Is there anyone whose male child doesn't have ADHD or ADD?

[Anonymous]

Most of my son's friends do not have ADD/ADHD.

I've had concerns about DS over the years, particularly in mid-elementary years, because of teacher complaints about impulsive behavior. We had bunch of conferences in 3rd grade but in the end the school's opinion was that he was just young (June birthday) and very extroverted and he'd outgrow it. 4th grade teacher didn't have as many concerns, nor did 5th. Then we entered the black hole of MS where we had almost no feedback from school so it wasn't raised an issue, except that we knew he hated school. Started 9th grade at a smaller school with a lot more feedback from teachers and now it's clear that while he may have outgrown some of it and been about as expected for a 4th-5th grade boy he doesn't seem to have grown beyond that and it's a constant classroom problem. So, we're having a full neuropsych evaluation to clarify what the real issue is -- is it executive function deficiencies, ADD, something else? If it is ADD, I'm open to medication (along with other behavior supports) for a 15 yr old in a way I would not have been for an 8 yr old who just seemed to need to outgrow it and have teachers who could tolerate and guide typical young boy behavior. I do think it's probably overdiagnosed in the younger years when the normal range of behavior (especially for boys) is often not tolerated in schools and incorporating a lot more movement/recess would help a lot of kids. But, when DS's HS teachers are saying his behavior is way out of bounds for a boy his age, that's a big red flag that we're no longer in the normal/he'll outgrow it range.

[Anonymous]

It's weird to me that so many uninformed people have such an investment in insisting that ADHD isn't a thing. It's also weird to me that so many people claim to know how many of their friend's kids have a diagnosis and use meds. DS is mortified when people talk about his diagnosis and hates taking meds. He's an athlete and they suppress his appetite and make it really hard for him to maintain his weight. This notion that "all boys are diagnosed with ADHD" is crazy to me, and I think mostly something that exists in the minds of ignorant adults rather than in objective reality. DS is the only one in his current friend group of more than 20 boys that I know of with a diagnosis and one of two boys among all of our friends kids (>30 kids).

DS was always the kid that dramatically, overwhelmingly stood out from his peer group. Not in being an active boy or spacing out occasionally as all kids do. He was the kid who became so distressed trying to sit still through a school day in second grade that he started hurting himself in order to try to stay focused and had to go to the ER. He was one one kid from the entire school in school assemblies who was absolutely incapable of sitting in a chair for 90 minutes, and being constantly corrected by teachers was a frequent humiliation to him. He was the kid who became so anxious about having to go to school and try to sit still that he couldn't sleep until 4 in the morning on school nights in second grade. This was not at a magnet school or some high pressure environment --- this was second grade at the neighborhood elementary.

He wasn't "handed meds by a pediatrician." He was evaluated by a team that included a psychiatrist, a neurologist, a PhD clinical psychologist and a PhD social worker. He spent an entire day being interviewed and doing a large battery of tests, and has done similar annual followup testing every year since. The tests found that he was extremely intelligent but had substantial executive function deficits as well as ADHD.

This notion of kids "walking through life drugged" is so stupid and obviously being spouted by people who have no idea what they are talking about. DS was put on a very low dose of extended release meds (the lowest they make, actually), and his experience of school changed dramatically. He was able to engage in normal second grade school work. He was able to sit still long enough to read a book. He took an interest in a sport because suddenly he was no longer losing the thread of what was going in on the middle of each and every play. He was suddenly not terrified to go to school so he could go to sleep on school nights. This idea that kids go through life in some kind of fog because of ADHD meds is so stupid and harmful -- for DS they suddenly allowed him to engage with people in a way that he never had before --- for the first couple of weeks he spent a huge amount of time asking questions of me, his mom and his grandparents almost like he had had tons of things to ask us previously but was too distracted to ask them. He read books. He wrote stories. Basically, his life improved dramatically for the better.

The notion that if a kid grows out of ADHD then they never had it is also idiotic. Over time, DS's unmedicated behavior went from being several standard deviations outside the norm of his classmates to being more within the range of normal. He refused to increase the dosage of his meds as he grew, and he experimented with not taking them at all. Now he takes them when he needs to but can get by without them. This is totally normal and happens for some kids since ADHD is about brain development, and for some kids it takes longer but they catch up. That doesn't mean that they never had an issue, it means that they had a developmental delay but caught up. Denying them life-changing care while the delay exists is not smart.

[Anonymous]

One of my twins does and the other doesn't (both boys.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's weird to me that so many uninformed people have such an investment in insisting that ADHD isn't a thing. It's also weird to me that so many people claim to know how many of their friend's kids have a diagnosis and use meds. DS is mortified when people talk about his diagnosis and hates taking meds. He's an athlete and they suppress his appetite and make it really hard for him to maintain his weight. This notion that "all boys are diagnosed with ADHD" is crazy to me, and I think mostly something that exists in the minds of ignorant adults rather than in objective reality. DS is the only one in his current friend group of more than 20 boys that I know of with a diagnosis and one of two boys among all of our friends kids (>30 kids).

