How well do you need to know a family to let your 12 yr old DD sleepover?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the stories that of pedophiles I’ve heard, there is no amount of knowing them that will make a difference. People are always fooled by them. Like the prominent man of Falls a church City that molested his daughter’s friends at sleepovers. I believe his wife was a former mayor of the city.

OP, you can never be certain. Teach your daughter how to speak up and let her have fun with her friends. Or keep her home if that feels better for you. Know that she will miss out on lots of good times and memories with friends, though.

Yep, wife was former mayor and he was head of Falls Church democrats.

I posted before, but will also mention a good friend of mine lost her virginity consensually (but both were underage so may not be legal) on a sleepover at age 15 with the brother of her friend. Is the brother a predator? No. Could he be considered a predator by today's standards? Absolutely. We live in a messy world. People seem to think if you arm your daughter to just say "no" everything is totally fine. What if she consents? Heck, what if she doesn't? Good luck proving this stuff. It's still traumatic when someone tries and you say no. These are kids. I don't think I gained anything going to slumber parties as a kid. P)laying with other kids is beneficial. Slumber parties are just full of doing stupid things and feeling so sick the next day from the food and the lack of sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our rule is that I have met the parents. Both my daughters had many sleepovers over the last 12 years and we have never had an issue.

That you are aware of....

[Anonymous]

We don’t do them. No reason to.
For the life of me, I can’t really understand why parents of then 80s let us loose in the basements to watch Freddy Krueger and get touched by our friends’ brothers (in our strawberry shortcake sleeping bag). While pretend strip dancing to Like a Virgin. This is not an experience that nets positive to my DD’s lives.

[Anonymous]

You NEVER will know the family well enough to know that nothing will happen with your daughter. Don't do sleepovers period.

[Anonymous]

When my DD has sleepovers, my DS (2 years older) makes plans to sleep ay a friends house, because no way does he want to be around a bunch of loud girls watching girl movies, which usually involve singing (or they just burst into songs at random times). Sam for her when he has friends over - she makes plans to stay at a friend's house...

Putting your kids in a bubble, teaching them they are never safe, can't stand up for themselves, never fail or learn from their mistakes, yeah, that will work out well for them. Are you the same parents who scream at teachers for giving your child a bad grade? And challenge college professors who do the same? Call places looking to find SSL or i ternships for theor teens? Show up with your child at job interviews?

Teens are capable and resourcefil. They need to learn grit/resiliency, how to deal with/handle uncomfortable situations. If the first time it happenes they are away from home (college?), they will fall apart. Or, when they get out from under your thumb, they will rebel against your over-bearing, ridiculously strict ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my DD has sleepovers, my DS (2 years older) makes plans to sleep ay a friends house, because no way does he want to be around a bunch of loud girls watching girl movies, which usually involve singing (or they just burst into songs at random times). Sam for her when he has friends over - she makes plans to stay at a friend's house...

Putting your kids in a bubble, teaching them they are never safe, can't stand up for themselves, never fail or learn from their mistakes, yeah, that will work out well for them. Are you the same parents who scream at teachers for giving your child a bad grade? And challenge college professors who do the same? Call places looking to find SSL or i ternships for theor teens? Show up with your child at job interviews?

Teens are capable and resourcefil. They need to learn grit/resiliency, how to deal with/handle uncomfortable situations. If the first time it happenes they are away from home (college?), they will fall apart. Or, when they get out from under your thumb, they will rebel against your over-bearing, ridiculously strict ways.

OP is worried that her 12 year old daughter will get raped or molested by a father and teenage son she doesn't know in the middle of the night in a strange house. That is not putting her kid is a bubble.

[Anonymous]

OP has a better chance of the other family's house being hit by lightning or being carried away by a flood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly are you worried about?

