not be at TJ.

He got in fairly. He does the same work up to the same standard as every her kid. No— your average kid could not do that. Even with extra time on math.

He’s doing something very hard. Made harder by ADHD. I think it’s commendable. It shows maturity and perseverance. I had concerns about. TJ. Proved me wrong. I could not be more proud of this kid.

I mean...he has an "executive functioning coach"...

Oh no! I just stuck up for you and your DS, then you compared ADHD to a serious disability or chronic medical condition. I take back my support. And yes, both my kids have ADHD and I would never ever make that comparison. It's just not that serious.

For your kids. ADHD is associated with substance abuse, incarceration, suicide, depression, divorce, unemployment and all sorts of other negative outcomes. It IS that serious for a lot of people. For a lot of people it is life threatening.

Nope. Both of my kids have about as severe ADHD as you can have..and one doesn't have the high IQ to compensate. I still would never, ever compare it to a life-threatening chronic medical condition or the inability to walk. The people with those negative outcomes are the ones who don't work hard enough to compensate for the ADHD. People with real medical conditions and physical disabilities do not have that same opportunity. Really, you all really need to gain perspective and start being truly thankful for your children's health.

Not yet. You should be grateful your kids don't have the other mental health issues associated with ADHD..
Depression is a life threatening condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

For your kids. ADHD is associated with substance abuse, incarceration, suicide, depression, divorce, unemployment and all sorts of other negative outcomes. It IS that serious for a lot of people. For a lot of people it is life threatening.

NP. DH's family has diagnosed ADHD and has had some issues with jobs (lots of job hopping, occasionally getting fired, etc.) I don't know whether DS has ADHD or just immaturity, he hasn't been tested.

All of those negative outcomes are also associated with prematurity, btw, according to the research. (Yes, I have a preemie.) And with life. Life isn't easy, not many people are excellent at it, most of us muddle through in some fashion or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD 15 year old. With medication, a 504 and an executive functioning coach, he is doing much better, and each year gets more mature. Right now, he is succeeding as a TJ sophomore. I expect him to have great college options, but to need to chose thoughtfully. Specifically, he will need to look at a small college that focuses on undergrads (Mudd or Rose Hullman for Engineering, Davidson, Swarthmore, Claremont colleges, WM as an I State option, etc. if he does liberal arts).

Boys develop EF skills later than girls, so we are taking it year by year. This is the first year he is able to manage a TJ workload without an EF coach. Which means he should be able to manage a college workload— if he stays on task and doesn’t disappear down a video game rabbit hole. He will be on medication for the foreseeable future, but once he is 18, it will be his choice.

We are talking to him about a gap year to work, intern and gain extra maturity and EF skills, so he is in the best possible position to start college. He seems open to the idea.

I have seen things get better each year. But DH is also ADHD, so I don’t think it will ever be “cured”. I think it can be managed so that he can go to a good college, have a great career and a fulfilling life— if he makes smart choices.

For some reason, this seems a little unfair that he goes to TJ and gets so much help. My average non-ADHD son could do well there too with a lot of help.

So much help? We meet with his teachers once a year for a 504 meeeting. He takes time and a half for math tests and standardized tests. If he gets behind in turning in homework, his teacher contacts me. He takes medication to correct a chemical imbalance in his brain. He no longer needs an EF coach. We monitor homework in a low distrion area, ithout his iPhone.

He is working his a** off. He was able to get into TJ— and took the test without accommodations by the way. Why should he not benefit from the education? He does all the work. Turns it in on time or gets marked down. Is graded the on same scale as everyone else. But has to work harder than many of the kids to get the same grade.

Would you say a kid in wheelchair, or a kid with a chronic medical condition that meant missing a couple of days of school a month and needs teachers to work with them on makeups (his friend, who has a medical IEP) should not be at TJ.

He got in fairly. He does the same work up to the same standard as every her kid. No— your average kid could not do that. Even with extra time on math.

He’s doing something very hard. Made harder by ADHD. I think it’s commendable. It shows maturity and perseverance. I had concerns about. TJ. Proved me wrong. I could not be more proud of this kid.

I mean...he has an "executive functioning coach"...

Oh no! I just stuck up for you and your DS, then you compared ADHD to a serious disability or chronic medical condition. I take back my support. And yes, both my kids have ADHD and I would never ever make that comparison. It's just not that serious.

For your kids. ADHD is associated with substance abuse, incarceration, suicide, depression, divorce, unemployment and all sorts of other negative outcomes. It IS that serious for a lot of people. For a lot of people it is life threatening.