DS was always the kid that dramatically, overwhelmingly stood out from his peer group. Not in being an active boy or spacing out occasionally as all kids do. He was the kid who became so distressed trying to sit still through a school day in second grade that he started hurting himself in order to try to stay focused and had to go to the ER. He was one one kid from the entire school in school assemblies who was absolutely incapable of sitting in a chair for 90 minutes, and being constantly corrected by teachers was a frequent humiliation to him. He was the kid who became so anxious about having to go to school and try to sit still that he couldn't sleep until 4 in the morning on school nights in second grade. This was not at a magnet school or some high pressure environment --- this was second grade at the neighborhood elementary.

He wasn't "handed meds by a pediatrician." He was evaluated by a team that included a psychiatrist, a neurologist, a PhD clinical psychologist and a PhD social worker. He spent an entire day being interviewed and doing a large battery of tests, and has done similar annual followup testing every year since. The tests found that he was extremely intelligent but had substantial executive function deficits as well as ADHD.

This notion of kids "walking through life drugged" is so stupid and obviously being spouted by people who have no idea what they are talking about. DS was put on a very low dose of extended release meds (the lowest they make, actually), and his experience of school changed dramatically. He was able to engage in normal second grade school work. He was able to sit still long enough to read a book. He took an interest in a sport because suddenly he was no longer losing the thread of what was going in on the middle of each and every play. He was suddenly not terrified to go to school so he could go to sleep on school nights. This idea that kids go through life in some kind of fog because of ADHD meds is so stupid and harmful -- for DS they suddenly allowed him to engage with people in a way that he never had before --- for the first couple of weeks he spent a huge amount of time asking questions of me, his mom and his grandparents almost like he had had tons of things to ask us previously but was too distracted to ask them. He read books. He wrote stories. Basically, his life improved dramatically for the better.

The notion that if a kid grows out of ADHD then they never had it is also idiotic. Over time, DS's unmedicated behavior went from being several standard deviations outside the norm of his classmates to being more within the range of normal. He refused to increase the dosage of his meds as he grew, and he experimented with not taking them at all. Now he takes them when he needs to but can get by without them. This is totally normal and happens for some kids since ADHD is about brain development, and for some kids it takes longer but they catch up. That doesn't mean that they never had an issue, it means that they had a developmental delay but caught up. Denying them life-changing care while the delay exists is not smart.

Amen. And thank you for typing all that out.

[Anonymous]

I've got one with ADHD and one without. The one with ADHD is not on meds and also has mild cerebral palsy. He has had therapies (physical, speech, occupational, and behavioral) and an IEP for years and has made great improvements. He is phasing out of the IEP. You would not know he has either if you met him. Its not until you actually spend time with doing physical activities or ask him to recount directions that you just gave him do you start to notice that there might be an issue. He and his brother are great kids and I expect great things from both of them.

[Anonymous]

Thanks 11:16. Having a child with SN is so isolating. So many people are quite sure that if you just did X, there would be no problem, or if you stopped doing Y, or its because you did Z while you were pregnant. I remind myself it's just a natural process of risk minimization that is part of their mental health ... the judger, that is. Because if it's actually real and it's not curable and it can happen to any family, then that's scary.

ADHD may be over diagnosed, but I will fight every time for parents who are in the middle of it to be taken seriously. It's hard enough already without the judgers piling on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15 year old started ADHD meds in 2nd grade, and they were life changing. He was basically unable to sit through class and starting to suffer a lot of anxiety and depression in school. As he's matured, the meds have mattered less. At this point as a high school sophomore taking lots of AP classes and no longer taking meds.

This tells me your son didn't have adhd. It was just immaturity. Seems like you drugged him just to make life easier. I get it, but it doesn't seem like he has adhd. I have a 12 yr old DS, and he was pretty challenging at 7, too. But, he doesn't have adhd. He was just a boy full of energy and lots of things going around his head, like most 7 yr olds.

I don't understand people who tell complete strangers on the Internet that medical professionals diagnosed and provided care to the strangers' children incorrectly.

+1
I have two boys. Both rambunctious as elementary schoolers, but only one who had ADHD. I hate constantly defending my child and my parenting from people who have NO IDEA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an adult woman with a happy marriage, 2 small kids, a full time job and ADD. I am an executive at a large consulting company and I haven’t taken meds since I started trying to get pregnant with my first child 5 years ago.
I am able to manage my ADD through having routines, regular exercise, good sleep habits, monitoring caffeine intake, and meditation. It sucks that I have to do “all the right things” to be baseline normal while other people can eat junk, not sleep, not exercise, etc. but I was tired of being addicted to the meds.

This. I manage well as an adult with routines and lists.