Things About your significant other that would’ve been a dealbreaker if you had known

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That he would gain over 50 pounds and stop having any interest in sex.

Ha. Mine is that he would gain over 50 pounds and still expect me to be interested in sex.

[Anonymous]

That I would be the only source of income after two years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That he would gain over 50 pounds and stop having any interest in sex.

You didn’t see this coming? What does your dad look like? Do you look st the average guy running around the USA and think - yeah, I’d hit that! Or do you avert your eyes and throw up a little in your mouth?

NP, but mine gained 70lbs over 4 years. His dad and brother are both still very fit and go to the gym together 3-4 times a week. DH was even in the military when the gaining began. So, no, not everyone has any reason to believe the person they married will become a different person years down the road.

[Anonymous]

Her complete and totally our of control spending addiction and that boots, sweaters and face creams are exponentially more important than paying for our kid's daycare, for which said money was specifically fenced off for.

Every single lie is the exact same excuse: that's not new, I've had that or I got that last year. To the guy that does easily 50-60% of the laundry and knows what's not old.

[Anonymous]

That he had ADHD. The family knew his brother and mother had serious learning issues, but neither had been tested at the time we got married. This was 20+ years ago, before testing was widespread. Turns out all three siblings have it. I spent 10 years wondering why I had to do all the logistics, finances, and housecleaning for the family.

I also wish I had known he was so threatened by other peoples’ success and would actively undermine our kids.(”You don’t have to study to get that D up, your mom is just OCD.” And then “I won’t help pay for the Ivy DC got into because I don’t believe in Ivies but $55k for public out-of-state is fine.”)

[Anonymous]

That he is so terrible with money. I had hints of it before the marriage: I came into a windfall of $15k and he wanted me to use all of it to buy “us” a new car (he already had a car) instead of saving some of it. Fast forward to 20 years of me saying “no” to truly horrible financial ideas, like selling our house and moving around the DMV every 2 years.

[Anonymous]

My wife gained 40 pounds, weighs more than I do, and has zero interest in sex.

I’m in better shape now than when I played 2 sports in college. Sucks that I have to chase my overweight wife for sex, meanwhile a lot of hot ladies are flirting hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife gained 40 pounds, weighs more than I do, and has zero interest in sex.

I’m in better shape now than when I played 2 sports in college. Sucks that I have to chase my overweight wife for sex, meanwhile a lot of hot ladies are flirting hard.

So do you think about divorcing her?

[Anonymous]

That he would end up deferring everything to me- paying the bills, raising the kids, planning vacations, taxes, housework, repairs, cooking, cleaning, etc (and yes I work full time) and would then comment how he felt like he wasn’t needed and I never had any time or energy for him.

That he would become so selfish in bed, let’s just say that he was very satisfied but he didn’t seem to be bothered with me. And he’d want a back massage literally after every time we were intimate.

Yes, I ended up divorcing him. One less person to take care of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife gained 40 pounds, weighs more than I do, and has zero interest in sex.

I’m in better shape now than when I played 2 sports in college. Sucks that I have to chase my overweight wife for sex, meanwhile a lot of hot ladies are flirting hard.

So do you think about divorcing her?

Not until the kids launch. But I am thinking about giving up sex with her (doubt she’d even notice!!) and focusing on this hot married woman who is clearly receptive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. No one's perfect, but my husband is pretty wonderful. I imagine he might have one or two things about me, though.

Same. He's better than I thought I was signing up for.

Okay then this thread isn’t for you two.

+1 it's like someone asking for advice on how to deal with weeds and someone responding, I don't have weeds. Thanks for coming out.

[Anonymous]

That our great pre-marital sex was just an act. Oscar worthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How deeply his childhood affected his entire being. I knew he had a rough childhood with divorced parents. And a dad who drank a lot (but not uncommon for his profession in the NE, so overlooked) and a mom who was nice, but eccentric. The extent of the abuse, however, did not come out for years.

It's one thing to date someone with "mommy/daddy" issues. It's another to have your parent beat you, another expose you to sex and drugs, one be an alcoholic, etc. And not talk about it because it became your normal (and also probably shame.)

And enlisting in the army and getting caught in the cluster-f of post 9/11, Bush-era war didn't help things either.

+1 except for the last paragraph. The depression that stems my DH's childhood abuse is more of an issue than I thought it would be, even though he told me about it before we got engaged. He's asleep right now (and has been for hours) because of this latest bout of depression. It's a problem, and therapy and meds are only helping so much.

[Anonymous]

I didn't realize the extent of the dysfunction and mental illness in my husband's family. No idea how horrible his mom was during his childhood and how fake-nice his dad was while actually being a selfish angry man. All has had a seriously negative impact on my husband and it is not great for our marriage.

Also that when under any real degree of stress, my husband is an intolerable asshole to his family.

[Anonymous]

He was a skilled liar, and lied about everything. And he had everything you can imagine to hide.