Is there anyone whose male child doesn't have ADHD or ADD?

[Anonymous]

I'm 43 and took Ritalin for ADD from about age 12 to age 22.
When I reached adulthood I developed a system of checks and balances to keep on task and organized.
I went to grad school and have a successful career.
I manage a very busy life with 2 working parents (including a husband who works long hours and travels making me the default parent) and 3 school-aged kids who are involved in a lot of activities.
None of my kids (1 boy, 2 girls) have ADD or ADHD. All are neurotypical in every way (luck of the draw).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine does not.

What he did have was immaturity, which leads to the same issues at school, but without the 504 plan.

I suspect this is the category most “ADHD” teens fall into, but everyone has to have a diagnosis of some sort these days.

+1

[Anonymous]

Mine does not. In fact, my son is an easier kid to raise and more book smart than his sister. I was very surprised because you hear about the bad stuff getting inherited by boys.

My brother has adhd and his adult life looks like a series of failed job attempts, still living in my parents basement, and unmarried. He can't stick with anything. It's very, very sad. I'd say his situation is extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD 15 year old. With medication, a 504 and an executive functioning coach, he is doing much better, and each year gets more mature. Right now, he is succeeding as a TJ sophomore. I expect him to have great college options, but to need to chose thoughtfully. Specifically, he will need to look at a small college that focuses on undergrads (Mudd or Rose Hullman for Engineering, Davidson, Swarthmore, Claremont colleges, WM as an I State option, etc. if he does liberal arts).

Boys develop EF skills later than girls, so we are taking it year by year. This is the first year he is able to manage a TJ workload without an EF coach. Which means he should be able to manage a college workload— if he stays on task and doesn’t disappear down a video game rabbit hole. He will be on medication for the foreseeable future, but once he is 18, it will be his choice.

We are talking to him about a gap year to work, intern and gain extra maturity and EF skills, so he is in the best possible position to start college. He seems open to the idea.

I have seen things get better each year. But DH is also ADHD, so I don’t think it will ever be “cured”. I think it can be managed so that he can go to a good college, have a great career and a fulfilling life— if he makes smart choices.

For some reason, this seems a little unfair that he goes to TJ and gets so much help. My average non-ADHD son could do well there too with a lot of help.

So much help? We meet with his teachers once a year for a 504 meeeting. He takes time and a half for math tests and standardized tests. If he gets behind in turning in homework, his teacher contacts me. He takes medication to correct a chemical imbalance in his brain. He no longer needs an EF coach. We monitor homework in a low distrion area, ithout his iPhone.

He is working his a** off. He was able to get into TJ— and took the test without accommodations by the way. Why should he not benefit from the education? He does all the work. Turns it in on time or gets marked down. Is graded the on same scale as everyone else. But has to work harder than many of the kids to get the same grade.

Would you say a kid in wheelchair, or a kid with a chronic medical condition that meant missing a couple of days of school a month and needs teachers to work with them on makeups (his friend, who has a medical IEP) should not be at TJ.

He got in fairly. He does the same work up to the same standard as every her kid. No— your average kid could not do that. Even with extra time on math.

He’s doing something very hard. Made harder by ADHD. I think it’s commendable. It shows maturity and perseverance. I had concerns about. TJ. Proved me wrong. I could not be more proud of this kid.

I mean...he has an "executive functioning coach"...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD 15 year old. With medication, a 504 and an executive functioning coach, he is doing much better, and each year gets more mature. Right now, he is succeeding as a TJ sophomore. I expect him to have great college options, but to need to chose thoughtfully. Specifically, he will need to look at a small college that focuses on undergrads (Mudd or Rose Hullman for Engineering, Davidson, Swarthmore, Claremont colleges, WM as an I State option, etc. if he does liberal arts).

Boys develop EF skills later than girls, so we are taking it year by year. This is the first year he is able to manage a TJ workload without an EF coach. Which means he should be able to manage a college workload— if he stays on task and doesn’t disappear down a video game rabbit hole. He will be on medication for the foreseeable future, but once he is 18, it will be his choice.

We are talking to him about a gap year to work, intern and gain extra maturity and EF skills, so he is in the best possible position to start college. He seems open to the idea.

I have seen things get better each year. But DH is also ADHD, so I don’t think it will ever be “cured”. I think it can be managed so that he can go to a good college, have a great career and a fulfilling life— if he makes smart choices.

For some reason, this seems a little unfair that he goes to TJ and gets so much help. My average non-ADHD son could do well there too with a lot of help.