Nope. Both of my kids have about as severe ADHD as you can have..and one doesn't have the high IQ to compensate. I still would never, ever compare it to a life-threatening chronic medical condition or the inability to walk. The people with those negative outcomes are the ones who don't work hard enough to compensate for the ADHD. People with real medical conditions and physical disabilities do not have that same opportunity. Really, you all really need to gain perspective and start being truly thankful for your children's health.

I'm in awheelchair. I've used one most of my life as I was born with a chronic conditiont. I wasn't supposed to have kids, but I beat the odds once again and have my beautiful son. Both my son and husband have ADHD, my son severely so. It;s nto a contest of who has it worse, but if it were I have to say my son and husband have it worse than I do. People liik at me and I automatically garner compassion and respect, very few people joke about my disablity or question my need for ccomodations, but people do this with my son and husband all the time just because they can't see their disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD 15 year old. With medication, a 504 and an executive functioning coach, he is doing much better, and each year gets more mature. Right now, he is succeeding as a TJ sophomore. I expect him to have great college options, but to need to chose thoughtfully. Specifically, he will need to look at a small college that focuses on undergrads (Mudd or Rose Hullman for Engineering, Davidson, Swarthmore, Claremont colleges, WM as an I State option, etc. if he does liberal arts).

Boys develop EF skills later than girls, so we are taking it year by year. This is the first year he is able to manage a TJ workload without an EF coach. Which means he should be able to manage a college workload— if he stays on task and doesn’t disappear down a video game rabbit hole. He will be on medication for the foreseeable future, but once he is 18, it will be his choice.

We are talking to him about a gap year to work, intern and gain extra maturity and EF skills, so he is in the best possible position to start college. He seems open to the idea.

I have seen things get better each year. But DH is also ADHD, so I don’t think it will ever be “cured”. I think it can be managed so that he can go to a good college, have a great career and a fulfilling life— if he makes smart choices.

+1. Our 13 year old is ADHD plus anxiety disorder. It’s tough. No— not paralyzed tough. But still, hard to parent.

For some reason, this seems a little unfair that he goes to TJ and gets so much help. My average non-ADHD son could do well there too with a lot of help.

So much help? We meet with his teachers once a year for a 504 meeeting. He takes time and a half for math tests and standardized tests. If he gets behind in turning in homework, his teacher contacts me. He takes medication to correct a chemical imbalance in his brain. He no longer needs an EF coach. We monitor homework in a low distrion area, ithout his iPhone.

He is working his a** off. He was able to get into TJ— and took the test without accommodations by the way. Why should he not benefit from the education? He does all the work. Turns it in on time or gets marked down. Is graded the on same scale as everyone else. But has to work harder than many of the kids to get the same grade.

Would you say a kid in wheelchair, or a kid with a chronic medical condition that meant missing a couple of days of school a month and needs teachers to work with them on makeups (his friend, who has a medical IEP) should not be at TJ.

He got in fairly. He does the same work up to the same standard as every her kid. No— your average kid could not do that. Even with extra time on math.

He’s doing something very hard. Made harder by ADHD. I think it’s commendable. It shows maturity and perseverance. I had concerns about. TJ. Proved me wrong. I could not be more proud of this kid.

I mean...he has an "executive functioning coach"...

Oh no! I just stuck up for you and your DS, then you compared ADHD to a serious disability or chronic medical condition. I take back my support. And yes, both my kids have ADHD and I would never ever make that comparison. It's just not that serious.

For your kids. ADHD is associated with substance abuse, incarceration, suicide, depression, divorce, unemployment and all sorts of other negative outcomes. It IS that serious for a lot of people. For a lot of people it is life threatening.

Nope. Both of my kids have about as severe ADHD as you can have..and one doesn't have the high IQ to compensate. I still would never, ever compare it to a life-threatening chronic medical condition or the inability to walk. The people with those negative outcomes are the ones who don't work hard enough to compensate for the ADHD. People with real medical conditions and physical disabilities do not have that same opportunity. Really, you all really need to gain perspective and start being truly thankful for your children's health.

Not yet. You should be grateful your kids don't have the other mental health issues associated with ADHD..
Depression is a life threatening condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For your kids. ADHD is associated with substance abuse, incarceration, suicide, depression, divorce, unemployment and all sorts of other negative outcomes. It IS that serious for a lot of people. For a lot of people it is life threatening.

