Is it weird that I don’t want to change my last name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those women that did not change their names, what do you end up using for your kids' last name?

Kids have dad’s last name and middles names I chose from my family.

SAME WITH ME!!

I've been married almost 12 years and I still have no plans on changing my name. I came from a multiple divorces household and I LIKE my maiden name since it's MY name so it's staying.

[Anonymous]

I've been married almost 20 years and still struggle with the name thing. I did change it, but kind of wished I hadn't. It's such a strange custom.

[Anonymous]

I kept my name. If we ever have kids, they are getting my name. As soon as it's possible for DH to carry a pregnancy and push a baby out, then that kid can get his name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change mine for practical reasons; all my degrees have my original name on them, I don't want to bother with SS#, passport, and other documents, etc.

This. Getting married and divorced is enough paperwork. Changing your name would make it double the paperwork.

[Anonymous]

I took DH's name. Most of my friends took their husband's name. We are all educated, upper middle class women. Most of my friends from college (Ivy league if you must know) took their husband's name as well. I actually read not long ago that the rising generation of young women are more likely to take the husband's name compared to my particular generation (I am 37). I don't know how true it is. I personally have no strong feelings on the subject because a last name is just a last name, and my maiden name was my father's name, not my mother's, so I wasn't fussed about making a point.

But, and I reiterate this, but, no one really cares. Just do what you want to do. If you are judged then that says much about the person judging you, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took DH's name. Most of my friends took their husband's name. We are all educated, upper middle class women. Most of my friends from college (Ivy league if you must know) took their husband's name as well. I actually read not long ago that the rising generation of young women are more likely to take the husband's name compared to my particular generation (I am 37). I don't know how true it is. I personally have no strong feelings on the subject because a last name is just a last name, and my maiden name was my father's name, not my mother's, so I wasn't fussed about making a point.

But, and I reiterate this, but, no one really cares. Just do what you want to do. If you are judged then that says much about the person judging you, not you.

It always amazes me when people say "well my last name was my father's name" as if that means something, or makes your name less meaningful. However you got it, your last name was YOUR name. The one you used throughout your whole childhood and through to early/mid adulthood (depending on how old you were when you got married).

If you wanted to change your name because you didn't like it, or your father deeply hurt you and you wanted to cut all symbolic ties with your father for some reason, then just say that. But don't act like your name wasn't that important because it happened to be the name your father has/had. That just sounds ridiculous.

And actually, despite "not wanting to make a point", you did make a point. You were the one who actually took action and changed your own name from what it always was to your husband's name. That says a lot more about you than you seem to think. I think it's the women who keep their own name after getting married who aren't making a point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept my name. If we ever have kids, they are getting my name. As soon as it's possible for DH to carry a pregnancy and push a baby out, then that kid can get his name.

Bless your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those women that did not change their names, what do you end up using for your kids' last name?

My kids have my husband’s last name. Many of my friends didn’t change their names and all the kids from these marriages have taken the husband’s name, which is definitely interesting.

why?

Because why is it a given that the kids will get the father’s last name? Women who keep their last name are clearly bucking tradition so why do very few of these women take it the logical step further and at least have a conversation about what last name the kids should have.

I kept my last name and gave my kids my husband's name. We did have that conversation and decided upon his name because it's extremely rare and mine is rather common. Also, I didn't keep my name to buck the patriarchy. I just thought it was so weird to wake up one day and start using an entirely different name. I couldn't pull the trigger on that. My friends are split about 50/50 and when it came down to it, most made the decision based on very practical or personal reasons, not ideological.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really old fashioned to change your name. Not surprising you don’t want to.

82% change their name legally, many keep their maiden name professionally. Please don't hyphen your name - the ultimate dumb compromise.

Tons of my friends did this. But I agree with you.

[Anonymous]

What does your partner say? I did change mine but wish that I had not. My husband did not need me to do it, but I felt some sense of duty to do so. We'll call it a rookie mistake, thinking my identity would need to change when I got married. It's too late for me to undo it, but I would not do it again. And yes, we have a good marriage, 13 years, one child, and my husband agrees it was unnecessary. In some ways, I think he would respect me even more if I had kept my own.

[Anonymous]

It's 2017. You should be able to do what you want no matter how whimsical. Don't change your name if you don't want to, change your sex if you want to, drive a car in Saudi Arabia - the world is your oyster! But, in this case, its not an oyster because you have a seafood allergy, epi-pens are expensive and butterfly catching doesn't pay what it used to. But, you've built a brand with your good name, which you won't be changin' for no man and that brand is going to take you places!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I took DH's name. Most of my friends took their husband's name. We are all educated, upper middle class women. Most of my friends from college (Ivy league if you must know) took their husband's name as well. I actually read not long ago that the rising generation of young women are more likely to take the husband's name compared to my particular generation (I am 37). I don't know how true it is. I personally have no strong feelings on the subject because a last name is just a last name, and my maiden name was my father's name, not my mother's, so I wasn't fussed about making a point.

But, and I reiterate this, but, no one really cares. Just do what you want to do. If you are judged then that says much about the person judging you, not you.

It always amazes me when people say "well my last name was my father's name" as if that means something, or makes your name less meaningful. However you got it, your last name was YOUR name. The one you used throughout your whole childhood and through to early/mid adulthood (depending on how old you were when you got married).

If you wanted to change your name because you didn't like it, or your father deeply hurt you and you wanted to cut all symbolic ties with your father for some reason, then just say that. But don't act like your name wasn't that important because it happened to be the name your father has/had. That just sounds ridiculous.

And actually, despite "not wanting to make a point", you did make a point. You were the one who actually took action and changed your own name from what it always was to your husband's name. That says a lot more about you than you seem to think. I think it's the women who keep their own name after getting married who aren't making a point.

I'm well aware of all the not so subtle implications you made in your post. You should reread my last sentence. No one cares. Just do what makes you happy. If an instinct says no, then don't change. If an instinct says change, then change. I suspect for most women they are not bothered because they aren't making a point either way and are happy to go with convention out of history and tradition and a notion that it's nice for the entire family to share the same last name. And a name is just a name. Most people are not ideological.

[Anonymous]

No. End of story.

[Anonymous]

I was a fully-fledged person before I got married, and my name was part of my identity. I saw no need to change it and my husband was 10000% ok with that. It was a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those women that did not change their names, what do you end up using for your kids' last name?

Ours have my husband’s last name. I don’t care about “perpetuating my family line.” More importantly, my husband is from another country and our kids are mixed; they have first names from his ethnicity and it made sense to me to keep the names similar. We live here and they are immersed in US culture, so that was one way of helping them be connected to their father’s culture.