Completely fair. Your DS doesn't have as high an IQ and probably doesn't work as hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD 15 year old. With medication, a 504 and an executive functioning coach, he is doing much better, and each year gets more mature. Right now, he is succeeding as a TJ sophomore. I expect him to have great college options, but to need to chose thoughtfully. Specifically, he will need to look at a small college that focuses on undergrads (Mudd or Rose Hullman for Engineering, Davidson, Swarthmore, Claremont colleges, WM as an I State option, etc. if he does liberal arts).

Boys develop EF skills later than girls, so we are taking it year by year. This is the first year he is able to manage a TJ workload without an EF coach. Which means he should be able to manage a college workload— if he stays on task and doesn’t disappear down a video game rabbit hole. He will be on medication for the foreseeable future, but once he is 18, it will be his choice.

We are talking to him about a gap year to work, intern and gain extra maturity and EF skills, so he is in the best possible position to start college. He seems open to the idea.

I have seen things get better each year. But DH is also ADHD, so I don’t think it will ever be “cured”. I think it can be managed so that he can go to a good college, have a great career and a fulfilling life— if he makes smart choices.

For some reason, this seems a little unfair that he goes to TJ and gets so much help. My average non-ADHD son could do well there too with a lot of help.

So much help? We meet with his teachers once a year for a 504 meeeting. He takes time and a half for math tests and standardized tests. If he gets behind in turning in homework, his teacher contacts me. He takes medication to correct a chemical imbalance in his brain. He no longer needs an EF coach. We monitor homework in a low distrion area, ithout his iPhone.

He is working his a** off. He was able to get into TJ— and took the test without accommodations by the way. Why should he not benefit from the education? He does all the work. Turns it in on time or gets marked down. Is graded the on same scale as everyone else. But has to work harder than many of the kids to get the same grade.

Would you say a kid in wheelchair, or a kid with a chronic medical condition that meant missing a couple of days of school a month and needs teachers to work with them on makeups (his friend, who has a medical IEP) should not be at TJ.

He got in fairly. He does the same work up to the same standard as every her kid. No— your average kid could not do that. Even with extra time on math.

He’s doing something very hard. Made harder by ADHD. I think it’s commendable. It shows maturity and perseverance. I had concerns about. TJ. Proved me wrong. I could not be more proud of this kid.

I mean...he has an "executive functioning coach"...

Oh no! I just stuck up for you and your DS, then you compared ADHD to a serious disability or chronic medical condition. I take back my support. And yes, both my kids have ADHD and I would never ever make that comparison. It's just not that serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Oh no! I just stuck up for you and your DS, then you compared ADHD to a serious disability or chronic medical condition. I take back my support. And yes, both my kids have ADHD and I would never ever make that comparison. It's just not that serious.

DP. For some people it isn't. For some people it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD 15 year old. With medication, a 504 and an executive functioning coach, he is doing much better, and each year gets more mature. Right now, he is succeeding as a TJ sophomore. I expect him to have great college options, but to need to chose thoughtfully. Specifically, he will need to look at a small college that focuses on undergrads (Mudd or Rose Hullman for Engineering, Davidson, Swarthmore, Claremont colleges, WM as an I State option, etc. if he does liberal arts).

Boys develop EF skills later than girls, so we are taking it year by year. This is the first year he is able to manage a TJ workload without an EF coach. Which means he should be able to manage a college workload— if he stays on task and doesn’t disappear down a video game rabbit hole. He will be on medication for the foreseeable future, but once he is 18, it will be his choice.

We are talking to him about a gap year to work, intern and gain extra maturity and EF skills, so he is in the best possible position to start college. He seems open to the idea.

I have seen things get better each year. But DH is also ADHD, so I don’t think it will ever be “cured”. I think it can be managed so that he can go to a good college, have a great career and a fulfilling life— if he makes smart choices.

For some reason, this seems a little unfair that he goes to TJ and gets so much help. My average non-ADHD son could do well there too with a lot of help.

So much help? We meet with his teachers once a year for a 504 meeeting. He takes time and a half for math tests and standardized tests. If he gets behind in turning in homework, his teacher contacts me. He takes medication to correct a chemical imbalance in his brain. He no longer needs an EF coach. We monitor homework in a low distrion area, ithout his iPhone.

He is working his a** off. He was able to get into TJ— and took the test without accommodations by the way. Why should he not benefit from the education? He does all the work. Turns it in on time or gets marked down. Is graded the on same scale as everyone else. But has to work harder than many of the kids to get the same grade.

Would you say a kid in wheelchair, or a kid with a chronic medical condition that meant missing a couple of days of school a month and needs teachers to work with them on makeups (his friend, who has a medical IEP) should not be at TJ.