I guess DD dating her bff brother>?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t do them. No reason to.
For the life of me, I can’t really understand why parents of then 80s let us loose in the basements to watch Freddy Krueger and get touched by our friends’ brothers (in our strawberry shortcake sleeping bag). While pretend strip dancing to Like a Virgin. This is not an experience that nets positive to my DD’s lives.

That was never the experience I had in the 80's having sleepovers and isn't the experience my kids have now.
I grew up in the 80's with an older brother and a Strawberry Shortcake sleeping bag. We watched Dirty Dancing or Stand By Me or Chorus Line or Annie. My older brother was elsewhere in the house if he was home. He did not want to sit around watching us dance to Madonna and Cyndi Lauper songs.

When my daughters have sleepovers the only time my son is around the girls is when they're eating in the kitchen. He's not hanging out in the den watching High School Musical or Mean Girls with the girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t do them. No reason to.
For the life of me, I can’t really understand why parents of then 80s let us loose in the basements to watch Freddy Krueger and get touched by our friends’ brothers (in our strawberry shortcake sleeping bag). While pretend strip dancing to Like a Virgin. This is not an experience that nets positive to my DD’s lives.

That was never the experience I had in the 80's having sleepovers and isn't the experience my kids have now.
I grew up in the 80's with an older brother and a Strawberry Shortcake sleeping bag. We watched Dirty Dancing or Stand By Me or Chorus Line or Annie. My older brother was elsewhere in the house if he was home. He did not want to sit around watching us dance to Madonna and Cyndi Lauper songs.

When my daughters have sleepovers the only time my son is around the girls is when they're eating in the kitchen. He's not hanging out in the den watching High School Musical or Mean Girls with the girls.

I’m so glad you had a better experience than I and my friends did. Possibly you can understand why some of us are reluctant to take the chance with our children. Call me a helicopter if you want, it’s a matter of reasonable safety to me, just like wearing a seatbelt while riding in a car.
Lots of parents don’t pay attention. There are parents who don’t separate the teen boys and girls for sleepovers. Your house is clearly safe. Others may not be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't let my daughter spend the night at ANY house with males. So this means she'll never spend the night out. Too many men are predators. I grew up in a wealthy area and my friend's dad was outed as a pedaphile many years later. This was one of the families I was allowed to spend the night at.

You are ridiculous.

In addition to have poor spelling and grammar skills, you are teaching your daughter that there is something inherently wrong with all men. Good job, whacko.

I disagree with this. I tend to prefer to be the one who takes DD and friends for play dates. I think men are more likely to be falsely accused of inappropriate behavior than women. I have no issues with DH's integrity, otherwise he wouldn't be around our DD either. I also don't make a big deal about it to DD--I just oversee the play date without mentioning that's why I'm doing it. I can see why someone else would be cautious.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't let her.

[Anonymous]

Trust your gut on this one, OP. No one on an anonymous message board is going to help you and your family out if something happens. There is no proof that sleepovers specifically are beneficial to child / teen development.

This thread is problematic. Some PPs' posts seem to blame the victim. Even if you teach your child to speak up and defend themselves, if something happens, is it their fault? Another PP seems to think if you wrongly think someone is a child molester then they will become one because "everyone thinks that about me anyway"?! No, that's not how sexual assault and predators work. You are getting bad advice on this thread for some reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I a a father. My DD has sleepovers and sleeps over many times. The only time I refuse is when 1) there is illness, or 2) no DD can not have a friend sleep over if DW is away. That is jut common sense. I know I am trustworthy. But, it does not take much for people to question things.

This rings alarms for some reason....

NP - Why does it ring alarms for you? Sounds reasonable and normal to me.

I think this is a good policy for the PP to have. When we have female babysitters who need a ride home, I am always the one who takes them home, not DH. It's best to take precautions for everyone's safety.

[Anonymous]

My brother would talk about his Friend's Dad stroking their hair or sitting near them inappropriately. I remember them all joking about what a weirdo this friend's Dad was. Now I feel sorry for the son and wonder how worse it must have been for him. The boys all drifted away from the friend by mid high school.