When you're not the favorite child due to bigotry and you know it...

[Anonymous]

You lost me at "stereotypical Trump supporters". That's bigotry and immaturity on your part right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "stereotypical Trump supporters". That's bigotry and immaturity on your part right there.

Lol, Trump supporters are such snowflakes!

[Anonymous]

You're at the age, OP, where it's typical to be angry at the unfairness and dysfunction you've begun to recognize in your family. Feel it and then work on letting it go.

You will have to work on accepting that they won't change, and that your self-acceptance and your path in life is not dependent on their changing or their approval or them seeing the light in any way.

Build your own life, choose people to be like family to you. Be open to anyone from your family who reaches out to you with love and acceptance. One day, your little brother may.

[Anonymous]

OP I had a similar dynamic. I was depressed much of my adult life until I met my husband who has provided a stable healthy, loving relationship. I haven’t had major depression since. A huge part of my depression was the fact my family placed conditions on their love for me. I never felt they really loved me and I never felt they would be my support network. I’m straight but I married an Arab Muslim. And that drove them bonkers.

In the mean time, they also highly favored and spoiled my brother. However, I didn’t feel jealous of him. I was actually happy because that took pressure off me to be close to them. I envisioned him taking care of them in their old age, not me.

So, a couple of things:. Learn to create and maintain healthy caring relationships, friends and romances both. Create your healthy social support network. If you are having trouble, as I did, therapy helps.

Set strict boundaries with your family. For me, I left the house if my parents engaged in racist discussions. Which happened almost every time I went over. I used to debate with them, but instead I just politely excused myself and left. This did modify their behavior. But don’t make that a goal. I got lucky. Not everyone changes their behavior.

I’d work through the jealousy in therapy. It’s natural to feel that way because your brother has the parents you always wanted. And that hurts. But he’s a kid and he can’t help how they are or how they treat the two of you differently. Try to work on cultivating a healthy sibling bond.

Mourn the fact you won’t have the parents you want. It’s ok to be sad. I have a son now and I’m doing my best to create for him the unconditional, healthy love every child needs. That has given me a strength I didn’t realize I had. I absolutely don’t take shit from my parents now. Dad calling my infant a towel head, I’m out. Not a second thought....

You can do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "stereotypical Trump supporters". That's bigotry and immaturity on your part right there.

No it’s not. The sad little base that still supports Trump is racist and bigoted. That’s all that’s left... and data backs it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, cut them off. Maybe when your teen brother is an adult you can be friends with him if he doesn't turn out like your parents. These people have nothing to offer you but more pain. Find friends that can become your family.

Honestly, straight white people will not get what you are going through because most of them have never been marginalized. You can tell by the responses you are getting here.

Build a diverse group of friends and therapy, therapy therapy!

Ummm excuse me? I'm 19:29 above who said to move on from her family of origin because she shouldn't stay in a situation where she's disrespected. And that she can choose her family. So I basically said the same thing as you. I'm also straight and white. So that was a pretty rude thing to say. If you find yourself being regularly disrespected then maybe you should consider how much you've been disrespecting other people too, rather than rushing to blame others for being racist or whatever.

FWIW I've also moved on from my family of origin.

Stop centering yourself in this. The marker of a straight, white woman. It is not rude to tell you that. Straight white women hurt feelings are SO difficult to deal with. Moving from your family of origin does not make you a member of a marginalized population. You will never understand it. You are very lucky.

Many, many Americans ARE racist, by the way.

NP here: agree with PP - your hate speech is rude. Like many people who spew hate speech, you don't recognize that your comments are illogical, and you're not capable of understanding how to stop centering yourself in someone else's experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "stereotypical Trump supporters". That's bigotry and immaturity on your part right there.

No it’s not. The sad little base that still supports Trump is racist and bigoted. That’s all that’s left... and data backs it up.

I can't wait to see this study!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, cut them off. Maybe when your teen brother is an adult you can be friends with him if he doesn't turn out like your parents. These people have nothing to offer you but more pain. Find friends that can become your family.

Honestly, straight white people will not get what you are going through because most of them have never been marginalized. You can tell by the responses you are getting here.