He got in fairly. He does the same work up to the same standard as every her kid. No— your average kid could not do that. Even with extra time on math.

He’s doing something very hard. Made harder by ADHD. I think it’s commendable. It shows maturity and perseverance. I had concerns about. TJ. Proved me wrong. I could not be more proud of this kid.

I mean...he has an "executive functioning coach"...

Oh no! I just stuck up for you and your DS, then you compared ADHD to a serious disability or chronic medical condition. I take back my support. And yes, both my kids have ADHD and I would never ever make that comparison. It's just not that serious.

For your kids. ADHD is associated with substance abuse, incarceration, suicide, depression, divorce, unemployment and all sorts of other negative outcomes. It IS that serious for a lot of people. For a lot of people it is life threatening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD 15 year old. With medication, a 504 and an executive functioning coach, he is doing much better, and each year gets more mature. Right now, he is succeeding as a TJ sophomore. I expect him to have great college options, but to need to chose thoughtfully. Specifically, he will need to look at a small college that focuses on undergrads (Mudd or Rose Hullman for Engineering, Davidson, Swarthmore, Claremont colleges, WM as an I State option, etc. if he does liberal arts).

Boys develop EF skills later than girls, so we are taking it year by year. This is the first year he is able to manage a TJ workload without an EF coach. Which means he should be able to manage a college workload— if he stays on task and doesn’t disappear down a video game rabbit hole. He will be on medication for the foreseeable future, but once he is 18, it will be his choice.

We are talking to him about a gap year to work, intern and gain extra maturity and EF skills, so he is in the best possible position to start college. He seems open to the idea.

I have seen things get better each year. But DH is also ADHD, so I don’t think it will ever be “cured”. I think it can be managed so that he can go to a good college, have a great career and a fulfilling life— if he makes smart choices.

For some reason, this seems a little unfair that he goes to TJ and gets so much help. My average non-ADHD son could do well there too with a lot of help.

So much help? We meet with his teachers once a year for a 504 meeeting. He takes time and a half for math tests and standardized tests. If he gets behind in turning in homework, his teacher contacts me. He takes medication to correct a chemical imbalance in his brain. He no longer needs an EF coach. We monitor homework in a low distrion area, ithout his iPhone.

He is working his a** off. He was able to get into TJ— and took the test without accommodations by the way. Why should he not benefit from the education? He does all the work. Turns it in on time or gets marked down. Is graded the on same scale as everyone else. But has to work harder than many of the kids to get the same grade.

Would you say a kid in wheelchair, or a kid with a chronic medical condition that meant missing a couple of days of school a month and needs teachers to work with them on makeups (his friend, who has a medical IEP) should not be at TJ.

He got in fairly. He does the same work up to the same standard as every her kid. No— your average kid could not do that. Even with extra time on math.

He’s doing something very hard. Made harder by ADHD. I think it’s commendable. It shows maturity and perseverance. I had concerns about. TJ. Proved me wrong. I could not be more proud of this kid.

I mean...he has an "executive functioning coach"...

HAD an EF coach. An hour a week. Paid for by us. He needed to learn how to organize his schedule and plan his school work. We got him the help he needed. Now he can manage a workload that would crush most kids on his own.

I don’t see the problem with getting a kid the help they need to succeed academically.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, PP. I had to learn most of that stuff on my own as a professional. HS and college would have been a lot easier if I'd had someone to teach me that stuff then.

[Anonymous]

My husband has ADHD. He has a PhD, is a rock star in his field, has a happy marriage and one kid (so far). He does take medication on work days, but does not on weekends.

For the most part its no big deal as his wife. Sometimes I find things in the fridge that don't belong there and he leaves drawers or cabinets open all the time. Sometimes I have to remind him about something I asked him to do (but if I email him or text him he's good). There are small tweaks we do to make his life easier, but he is happy and successful. Sometimes he laments that it is annoying that seemingly minor things take a lot of effort, but he's learned to compensate and uses strategies like keeping an electronic calendar for everything.

I guess my point is its an annoyance at times, but so are a lot of things. If my worst complaint about my husband is he sometimes forgets to do something I asked, or gets distracted during a conversation, well...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD 15 year old. With medication, a 504 and an executive functioning coach, he is doing much better, and each year gets more mature. Right now, he is succeeding as a TJ sophomore. I expect him to have great college options, but to need to chose thoughtfully. Specifically, he will need to look at a small college that focuses on undergrads (Mudd or Rose Hullman for Engineering, Davidson, Swarthmore, Claremont colleges, WM as an I State option, etc. if he does liberal arts).

