staying in marriage with mentally ill partner

[Anonymous]

My ex-husband had undiagnosed mental illness and the best thing I did was leave. He blamed me for all of his cheating and his mental problems. I was the cause of everything and it hurt like hell, since in reality I was actually the families savior. Removing myself allowed him to see that he was and is the train wreck. His lights and water are cut off on a routine basis, while I have thrived since leaving. No person is worth your sanity. My biggest regret is not leaving sooner.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you need to let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do all the people on here live in Woodbridge or someplace remote from the achivers in DC? I feel like I reading “Tales from the Trailer Park” Who ARE these people? I dont know anyone who functions at these low Levels.

Huh? Mental illness does not discriminate. Higher income people can just afford to compensate better (up to a point). You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all the people on here live in Woodbridge or someplace remote from the achivers in DC? I feel like I reading “Tales from the Trailer Park” Who ARE these people? I dont know anyone who functions at these low Levels.

Huh? Mental illness does not discriminate. Higher income people can just afford to compensate better (up to a point). You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.

BS- I dont know anyone in NWDC who goes theough jobs like the women on here are saying. Nor do I know women who marry such losers- guys who were obvious losers BEFORE mental illness manifested itself. These are tales from the trailer parks of gainesville, manasshole, woodbridge, etc. Poor whites.

[Anonymous]

Im sure there is some jobless white dude in NW emcouraging his son to become a loser like he is. This is all Poor White Trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all the people on here live in Woodbridge or someplace remote from the achivers in DC? I feel like I reading “Tales from the Trailer Park” Who ARE these people? I dont know anyone who functions at these low Levels.

Huh? Mental illness does not discriminate. Higher income people can just afford to compensate better (up to a point). You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.

BS- I dont know anyone in NWDC who goes theough jobs like the women on here are saying. Nor do I know women who marry such losers- guys who were obvious losers BEFORE mental illness manifested itself. These are tales from the trailer parks of gainesville, manasshole, woodbridge, etc. Poor whites.

I think you need some therapy, yourself. Unmanaged anger issues.

[Anonymous]

"I'm not super hopeful about this, but I figure it is an avenue that should be explored, as there are children involved. I just don't know what it would "look" like if successful."

Make a list of what it would need to look like for you to stay. Share this with your partner. If he doesn't have the same goals, there isn't a chance to make it work.

If your spouse feels like it could be doable, work on it and pick a timeline for it to be a success. If you haven't met your goals, move on.

[Anonymous]

Is the sex good?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all the people on here live in Woodbridge or someplace remote from the achivers in DC? I feel like I reading “Tales from the Trailer Park” Who ARE these people? I dont know anyone who functions at these low Levels.

Huh? Mental illness does not discriminate. Higher income people can just afford to compensate better (up to a point). You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.

BS- I dont know anyone in NWDC who goes theough jobs like the women on here are saying.

Meet your NWDC neighbors on disability because of mental illness. (Or actually, don't--you sound unpleasant.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I have been living this for years and have decided to stay, because he is not violent physically and therefore will get partial custody, and then he will traumatize the kids during his custody time. Plus we do not make enough to make splitting households financially comfortable.

If we all live together, I can correct some of the behaviors that he lets me correct, rescue the kids from his occasional rages, irrational viewpoints and constant tardiness and stress, as well as make important educational, medical and social decisions that he would be unable to make.

My husband officially has ADHD that he refuses to treat. It explains his inability to get organized or manage his time, and perhaps his bad moods, but I'm not sure it explains his occasional flat-out crazy episodes (like getting out of the car and refusing to come back inside in the middle of a hot desert-like national park unless he got his way) or his remarkable lack of empathy towards others, even young children, even his own kids (he was empathetic enough when we dated, and then it all evaporated). I suspect he may be on the autism spectrum, but it would be hard to diagnose and there is no magic pill like for ADHD.

Examples of his most egregious behavior:

- Refusing to walk to the pharmacy to get heartbeat-regulating meds for me when I had a health crisis. He was upset because I had apparently dissed him that morning, and thought that endangering my health was fair game in a fight. I was rushed to the ER that night. Kicker: he's a doctor!

- He is regularly let go of his job positions, because he's not productive (untreated ADHD) and doesn't get a lot of non-verbal cues and subtle messaging. We depend on his job for health insurance, but he procrastinated so badly that he missed the deadline to sign us up for health insurance. We have spent months without it, and have therefore spent thousands on critical meds that I need to take daily.

I can live without little attentions. I can be the sole manager and scheduler for the family, even though it's hard, because predictably my son also has ADHD, which I fought to have diagnosed and treated. But it's really hard to live with someone who after losing so many jobs and messing up so badly, can look me in the eye and tell me he doesn't need to take his ADHD meds. And that he feels abused by me (the opposite is true), that I'm too controlling, that we're fine, the kids are fine, I worry too much, etc... He's not even lying, he really believes it. He is tolerant of a level of risk that most people couldn't live with.

Maybe he has some level of disassociation with reality. I don't know what the medical term would be. His father was bipolar, his nephew has been diagnosed with Asperger's and suicidal depression - mental illness runs in the family. Had I known all this, I would not have married him. But now it's best I stay to protect the kids.

Yikes. I am sorry....sounds like you are waiting for the kids to go to college. Maybe boarding school is the answer? You could move up close to them.q

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all the people on here live in Woodbridge or someplace remote from the achivers in DC? I feel like I reading “Tales from the Trailer Park” Who ARE these people? I dont know anyone who functions at these low Levels.

Huh? Mental illness does not discriminate. Higher income people can just afford to compensate better (up to a point). You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.

BS- I dont know anyone in NWDC who goes theough jobs like the women on here are saying. Nor do I know women who marry such losers- guys who were obvious losers BEFORE mental illness manifested itself. These are tales from the trailer parks of gainesville, manasshole, woodbridge, etc. Poor whites.

You sound stupid. The irony.

[Anonymous]

You do realize what a complete asshole you would sound like if you substituted any other illness in here, right?
Like, staying in marriage when spouse has cancer.
It’s an illness.
Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do all the people on here live in Woodbridge or someplace remote from the achivers in DC? I feel like I reading “Tales from the Trailer Park” Who ARE these people? I dont know anyone who functions at these low Levels.

Huh? Mental illness does not discriminate. Higher income people can just afford to compensate better (up to a point). You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.

BS- I dont know anyone in NWDC who goes theough jobs like the women on here are saying. Nor do I know women who marry such losers- guys who were obvious losers BEFORE mental illness manifested itself. These are tales from the trailer parks of gainesville, manasshole, woodbridge, etc. Poor whites.

Then you're extremely naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do realize what a complete asshole you would sound like if you substituted any other illness in here, right?
Like, staying in marriage when spouse has cancer.
It’s an illness.
Grow up.

Cancer isn’t comparable to untreated mental illness. Verbal and emotional abuse is never acceptable - period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do realize what a complete asshole you would sound like if you substituted any other illness in here, right?
Like, staying in marriage when spouse has cancer.
It’s an illness.
Grow up.

Nobody is required to tolerate abuse. This goes for any kind of illness, including mental.