Build a diverse group of friends and therapy, therapy therapy!

Ummm excuse me? I'm 19:29 above who said to move on from her family of origin because she shouldn't stay in a situation where she's disrespected. And that she can choose her family. So I basically said the same thing as you. I'm also straight and white. So that was a pretty rude thing to say. If you find yourself being regularly disrespected then maybe you should consider how much you've been disrespecting other people too, rather than rushing to blame others for being racist or whatever.

FWIW I've also moved on from my family of origin.

Stop centering yourself in this. The marker of a straight, white woman. It is not rude to tell you that. Straight white women hurt feelings are SO difficult to deal with. Moving from your family of origin does not make you a member of a marginalized population. You will never understand it. You are very lucky.

Many, many Americans ARE racist, by the way.

NP here: agree with PP - your hate speech is rude. Like many people who spew hate speech, you don't recognize that your comments are illogical, and you're not capable of understanding how to stop centering yourself in someone else's experiences.

Saying that a straight, white person in America will not understand the experience of a marginalized person is NOT hate speech. FULL STOP.

It is the TRUTH. A straight, white person in America can sympathize with a marginalized person, can be liberal, a social justice warrior etc but they cannot know how it feels to be marginalized in that way.

The fact that some of you are jumping on this truth and calling it hate speech is absolutely absurd and still proves my point that you are just centering yourselves in something that is not about you.

[Anonymous]

OP, first and foremost, I am sorry for your experiences and dont want to diminish them. What you felt and feel towards your family can only be changed (amy be at that) through acceptance, therapy and time. You cant change who they are, but you can change how you react to them and amount of contact you have.
On another note, it seems like there is quite large age difference between you and brother. Could it be that now your parents have more resources/time/self awareness to treat him like any adolescent deserves to be treated? Sometimes people are just not ready to be parents when they are... If your brother is a good person, at least try having relationship with him may be separately from your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "stereotypical Trump supporters". That's bigotry and immaturity on your part right there.

No it’s not. The sad little base that still supports Trump is racist and bigoted. That’s all that’s left... and data backs it up.

I can't wait to see this study!

I don't know what rock you've been living under to miss them all. Because there are many.

[Anonymous]

I see no reason why you should subject yourself to this treatment if you do not like it. I'm bi, my family is UPC ( United Pentecostal Church), I am considered to be the "black sheep", as they say, my little brother (20 years younger) is a UPC minister, and he and I have always had a mutual respect for each other because I'm old enough? to be his mother, for one thing. You sound a bit jealous, in my opinion. I cut my family off for a long time once, and it changed their opinion about how they treated me, because they didn't want to lose me forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They believe homosexual activity is a sin and living in sin day in and day out will send you to hell for eternity. They are probably heartbroken about it. By accepting and supporting your lifestyle they would be basically shoving you into hell. If they believe the bible then they are showing you love by trying to save you from hell.

oh jesus

[Anonymous]

OP, do you get anything positive out of this relationship? If not, You really don’t need to put up with this and it’s totally okay to “divorce” your family. If you do get something positive out of it, just focus on what you get that is positive, and don’t expect the rest to change. If they are being homophobic, excuse yourself. But don’t stay in the relationship because you’re hoping for something that has never been there.

If you do decide to ghost your parents, you should talk to your brother first and let him know that you can’t spend time around your parents because of (however you want to explain it) but that you still love him and are thee for him if he needs it. He may seem like he’s living the Dream, but you don’t really know what’s going on with him. He could be miserable on the inside and may really need a big sister at some point.

[Anonymous]

Happiness is the best revenge. Jealousy is unbecoming. Your parents aren't going to change. They sound awful, actually. Toxic. I don't think that cutting them off would be out of line here. Honestly, what are you getting from the relationship? Heartache and sorrow? You don't need that. Your coddled brother will end up a failure, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They believe homosexual activity is a sin and living in sin day in and day out will send you to hell for eternity. They are probably heartbroken about it. By accepting and supporting your lifestyle they would be basically shoving you into hell. If they believe the bible then they are showing you love by trying to save you from hell.

oh jesus

Jesus loved everyone. No questions.