Boys develop EF skills later than girls, so we are taking it year by year. This is the first year he is able to manage a TJ workload without an EF coach. Which means he should be able to manage a college workload— if he stays on task and doesn’t disappear down a video game rabbit hole. He will be on medication for the foreseeable future, but once he is 18, it will be his choice.

We are talking to him about a gap year to work, intern and gain extra maturity and EF skills, so he is in the best possible position to start college. He seems open to the idea.

I have seen things get better each year. But DH is also ADHD, so I don’t think it will ever be “cured”. I think it can be managed so that he can go to a good college, have a great career and a fulfilling life— if he makes smart choices.

For some reason, this seems a little unfair that he goes to TJ and gets so much help. My average non-ADHD son could do well there too with a lot of help.

So much help? We meet with his teachers once a year for a 504 meeeting. He takes time and a half for math tests and standardized tests. If he gets behind in turning in homework, his teacher contacts me. He takes medication to correct a chemical imbalance in his brain. He no longer needs an EF coach. We monitor homework in a low distrion area, ithout his iPhone.

He is working his a** off. He was able to get into TJ— and took the test without accommodations by the way. Why should he not benefit from the education? He does all the work. Turns it in on time or gets marked down. Is graded the on same scale as everyone else. But has to work harder than many of the kids to get the same grade.

Would you say a kid in wheelchair, or a kid with a chronic medical condition that meant missing a couple of days of school a month and needs teachers to work with them on makeups (his friend, who has a medical IEP) should not be at TJ.

He got in fairly. He does the same work up to the same standard as every her kid. No— your average kid could not do that. Even with extra time on math.

He’s doing something very hard. Made harder by ADHD. I think it’s commendable. It shows maturity and perseverance. I had concerns about. TJ. Proved me wrong. I could not be more proud of this kid.

I mean...he has an "executive functioning coach"...

Oh no! I just stuck up for you and your DS, then you compared ADHD to a serious disability or chronic medical condition. I take back my support. And yes, both my kids have ADHD and I would never ever make that comparison. It's just not that serious.

Because it IS a chronic medical condition that he will need to manage for the rest of his life. It isn’t less serious because it is mental, not physical.

But the point isn’t which is more serious. You’re right. A wheelchair is a different league. It’s that PP thinks accommodations for a mental issue, which is often invisible, are unfair. But would likely be fine with accommodations, like extended deadlines, for the kid who chronically misses school to treat a chronic physical condition. Physical problem. Mental problem. If the kid can adapt to the TJ curriculum and get in, they should be given the chance to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD 15 year old. With medication, a 504 and an executive functioning coach, he is doing much better, and each year gets more mature. Right now, he is succeeding as a TJ sophomore. I expect him to have great college options, but to need to chose thoughtfully. Specifically, he will need to look at a small college that focuses on undergrads (Mudd or Rose Hullman for Engineering, Davidson, Swarthmore, Claremont colleges, WM as an I State option, etc. if he does liberal arts).

Boys develop EF skills later than girls, so we are taking it year by year. This is the first year he is able to manage a TJ workload without an EF coach. Which means he should be able to manage a college workload— if he stays on task and doesn’t disappear down a video game rabbit hole. He will be on medication for the foreseeable future, but once he is 18, it will be his choice.

We are talking to him about a gap year to work, intern and gain extra maturity and EF skills, so he is in the best possible position to start college. He seems open to the idea.

I have seen things get better each year. But DH is also ADHD, so I don’t think it will ever be “cured”. I think it can be managed so that he can go to a good college, have a great career and a fulfilling life— if he makes smart choices.

For some reason, this seems a little unfair that he goes to TJ and gets so much help. My average non-ADHD son could do well there too with a lot of help.

So much help? We meet with his teachers once a year for a 504 meeeting. He takes time and a half for math tests and standardized tests. If he gets behind in turning in homework, his teacher contacts me. He takes medication to correct a chemical imbalance in his brain. He no longer needs an EF coach. We monitor homework in a low distrion area, ithout his iPhone.

He is working his a** off. He was able to get into TJ— and took the test without accommodations by the way. Why should he not benefit from the education? He does all the work. Turns it in on time or gets marked down. Is graded the on same scale as everyone else. But has to work harder than many of the kids to get the same grade.

Would you say a kid in wheelchair, or a kid with a chronic medical condition that meant missing a couple of days of school a month and needs teachers to work with them on makeups (his friend, who has a medical IEP) should not be at TJ.

He got in fairly. He does the same work up to the same standard as every her kid. No— your average kid could not do that. Even with extra time on math.

