When you're not the favorite child due to bigotry and you know it...

[Anonymous]

OP, this is much more than not being the favorite. I'm not the favorite, but my mom is still very loving to me. Your parents are straight up abusive, and unfortunately, family isn't always the one you are born into. I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. Hopefully, your brother will be kind, despite your parents' world view. Just sending you a hug!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, cut them off. Maybe when your teen brother is an adult you can be friends with him if he doesn't turn out like your parents. These people have nothing to offer you but more pain. Find friends that can become your family.

Honestly, straight white people will not get what you are going through because most of them have never been marginalized. You can tell by the responses you are getting here.

Build a diverse group of friends and therapy, therapy therapy!

Ummm excuse me? I'm 19:29 above who said to move on from her family of origin because she shouldn't stay in a situation where she's disrespected. And that she can choose her family. So I basically said the same thing as you. I'm also straight and white. So that was a pretty rude thing to say. If you find yourself being regularly disrespected then maybe you should consider how much you've been disrespecting other people too, rather than rushing to blame others for being racist or whatever.

FWIW I've also moved on from my family of origin.

Stop centering yourself in this. The marker of a straight, white woman. It is not rude to tell you that. Straight white women hurt feelings are SO difficult to deal with. Moving from your family of origin does not make you a member of a marginalized population. You will never understand it. You are very lucky.

Many, many Americans ARE racist, by the way.

Right just like many Americans are sexist. I've seen it time and time again where parents favor the son over the daughter. Usually it's subtle but it's there.

Having said that OP, if you don't want to spend time with them, then don't. You can't control how they act, only your reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They believe homosexual activity is a sin and living in sin day in and day out will send you to hell for eternity. They are probably heartbroken about it. By accepting and supporting your lifestyle they would be basically shoving you into hell. If they believe the bible then they are showing you love by trying to save you from hell.

oh jesus

This is what the bible teaches and nothing is more important than your eternal destination. Almost every funeral I go to is in a church. When people die everybody all the sudden wants Jesus to protect the loved one. If you've lived a life of open defiance and mocking indifference of Gods will then you can end up in hell for eternity. I don't know of any parent that would encourage their child on their path to hell. If you believe the bible you would be heartbroken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They believe homosexual activity is a sin and living in sin day in and day out will send you to hell for eternity. They are probably heartbroken about it. By accepting and supporting your lifestyle they would be basically shoving you into hell. If they believe the bible then they are showing you love by trying to save you from hell.

oh jesus

Jesus loved everyone. No questions.

Jesus even loves those in hell. He is heartbroken over hard proud hearts and their refusal to ask for and accept the gift of forgiveness and turn from a sinful lifestyle of fornication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, cut them off. Maybe when your teen brother is an adult you can be friends with him if he doesn't turn out like your parents. These people have nothing to offer you but more pain. Find friends that can become your family.

Honestly, straight white people will not get what you are going through because most of them have never been marginalized. You can tell by the responses you are getting here.

Build a diverse group of friends and therapy, therapy therapy!

Ummm excuse me? I'm 19:29 above who said to move on from her family of origin because she shouldn't stay in a situation where she's disrespected. And that she can choose her family. So I basically said the same thing as you. I'm also straight and white. So that was a pretty rude thing to say. If you find yourself being regularly disrespected then maybe you should consider how much you've been disrespecting other people too, rather than rushing to blame others for being racist or whatever.

FWIW I've also moved on from my family of origin.

Stop centering yourself in this. The marker of a straight, white woman. It is not rude to tell you that. Straight white women hurt feelings are SO difficult to deal with. Moving from your family of origin does not make you a member of a marginalized population. You will never understand it. You are very lucky.

Many, many Americans ARE racist, by the way.

NP here: agree with PP - your hate speech is rude. Like many people who spew hate speech, you don't recognize that your comments are illogical, and you're not capable of understanding how to stop centering yourself in someone else's experiences.

Saying that a straight, white person in America will not understand the experience of a marginalized person is NOT hate speech. FULL STOP.

It is the TRUTH. A straight, white person in America can sympathize with a marginalized person, can be liberal, a social justice warrior etc but they cannot know how it feels to be marginalized in that way.

The fact that some of you are jumping on this truth and calling it hate speech is absolutely absurd and still proves my point that you are just centering yourselves in something that is not about you.

I agree 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, cut them off. Maybe when your teen brother is an adult you can be friends with him if he doesn't turn out like your parents. These people have nothing to offer you but more pain. Find friends that can become your family.

Honestly, straight white people will not get what you are going through because most of them have never been marginalized. You can tell by the responses you are getting here.

