S/O How did you find out about a parent's affair and what has it done to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father was sexing a neighbor and got her pregnant. He brought her home to tell my mother who at the time was pregnant with her 4th. They ran off together leaving my mother in severe poverty. Thank God we had good family.

I didn't even know what my father looked like until I was 21. After meeting I found out he married the neighbor but forgot to divorce my mother, had two kids with the neighbor and adopted her kid, he had ANOTHER wife he forgot to divorce and 2 kids with her that we have never met.

My mother went on to marry a man that not only lifted us out of poverty but made sure my mother was taken care of.

Our biological father was found dead in bed by his wife. He had been dead for 5 days. She thought he was sleeping and needed rest. For some reason I feel good about that.

No daddy issues. Unlike my sister who slept around on her husbands saying she never had a father and was looking for one. In bed ?

Just for the record, I would disown my daughter if she had an abortion. It's murder for selfish reasons.

You need therapy. A lot of it. And some compassion. Seriously, are people really this bitter and unloving? Disinheriting your daughter over abortion?? she is your f'ing daughter! She needs your love and understanding more than anything at such a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was 6 years old when her father took her to Disney World. With his married AP, and her 5 year old son. The two kids shared one room, and the two adults shared the other.

My niece came home and never said word one to my sister about the other people they had spent so much time with. But she started tearing her hair out at the roots.

This is horrible. How could a parent be so selfish

You could ask the same thing about a wife who refuses to meet her husband’s sexual needs, despite promises otherwise.

You're out of your idiot mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It made me realize that my mom had been lying to me and my dad fir years. I could never look at her in the same way, knowing she is capable of long-term deception.

It caused me to question her judgment and ability to make good choices.

It cost us our membership in our church and all my friends and activities there.

It caused me to lose a good friend-- her AP's daughter.

Our relationship has never truly recovered, as she is still dating him.

Like a decade or more later? Maybe it was the right choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was 6 years old when her father took her to Disney World. With his married AP, and her 5 year old son. The two kids shared one room, and the two adults shared the other.

My niece came home and never said word one to my sister about the other people they had spent so much time with. But she started tearing her hair out at the roots.

This is horrible. How could a parent be so selfish

You could ask the same thing about a wife who refuses to meet her husband’s sexual needs, despite promises otherwise.

Exhibit A. Yes your dick is more important than your child's emotional and physical health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was 6 years old when her father took her to Disney World. With his married AP, and her 5 year old son. The two kids shared one room, and the two adults shared the other.

My niece came home and never said word one to my sister about the other people they had spent so much time with. But she started tearing her hair out at the roots.

This is horrible. How could a parent be so selfish

You could ask the same thing about a wife who refuses to meet her husband’s sexual needs, despite promises otherwise.

Exhibit A. Yes your dick is more important than your child's emotional and physical health.

Who the hell said the betrayed wife refused to meet her husband's sexual needs? My sister's DH had an affair in spite of her being more sexual than he was. Her DH's problem was that she refused to quit her full-time job to stay home. Not everything is about sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.

Same thing for me, except it was my father who had the affair. I was already an adult, out of the house. It's between them. Not my business. Relationships and people are complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It made me realize that my mom had been lying to me and my dad fir years. I could never look at her in the same way, knowing she is capable of long-term deception.

It caused me to question her judgment and ability to make good choices.

It cost us our membership in our church and all my friends and activities there.

It caused me to lose a good friend-- her AP's daughter.

Our relationship has never truly recovered, as she is still dating him.

Like a decade or more later? Maybe it was the right choice?

25 years later, although they have broken up twice during that period. She is very unhappy in the relationship but afraid to be alone. He treats her well day to day, but cannot support himself financially. She cannot afford to retire if she has to pay for his long-term care. So I do not believe it was the right choice.

And even if he were a good partner for her, which he is not, the better choice would have been to date him after both of them were divorced. There is no justification for an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.

Same thing for me, except it was my father who had the affair. I was already an adult, out of the house. It's between them. Not my business. Relationships and people are complex.

Being an honest person and keeping your pants on is not complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.

Same thing for me, except it was my father who had the affair. I was already an adult, out of the house. It's between them. Not my business. Relationships and people are complex.

Being an honest person and keeping your pants on is not complex.

Nothing is complex when you see only black and white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was 6 years old when her father took her to Disney World. With his married AP, and her 5 year old son. The two kids shared one room, and the two adults shared the other.

My niece came home and never said word one to my sister about the other people they had spent so much time with. But she started tearing her hair out at the roots.

This is horrible. How could a parent be so selfish

You could ask the same thing about a wife who refuses to meet her husband’s sexual needs, despite promises otherwise.

Your sex life shouldn't be a prerequisite for caring about the emotional well-being of your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was 6 years old when her father took her to Disney World. With his married AP, and her 5 year old son. The two kids shared one room, and the two adults shared the other.

My niece came home and never said word one to my sister about the other people they had spent so much time with. But she started tearing her hair out at the roots.

This is horrible. How could a parent be so selfish

You could ask the same thing about a wife who refuses to meet her husband’s sexual needs, despite promises otherwise.

Your sex life shouldn't be a prerequisite for caring about the emotional well-being of your children.

If the children's emotional well-being is paramount to you, then I trust you fully support Open Marriages instead of Sexless marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was 6 years old when her father took her to Disney World. With his married AP, and her 5 year old son. The two kids shared one room, and the two adults shared the other.

My niece came home and never said word one to my sister about the other people they had spent so much time with. But she started tearing her hair out at the roots.

This is horrible. How could a parent be so selfish

You could ask the same thing about a wife who refuses to meet her husband’s sexual needs, despite promises otherwise.

Your sex life shouldn't be a prerequisite for caring about the emotional well-being of your children.

If the children's emotional well-being is paramount to you, then I trust you fully support Open Marriages instead of Sexless marriages.

NP. Is English your second language? You don't seem to have understood what PP wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.

You are far too emotionally healthy to be on the DCUM relationship forum. Or the family one. Or the parenting ones. You should probably stick to the financial and gardening forums.

This isn't emotional health. It's suppresion.

You have to be kidding, right???

No I'm not.

You clearly have low emotional IQ. This woman seems very well adapted and has a healthy adult relationship with her parents. She sees them as people and not demigods. What is she repressing?

NP here. You are the one who seems to have low emotional IG. Why must you be right about pp? Why does it bother you so much that happens to have a different opinion? BTW I happen to agee with pp that she doesn't sound very healthy. She comes across as very detached from her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was 6 years old when her father took her to Disney World. With his married AP, and her 5 year old son. The two kids shared one room, and the two adults shared the other.

My niece came home and never said word one to my sister about the other people they had spent so much time with. But she started tearing her hair out at the roots.

This is horrible. How could a parent be so selfish

You could ask the same thing about a wife who refuses to meet her husband’s sexual needs, despite promises otherwise.

Your sex life shouldn't be a prerequisite for caring about the emotional well-being of your children.

If the children's emotional well-being is paramount to you, then I trust you fully support Open Marriages instead of Sexless marriages.

NP. Is English your second language? You don't seem to have understood what PP wrote.

I'm sure he understand English just fine. He just thinks he's entitled to have an affair if he's not getting enough sex from his wife. He's entitled to rub this affair in front of his kid's face because the only thing that matters is his penis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.

Curious how you found out in adulthood? Did one of them tell you? If so, why?