He’s doing something very hard. Made harder by ADHD. I think it’s commendable. It shows maturity and perseverance. I had concerns about. TJ. Proved me wrong. I could not be more proud of this kid.

I mean...he has an "executive functioning coach"...

Oh no! I just stuck up for you and your DS, then you compared ADHD to a serious disability or chronic medical condition. I take back my support. And yes, both my kids have ADHD and I would never ever make that comparison. It's just not that serious.

For your kids. ADHD is associated with substance abuse, incarceration, suicide, depression, divorce, unemployment and all sorts of other negative outcomes. It IS that serious for a lot of people. For a lot of people it is life threatening.

Nope. Both of my kids have about as severe ADHD as you can have..and one doesn't have the high IQ to compensate. I still would never, ever compare it to a life-threatening chronic medical condition or the inability to walk. The people with those negative outcomes are the ones who don't work hard enough to compensate for the ADHD. People with real medical conditions and physical disabilities do not have that same opportunity. Really, you all really need to gain perspective and start being truly thankful for your children's health.

[Anonymous]

My 15 year old started ADHD meds in 2nd grade, and they were life changing. He was basically unable to sit through class and starting to suffer a lot of anxiety and depression in school. As he's matured, the meds have mattered less. At this point as a high school sophomore taking lots of AP classes and no longer taking meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD 15 year old. With medication, a 504 and an executive functioning coach, he is doing much better, and each year gets more mature. Right now, he is succeeding as a TJ sophomore. I expect him to have great college options, but to need to chose thoughtfully. Specifically, he will need to look at a small college that focuses on undergrads (Mudd or Rose Hullman for Engineering, Davidson, Swarthmore, Claremont colleges, WM as an I State option, etc. if he does liberal arts).

Boys develop EF skills later than girls, so we are taking it year by year. This is the first year he is able to manage a TJ workload without an EF coach. Which means he should be able to manage a college workload— if he stays on task and doesn’t disappear down a video game rabbit hole. He will be on medication for the foreseeable future, but once he is 18, it will be his choice.

We are talking to him about a gap year to work, intern and gain extra maturity and EF skills, so he is in the best possible position to start college. He seems open to the idea.

I have seen things get better each year. But DH is also ADHD, so I don’t think it will ever be “cured”. I think it can be managed so that he can go to a good college, have a great career and a fulfilling life— if he makes smart choices.

For some reason, this seems a little unfair that he goes to TJ and gets so much help. My average non-ADHD son could do well there too with a lot of help.

So much help? We meet with his teachers once a year for a 504 meeeting. He takes time and a half for math tests and standardized tests. If he gets behind in turning in homework, his teacher contacts me. He takes medication to correct a chemical imbalance in his brain. He no longer needs an EF coach. We monitor homework in a low distrion area, ithout his iPhone.

He is working his a** off. He was able to get into TJ— and took the test without accommodations by the way. Why should he not benefit from the education? He does all the work. Turns it in on time or gets marked down. Is graded the on same scale as everyone else. But has to work harder than many of the kids to get the same grade.

Would you say a kid in wheelchair, or a kid with a chronic medical condition that meant missing a couple of days of school a month and needs teachers to work with them on makeups (his friend, who has a medical IEP) should not be at TJ.

He got in fairly. He does the same work up to the same standard as every her kid. No— your average kid could not do that. Even with extra time on math.

He’s doing something very hard. Made harder by ADHD. I think it’s commendable. It shows maturity and perseverance. I had concerns about. TJ. Proved me wrong. I could not be more proud of this kid.

I mean...he has an "executive functioning coach"...

Oh no! I just stuck up for you and your DS, then you compared ADHD to a serious disability or chronic medical condition. I take back my support. And yes, both my kids have ADHD and I would never ever make that comparison. It's just not that serious.

For your kids. ADHD is associated with substance abuse, incarceration, suicide, depression, divorce, unemployment and all sorts of other negative outcomes. It IS that serious for a lot of people. For a lot of people it is life threatening.

Nope. Both of my kids have about as severe ADHD as you can have..and one doesn't have the high IQ to compensate. I still would never, ever compare it to a life-threatening chronic medical condition or the inability to walk. The people with those negative outcomes are the ones who don't work hard enough to compensate for the ADHD. People with real medical conditions and physical disabilities do not have that same opportunity. Really, you all really need to gain perspective and start being truly thankful for your children's health.

You lost me at ADHD isn’t a “real” medical condition. Medication. Therapy. Psychiatrist. 504 meetings. Working with teachers. EF coaching.

Just no.