Husband doesn't say good-bye - this is weird, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you leave your purse in the car?

It creates an opportunity for drama, purse stolen, him driving off worth purse in car, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not new and it's always bugged me. I've told him and he'll do better for a while, often joking about it by doing this elaborate routine -I'm leaving this room and going to the other room, ok. Then he'll slowly fall back into his usual ways. It's clear to me that this is his norm and he has to be consciously focusing to remember the good-bye. It's as if he's mentally already moving off to the next thing so just goes and does it. So I'm used to it as being a mild irritant but got pissed off today because I didn't have the money to pay the guy.

Weird but keep working with him. It seems like he's willing to work at it but habits can be hard to break. It would drive me crazy!

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have kids? I mean small kids? It's rude of him, but I'd be able to live with it - unless I had small kids. What if you did the same thing? left without telling him you were leaving and assumed he was watching the kids. Then he did the same thing - left without telling you he was leaving and assumed you were still in the house watching the kids. All of a sudden. The kids are left in the house alone. THAT would be my biggest beef.

Maybe you should start doing it to him. I don't mean this advice to be passive aggressive, but more as a way to show him what it feels like to be on the other end of that behavior. Some people learn better by seeing the effects rather than you telling them. If you start leaving the house without telling him, he may start to understand how disconcerting that is.

[Anonymous]

Leaving the room to go upstairs or to a different room in the house, that doesn't need any saying. That would be weird to me. But, going to Target, etc, he should tell you that he is going. My DH, if leaving for work while I am still sleeping, he will come in and say bye, every single time. He is overseas now, and tell me if he has a business trip for two days or more. Married 25 years this year.

[Anonymous]

My husband does things that are annoying. He does things that are inconsiderate. He does things that are strange.

It's marriage. It's sharing a life with someone who isn't your clone and doesn't do everything exactly the same way you do it.

I suggest you make your peace with it, not for his sake, but for yours. It's not going to change so you have to. Or don't and be annoyed forever.

If you want to move even deeper with this, maybe you should ask yourself if you are contributing to these behaviors by your reaction when he tells you he is going somewhere.

[Anonymous]

We don't always tell each other when we are leaving to run an errand. If you have young kids you have to make sure the other parent know you are gone but if not, then I don't find it weird.

If he is in the middle of a project and I am upstairs in my office working on my thesis, he will just run out to the hardware store without telling me. If I go to find him, I poke my head out the door and see his car is gone so I figure he ran an errand. If I need to ask him something, i call or text.

I do the same. If he and his friends are downstairs watching a football game and I want to run to the store for groceries for my lunch tomorrow, I just go.

[Anonymous]

Is this the only rude thing he does, or is it one of many? If this is the only thing, I may just let it go. My dh is the same (except for the phone) and I hate it. I know he knows it's rude because he does it more often if he's annoyed with me about something (minor) or in a bad mood in general. I think part of it is the passive-aggressive thing ... doesn't want to have to pick up some milk, but also can't bring himself to say no. It's also one of the weird ways he shows me he's in control. He comes and goes when he pleases, so there. Also, if you're sitting with someone talking or watching t.v. and they just get up and leave the room to go to bed or go for a run without saying a word, that's weird. Have you ever done the same to him?

[Anonymous]

Ok, lots of questions. Let's see. He's normally a very polite person. We do have kids early elem, but they generally will come looking for me first so him being gone doesn't impact them much. One reason I tell him I'm leaving is so he knows he's primary on kid duty, but this predates kids.

I don't think I talk more than most people, though I guess it's possible. It's not unheard of that I'll ask for 1-2 things from target, but I'd go myself if it was more than a couple of things. Also, if he went to target without me knowing and I wanted something, he'd be fine with going back. He doesn't mind errands much unless there's been a ton of running around (probably enjoys the peace of the car!). There also may be some bit of having control that's at play, although I'm not trying to stop him from leaving. When he tells me he's leaving, there's no drama around it; it's understood that he'll go alone.

He didn't tell me in the morning he was leaving for target at a certain time. He told me in the morning that he was going to target at some point in the weekend.

Who knows, I guess I could have undiagnosed ADD; I'm certainly more forgetful than most people but I'm usually ok so long as my systems are in place. I don't see a problem with leaving purse in car in garage; this issue has never come up before because I don't need money at home. Calling this the start of a porno movie is very funny, btw!

Usually it's not WW3; I don't want to exaggerate the effect. Mostly it's one of those things you learn to live with, but this time was particularly galling. After reading pp's, it sounds like it's unusual but not unheard of.

[Anonymous]

Response: Have you tried explaining this need of yours to your husband?? Here are some great resources on dealing with things/people that annoy us. Hope it helps!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKFd8Rt0AWs
http://bit.ly/2yIycHn

[Anonymous]

My H does this too, but he doesn't bother telling me where he is going and doesn't answer his phone if I call to find out where he went. Just leaves. it worries me and it's rude and disrespectful.