House hunting is driving me nuts - DH and I are at an impasse.

[Anonymous]

Agree with other PPs that starter homes are generally a bad idea now due to the high transaction costs of selling such as transfer taxes and real estate commissions.

Also, you're going to have to qualify to carry two mortgages if you plan to keep the starter house as a rental because you need two years of rental history for the rental income to count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having just had a baby in an apt, I am so glad we do not have to take care of a house on top of everything else! You should downsize for a year, save more money, and pay down your loans. You aren't really losing much money in a rental, the stress of a mortgage on top of a baby is no fun.

Your dh is right, there is no rush. Hold out for something that really suits you, and frankly wait till schools are an issue (not for five years, at least.). No need to jump on the mortgage bandwagon right now. I would at least wait and see how things like daycare or sahm/d impact what you can afford. You don't want to wind up trapped by your mortgage.

Also, Your plan to eventually buy up (with what downpayment?) and generate income on the starter rental is a) not your money to invest, it's his and, b) doesn't work out for a lot of folks, for various reasons, and is by no means a sure thing. Why don't you put your energy towards earning more income, like looking into grad school or changing careees? Your income seems quite low for the area especially since you have invested heavily in your education. I get that you have been on your own, and give you full credit (so was I, it's not easy, I know.) But that doesn't mean the money he's saved is now yours to gamble with on an idea he's not really keen on, no matter how convinced you are it's a sure thing. And yes, home ownership can be a big gamble. Most of my friends have lost 20% on starter homes. And boy are there some rental horror stories. And, frankly, he's being kind to humor your idea when you haven't exactly shown money-making prowess thus far. Stop trying to fix him and rely on him at the same time. Be your own best investor. Good luck.

The 'mortgage bandwagon' is deductible interest and builds equity.
And I wouldn't buy in a district where you wouldn't send your kids to school because life happens and honestly you might end up never moving.

Renting homes in a good school district is not a bad option though if you could find a long term rental or a neighborhood with a big rental stock .
Often those homes are much less to rent than to buy (at least in my neighborhood).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Side note: if your DH wants to have kids As Soon As Possible, do not get a dog. Taking care of a dog, plus a newborn or toddler, is the worst. Add in a second kid, and it's just way, way too much poop for any person (or couple) to be dealing with.

I loved caring for a newborn and a puppy and then a toddler, dog and a new baby - best years of my life. Depends on what kind of dog you get - my doggie loved little kids and thought she was one. I will miss her forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a family member who is kind of like this about stuff - for example, she’ll live with something in complete disrepair rather than compromise on an ideal, if she can’t remodel to the standard that she wants. I really don’t get it..but I also don’t have any advise on how to get your DH to be willing to accept a compromise, if he’s anything like my family member.

This is maybe something that he'll go for - a fixer upper with potential in a good area?
We've lived in our 'starter home' for 30 years now and I can't imagine ever buying someone else's old house now because the ones we toured (when we considered moving instead of expanding) were really done on the cheap.

[Anonymous]

1) in the same boat I let DH take the lead. He was less inclined to find something wrong.

2) you absolutely can have a baby in a 2 bedroom! Store the crap.

3) either have a kid or get a dog. Do not do both at the same time. We thought we wanted kid, dig, etc. Our kids are 6 and 8 and it's not in the near future. Maybe in 2 more years.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like regardless of which one of you is right, you need to take a break. Tell your realtor you need a few months off. Don't look at houses, don't talk about them. Just step away from the process for a bit.

[Anonymous]

statistically, given imperfect data of a selection pool you increase your odds of making an optimal choice (for anything) when you forego selecting any of the first 33% of the items you look at. Part of the reason you should look and not buy at first is because it give you a chance to learn the market. After this initial phase; however, you should compare the current item with the last item and select the first one that is better than the last one. Doing this you have a little better than house odds of selecting the most ideal item (house) which is available on the market at that given time.

In short, if you are impatient you stand a greater chance of selecting the wrong house.

Your husbands "wish-list" is growing, in part, because he is learning what is important to him as he sees, visits, and evaluates the past 25 homes. This is not an inherently bad thing your husband is doing.

The trick is to convert the learning phase into the selection phase.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Also, Your plan to eventually buy up (with what downpayment?) and generate income on the starter rental is a) not your money to invest, it's his and, b) doesn't work out for a lot of folks, for various reasons, and is by no means a sure thing. Why don't you put your energy towards earning more income, like looking into grad school or changing careees? Your income seems quite low for the area especially since you have invested heavily in your education. I get that you have been on your own, and give you full credit (so was I, it's not easy, I know.) But that doesn't mean the money he's saved is now yours to gamble with on an idea he's not really keen on, no matter how convinced you are it's a sure thing. And yes, home ownership can be a big gamble. Most of my friends have lost 20% on starter homes. And boy are there some rental horror stories. And, frankly, he's being kind to humor your idea when you haven't exactly shown money-making prowess thus far. Stop trying to fix him and rely on him at the same time. Be your own best investor. Good luck.