Build a diverse group of friends and therapy, therapy therapy!

Ummm excuse me? I'm 19:29 above who said to move on from her family of origin because she shouldn't stay in a situation where she's disrespected. And that she can choose her family. So I basically said the same thing as you. I'm also straight and white. So that was a pretty rude thing to say. If you find yourself being regularly disrespected then maybe you should consider how much you've been disrespecting other people too, rather than rushing to blame others for being racist or whatever.

FWIW I've also moved on from my family of origin.

Stop centering yourself in this. The marker of a straight, white woman. It is not rude to tell you that. Straight white women hurt feelings are SO difficult to deal with. Moving from your family of origin does not make you a member of a marginalized population. You will never understand it. You are very lucky.

Many, many Americans ARE racist, by the way.

NP here: agree with PP - your hate speech is rude. Like many people who spew hate speech, you don't recognize that your comments are illogical, and you're not capable of understanding how to stop centering yourself in someone else's experiences.

Saying that a straight, white person in America will not understand the experience of a marginalized person is NOT hate speech. FULL STOP.

It is the TRUTH. A straight, white person in America can sympathize with a marginalized person, can be liberal, a social justice warrior etc but they cannot know how it feels to be marginalized in that way.

The fact that some of you are jumping on this truth and calling it hate speech is absolutely absurd and still proves my point that you are just centering yourselves in something that is not about you.

The world hates Gods people (the Christians and Jews). Many straight whites are born again Christians and Orthodox Jews ... True believers who are institutionally marginalized by the world that hates the light and prefers it's sinful ways in the darkness. Jesus said "the world hated me and it will hate you my followers". The world embraces and coddles fornication and false religion because as Jesus said "the path to hell is wide and many will go that way. The path to heaven is narrow and few who find it". The witnesses of visions of hell at Fatima wrote that most of the dead are in hell and the biggest reason is sexual sin.

I agree 100%

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have any friends? Not people who "understand your experiences," but people who genuinely like you as a person? Because you sound like a grade A bitch on paper. Are you a lonely angry millennial woman whose only solace is her career in middle management? This is the vibe you give off.

Your sexual orientation and other perceived reasons for not being accepted sound irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need to go low contact with your family if you haven't already, and consider going no contact. They will never accept you or love you the way parents should love their child. I think you should focus on building your chosen family - of caring friends, neighbors, a spouse, etc. - and not devote any more time or energy or emotion to the people who birthed you.

[Anonymous]

Boy did the nutball zealots find this thread fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boy did the nutball zealots find this thread fast.

No kidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boy did the nutball zealots find this thread fast.

Do they just lurk here all the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy did the nutball zealots find this thread fast.

Do they just lurk here all the time?

Some posters seem to feel strongly about some of the points raised in this thread. Like you, they're having trouble expressing themselves appropriately/constructively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy did the nutball zealots find this thread fast.

Do they just lurk here all the time?

Don't diminish their truth by calling them nutball zealots. Your opinion is irrelevant because can't understand their experience. Their truth is 100% correct, just as your truth is 100% correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boy did the nutball zealots find this thread fast.

Your self-awareness is commendable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in my late twenties and have a challenging relationship with my family. Simply put, they are stereotypical Trump supporters and put me through absolute hell during my teenage years. This includes abusing me for being a lesbian and allowing me to be sexually abused. Luckily, I've actually done well so far in my career and have made friends who understand my experiences. However, I'm still in contact with my family and am able to see how they treat my teenage brother compared to how they treated me at that age and the differences are night and day. I was always known as the nicer and more diligent kid and appear to have similar aptitude to him, but they treat him like he has unlimited potential and spoil him silly. He gets tons of hand holding and is given practically anything he wants. When I was that age, I was punished into praying the gay away and treated like I was stupid despite 98th percentile SAT scores and being more accomplished than him on paper. I am also aware of how this past treatment has limited me socially and to some degree, professionally because I learned to view myself in the worst possible light and also lost friends from growing up due to homophobia. I realize it's not healthy to carry past pain with me but I feel like I'm reaching a bit of a boiling point with my family. I have stood up to them and expressed very clearly how I feel and they're in complete denial while still being homophobic and sexist. What should I do at this point? I went to therapy for a few months and it was very helpful in allowing me to make sense of my experiences and learn how to stand up for myself, but my family is still the same. I hope that when I'm in a long term relationship I can spend more time with my significant other's family, but feel like I'm getting frustrated by the stagnation in the meantime.

OP would you want to be the favorite child if these people. Having no family is better than putting up with them. You sound like a great person so live your life and don't listen to their hate.