NP. DH's family has diagnosed ADHD and has had some issues with jobs (lots of job hopping, occasionally getting fired, etc.) I don't know whether DS has ADHD or just immaturity, he hasn't been tested.

All of those negative outcomes are also associated with prematurity, btw, according to the research. (Yes, I have a preemie.) And with life. Life isn't easy, not many people are excellent at it, most of us muddle through in some fashion or another.

I really dislike people like you. I'm sure you willingly and rightfully took ever medical intervention needed for your child to survive and thrive but you begrudge people medical interventions because their brains don't work as they should.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess PP. people with depression just need to get out of bed, put a smile on their face and try harder. People with panic attacks just need to calm down and realize things are fine.

Two years after I had add, I was still struggling with severe PPD and getting no traction. Medication, therapy, inpatient hospitalization. You name it, I tried it. I tried to kill myself on her second birthday. Because I though she deserved better than a mother who couldn’t take care of her. And that it was better if I was gone before she could remember me.

Now my ADHD DD will run the same risk if she has kids, because ADHD and depression are co-morbid.

So F**k you. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine does not. In fact, my son is an easier kid to raise and more book smart than his sister. I was very surprised because you hear about the bad stuff getting inherited by boys.

My brother has adhd and his adult life looks like a series of failed job attempts, still living in my parents basement, and unmarried. He can't stick with anything. It's very, very sad. I'd say his situation is extreme.

What was your brother like as a child? Was/is he medicated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess PP. people with depression just need to get out of bed, put a smile on their face and try harder. People with panic attacks just need to calm down and realize things are fine.

Two years after I had add, I was still struggling with severe PPD and getting no traction. Medication, therapy, inpatient hospitalization. You name it, I tried it. I tried to kill myself on her second birthday. Because I though she deserved better than a mother who couldn’t take care of her. And that it was better if I was gone before she could remember me.

Now my ADHD DD will run the same risk if she has kids, because ADHD and depression are co-morbid.

So F**k you. Seriously.

Two years after I had DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For your kids. ADHD is associated with substance abuse, incarceration, suicide, depression, divorce, unemployment and all sorts of other negative outcomes. It IS that serious for a lot of people. For a lot of people it is life threatening.

NP. DH's family has diagnosed ADHD and has had some issues with jobs (lots of job hopping, occasionally getting fired, etc.) I don't know whether DS has ADHD or just immaturity, he hasn't been tested.

All of those negative outcomes are also associated with prematurity, btw, according to the research. (Yes, I have a preemie.) And with life. Life isn't easy, not many people are excellent at it, most of us muddle through in some fashion or another.

I really dislike people like you. I'm sure you willingly and rightfully took ever medical intervention needed for your child to survive and thrive but you begrudge people medical interventions because their brains don't work as they should.

Sorry, I was trying to take comfort in the fact that statistics do not have be determinative. As I said, my children have a family history of ADHD and anxiety on one side and depression on the other, and also prematurity which is its own risk factor. My children will live their lives, and they may have some or all of these negative outcomes. Or they may not. It's not foreordained.

[Anonymous]

ADD is alarmingly overdiagnosed. 5% is the upper limit of valid diagnosis, but in actuality 33% of young boys are being diagnosed. That means for every 6 people on here who have been told their son has ADD, only one of them actually has the condituon. That is a potential of 5 boys being given amphetamines unnecessarily.

These parents are claiming their boys being on stimulants are a "Godsend", "miracle", and "life-changing". Well no sh*t captain obvious. Anyone taking a powerful amphetamine is going to see amazing results. Your results wont be so quick if you put thr hard work in as a parent and help guide yiur child through normal behavior challenges kids go through Of course now you have possibly permanantly altered your sons brain chemistry which carries long after exposure has ceased and this is assumingthry dont become addicts. Amphetimines should be a very last resort for those "real" 5% of actual ADD patients.

[Anonymous]

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is-adhd-overdiagnosed-and-overtreated-2017031611304

[Anonymous]

My male child does not have ADHD. My female child does (along with various LDs), and continues to take meds as an adult, although at a lower dose. She's only been working for a couple of years but is doing very well and has gotten great raises. Makes $65k a couple of years out of college so no complaints.

[Anonymous]

No ADHD with DS. I think boys are action oriented and they need to move around a lot. It's hard for them to sit in school all day. I think it's natural and not an illness that requires drugs. It's just the nature of boys.

[Anonymous]

To the poster who has an executive functioning coach for their 15 year old, would you mind sharing their name? We're in Arlington and DD could benefit from this too! Thanks!