When is teen violence ok?

[Anonymous]

This kind of thing happened in my son's middle school 10 years ago. I am not sure exactly what the boy was doing, but it had happened more than once. Girl turns around in the hallway and punches boy in the face. There were others around who witnessed the punch. Girl got suspended because of 0 tolerance regarding fighting in the school. This young lady was in my son's English class and when she returned from the suspension, the teacher (a male) welcomed her back and gave her a round of applause. You go girl!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like self-defense against sexual assault to me and I’d take it to the principal as the first step in protecting your daughter from him in the future.

Sounds like the kid knew he overstepped and is protecting her, and him from what would happen if he told the truth. Give him this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know his parents? If it really is a bad misunderstanding between kids who were otherwise friends, then they would both be helped by clearing the air in a safe way.

Sounds like they solved it. He lied in a way that kept her out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
REPORT to the principal now, and for all future incidents report immediately.

No. Do not. Zero tolerance I say a disaster.

My kid got punched once. He understood that the punch was just frustration and if he said anything all the boys involved at the scene would be in trouble and the perp likely to be suspended. My kid wisely realized that nothing good would come of opening himself mouth. P?S. He got an apology within 48 hours, unasked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
REPORT to the principal now, and for all future incidents report immediately.

No. Do not. Zero tolerance I say a disaster.

My kid got punched once. He understood that the punch was just frustration and if he said anything all the boys involved at the scene would be in trouble and the perp likely to be suspended. My kid wisely realized that nothing good would come of opening himself mouth. P?S. He got an apology within 48 hours, unasked.

This isn’t about zero tolerance. This is about a teenager learning that it’s not okay to hold a girl against a wall. Why take the chance that he might not learn this behavior is unacceptable? Why take the chance that he’ll know not to do it again in the future? Maybe he’s done this before and there’s a pattern of behavior?
It needs to be reported.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
REPORT to the principal now, and for all future incidents report immediately.

No. Do not. Zero tolerance I say a disaster.

My kid got punched once. He understood that the punch was just frustration and if he said anything all the boys involved at the scene would be in trouble and the perp likely to be suspended. My kid wisely realized that nothing good would come of opening himself mouth. P?S. He got an apology within 48 hours, unasked.

This isn’t about zero tolerance. This is about a teenager learning that it’s not okay to hold a girl against a wall. Why take the chance that he might not learn this behavior is unacceptable? Why take the chance that he’ll know not to do it again in the future? Maybe he’s done this before and there’s a pattern of behavior?
It needs to be reported.

1. He learned it. His nose broke.

2. Telling the principal will make this girl's own life harder at school. That was the calculus my son understood. She doesn't have to do that to herself if she doesn't want to.

3. You put more faith than I in the school adults to solve anything. That's why zero tolerance doesn't work. None of the adults are held accountable for finding the source of the trouble.

She solved it. Her way, at little cost to her own record. Good for her.

[Anonymous]

Good for your daughter! I want to take her out for a Starbucks cake pop!

[Anonymous]

You share this story with the school, and your daughter is likely to be suspended. She could have shoved him away, not broken his nose. And it becomes he said, she said.

[Anonymous]

Wow, in come the MRA to silence the women again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, in come the MRA to silence the women again.

MRA?

Again, she shouldn't have broken his nose. You shove the person away and scream at them. That way you get attention and witnesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, in come the MRA to silence the women again.

MRA?

Again, she shouldn't have broken his nose. You shove the person away and scream at them. That way you get attention and witnesses.

Completely disagree. Have you ever been attacked? It’s hard to know precisely how much damage you’re going to do when you fight back. It’s not like the kid died or will have debilitating injuries. If he doesn’t want to get hurt, he ought not attack other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, in come the MRA to silence the women again.

MRA?

Again, she shouldn't have broken his nose. You shove the person away and scream at them. That way you get attention and witnesses.

Also, I would never rely on “attention and witnesses”. Let’s be honest- even reporting this to police wouldn’t help. If a guy attacks me or my daughter, we will definitely take full out care of the POS ourselves. I’m not relying on anyone in that department, because sadly, we can’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
REPORT to the principal now, and for all future incidents report immediately.

No. Do not. Zero tolerance I say a disaster.

My kid got punched once. He understood that the punch was just frustration and if he said anything all the boys involved at the scene would be in trouble and the perp likely to be suspended. My kid wisely realized that nothing good would come of opening himself mouth. P?S. He got an apology within 48 hours, unasked.

This isn’t about zero tolerance. This is about a teenager learning that it’s not okay to hold a girl against a wall. Why take the chance that he might not learn this behavior is unacceptable? Why take the chance that he’ll know not to do it again in the future? Maybe he’s done this before and there’s a pattern of behavior?
It needs to be reported.

1. He learned it. His nose broke.

2. Telling the principal will make this girl's own life harder at school. That was the calculus my son understood. She doesn't have to do that to herself if she doesn't want to.

3. You put more faith than I in the school adults to solve anything. That's why zero tolerance doesn't work. None of the adults are held accountable for finding the source of the trouble.

She solved it. Her way, at little cost to her own record. Good for her.

Not sure he learned his lesson. Now, if he apologized, I might feel different.
Here's my concern about not reporting or somehow making a record, even by notifying the boy's parents: suppose this boy retaliates in some way. Then what?
Maybe the boy learned and that will be that--we can only hope so.

OP, if you choose not to report to parents or school, you MUST keep a written record of anything else untoward that happens and keep in mind that it likely won't stop until other steps are taken.
And of course this whole episode is yet another sad example of why girls and women don't report abuse. I'm not blaming OP or her daughter, but it sure is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, in come the MRA to silence the women again.

Where are you seeing that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, in come the MRA to silence the women again.

Where are you seeing that?

The posts where the message is NOT to report it.