Honestly I feel your have some issues in your marriage if he is a stickler that this money is 'his' money.

I called it his money, (who knows how op's dh sees it) because he saved it up before they were married by living with his parents. Legally, there is a big difference. In fact, if she left him tomorrow, she would have no right to that money, but if they buy a house together, and she leaves soon after that, she can demand half of it. I don't believe in pre-nups, but at a minimum she needs to respect his concerns regarding the investment of the money. Instead, she sounds like she feels entitled to the money, implying she would have similar if only she had the 'luxury' of living at home. Maybe, but likely not, given the low salary she has (why is it so low?) And Most people don't see it as a 'luxury' to live with your parents.

He sounds like a deliberate and conscientious saver who made some sacrifices to save that money. Lucky for op that she snagged him, given her debts and relatively low salary. Kind of ridiculous that she wants to use his money to invest in what amounts to a real estate property scheme when she clearly has no idea how or whether it would pay off. She thinks she's losing money by paying rent (I disagree, mortgage int deductions are a drop in the bucket relative to fees, maintenance...and don't get me started on counting on equity) -ok, then, what could she qualify for with her own salary and savings? Heck even double that, he uses half his savings and half his income. Would she be looking to buy then? Doubt it. What she should be doing is trying to increase her own salary to afford the life she wants to aim for.

Btw, if this were a woman telling us her dh wants to invest her 50k life savings in a starter home that they will later try to rent out, and that he makes less than half her income, so she would be the one on the hook for the mortgage, I suspect many people would be advising her against it. Asymmetrical income marriages can be very risky for the high earner. Similar thing happened to a good female friend of mine who now pays alimony to her ex (cheating) dh.

[Anonymous]

PP here, I do agree with 11:35. While it is frustrating for OP, she is actually ahead of where she would be if she were on her own. I would also add, if rent is throwing money away, you guys could have opted for a less expensive apartment to save more money. Always live a step behind your income. When I was engaged and my fiancé moved in, since I was already paying the mortgage on my own, what he previously paid in rent went into a joint account for the wedding and then house down payment. I didn’t increase my expenses other than real cable channels and caller id.

Also want to add that agreeing on a house wasn’t easy. My DH talked me out of smaller starter homes and in hindsight that was spot on because the housing crash and job insecurity was right around that 5-7 year mark when we would have been looking to move up. With commute, DH flat out said he didn’t want to move far out for a nicer home. Fast forward to kids in lots of activities and thankfully he isn’t far away and does a lot of drop off and pickup with activities. What felt like super pickey actually served as a balance to my impatience and got us to better decisions.

[Anonymous]

We bought the third house we looked at. The first two already had a contract on them before we could go home and talk about it. If your looking at 25 or 35 homes and going home talking over it you'll lose getting any house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We bought the third house we looked at. The first two already had a contract on them before we could go home and talk about it. If your looking at 25 or 35 homes and going home talking over it you'll lose getting any house.

terrible advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We bought the third house we looked at. The first two already had a contract on them before we could go home and talk about it. If your looking at 25 or 35 homes and going home talking over it you'll lose getting any house.

If you want another housing market crash that's the best thing to do.

[Anonymous]

We bought with a toddler—were in a two bedroom up to that point. We got a storage unit after he was born.

I was glad we bought the hose once we were firmly in “kid mode” and had adjusted our lifestyle and budget to that. Easier to make a good choice.

[Anonymous]

I looked at 63 houses - pretty much everything in my price range in my market - before settling on one. (the 57th one I saw.) It really helped me crystallize what I could and couldn't live with, and I really knew what my money could buy.

I didn't get the best house, but I did get the best possible house in the best location with the best schools, so I'm pretty happy with how things turned out. So as long as your realtor isn't p*ssed at you, keep looking. (I looked at about half of those houses at open houses on my own, and she saw the rest with me.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Side note: if your DH wants to have kids As Soon As Possible, do not get a dog. Taking care of a dog, plus a newborn or toddler, is the worst. Add in a second kid, and it's just way, way too much poop for any person (or couple) to be dealing with.

+ 1 million.

Yup. Seriously. Get over the idea of the family + dog for nice photos.