Things About your significant other that would’ve been a dealbreaker if you had known

[Anonymous]

My fiance was super miserly and I just accepted it as one of his quirks. Till he yelled at his mother and me because we picked too expensive cuts of meat to serve at his birthday dinner. Literally, at the table, he started screaming at us and how we wasted so much money on beef and that we are both irresponsible. I took my ring off, sat it on the table, said "you will not speak to me that way". Then I got up and walked out, never looked back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That he would gain over 50 pounds and stop having any interest in sex.

You didn’t see this coming? What does your dad look like? Do you look st the average guy running around the USA and think - yeah, I’d hit that! Or do you avert your eyes and throw up a little in your mouth?

[Anonymous]

That he would offer zero help once we had a kid. Never anticipated that based on prior conversations. That he would become paranoid about stupid things that negatively impact his quality of life (not mine. I don’t buy into it). That he was sooooo bad with money and had zero grasp on how to function sometimes. Basic stuff like arguing with an ins company or completing benefits selections.

[Anonymous]

That he has a bad temper and says really nasty things when angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiance was super miserly and I just accepted it as one of his quirks. Till he yelled at his mother and me because we picked too expensive cuts of meat to serve at his birthday dinner. Literally, at the table, he started screaming at us and how we wasted so much money on beef and that we are both irresponsible. I took my ring off, sat it on the table, said "you will not speak to me that way". Then I got up and walked out, never looked back.

Good for you for walking out! You dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That he would gain over 50 pounds and stop having any interest in sex.

You didn’t see this coming? What does your dad look like? Do you look st the average guy running around the USA and think - yeah, I’d hit that! Or do you avert your eyes and throw up a little in your mouth?

I am a male in my late 50s. I weigh about 10 pounds more than I did in my mid 20s.

Bike commuting, FTW.

[Anonymous]

Her low sex drive and high degree of vanilla.

[Anonymous]

That he would grow to dislike my hometown and have disdain for my family, which he won't explain to me when pressed. (His mom told me he doesn't like my hometown because he "gets a vibe" that there are predators there, but made me swear I wouldn't tell him what she told me...WTF?!)

That he would be slow to take a "hands-on" role in his child's life.

That his chronic health issue would become the big elephant in the room, since he's so sensitive when I try to talk about it.

That he would stop having any interest in sex with me. And no, I didn't "let myself go." I weigh the same and wear the same clothes as I did when we were dating.

[Anonymous]

How deeply his childhood affected his entire being. I knew he had a rough childhood with divorced parents. And a dad who drank a lot (but not uncommon for his profession in the NE, so overlooked) and a mom who was nice, but eccentric. The extent of the abuse, however, did not come out for years.

It's one thing to date someone with "mommy/daddy" issues. It's another to have your parent beat you, another expose you to sex and drugs, one be an alcoholic, etc. And not talk about it because it became your normal (and also probably shame.)

And enlisting in the army and getting caught in the cluster-f of post 9/11, Bush-era war didn't help things either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That he would gain over 50 pounds and stop having any interest in sex.

You didn’t see this coming? What does your dad look like? Do you look st the average guy running around the USA and think - yeah, I’d hit that! Or do you avert your eyes and throw up a little in your mouth?

I am a male in my late 50s. I weigh about 10 pounds more than I did in my mid 20s.

Bike commuting, FTW.

NP here. My dad, in his 80s, can fit into his service uniform. BooYA! An my mom has overshared about how hot he was when he was young. So, yeah, I expect men can do it. Good on you, PP!

[Anonymous]

That such a supportive, liberal, sensitive, caring guy would want me to abort our child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. No one's perfect, but my husband is pretty wonderful. I imagine he might have one or two things about me, though.

Same. He's better than I thought I was signing up for.

Agree - he's surpassed all my expectations which were pretty high. I hope he feels the same way about me but since we've been married over 30 years I haven't been a bust!

[Anonymous]

First of all, there are definitely some things I've learned that I was not expecting and that have been a pain in the a$$ to deal with...but none of them are deal breakers. I still remain extremely glad I married him, on balance we have a great and generally happy marriage, and I know no one is perfect - everyone has their issues, and his good far outweigh the bad. Hope he'd say the same about me!

That said: I didn't realize how deep-rooted his tendency to shut down and say anything to avoid conflict is...it's quite difficult trying to get him to talk things out. Easygoing is good; reluctance to communicate (and being utterly unreceptive to any type of constructive critical discussion) makes for a difficult life partner / coparent situation...he tries and I try, but it comes up again and again.

[Anonymous]

Lack of effort in bed.

[Anonymous]

The sex is really bad but we waited until after marriage. He sucks at giving massages too. I get a lot of paid massages but it's not the same. He also has a really bad temper sometimes. I wish I could go back and tell my 26 year old self that being compatible sexually is important. I was so native and stupid.