S/O How did you find out about a parent's affair and what has it done to you?

Anonymous
I walked in on them when I came home early from a soccer game that was rained out. I kept it a secret for a while and ended up with some mental health problems and bulimia. Eventually the truth came out without me telling. I will never ever forget the things I saw that day or the look on my dad's face. We have a relationship that seems normal on the surface, but it isn't what it should be. I found it very hard to trust people for a long time after that. You really never know what other people are thinking and doing, but it can be really bad stuff. I have always thoight I can only truly rely on myself.
Anonymous
My older brother told me when I was 6 years old. My father and ow have a child the same age as my younger sister, who is 2 years younger than me. My parents worked things out, half sister was adopted by ow's husband. It made it very difficult for me to trust men, but I realize people make mistakes. It also made me committed to fidelity in all of my relationships and, especially, my marriage.
Anonymous
Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.


You are far too emotionally healthy to be on the DCUM relationship forum. Or the family one. Or the parenting ones. You should probably stick to the financial and gardening forums.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.


You are far too emotionally healthy to be on the DCUM relationship forum. Or the family one. Or the parenting ones. You should probably stick to the financial and gardening forums.


Have you been on the money forums lately?!?! Woman disinheriting her daughter for having an abortion, not speaking to 5 out of 6 grandkids. I say stick to pets and gardening. Maybe home improvement.
Anonymous
My father was sexing a neighbor and got her pregnant. He brought her home to tell my mother who at the time was pregnant with her 4th. They ran off together leaving my mother in severe poverty. Thank God we had good family.

I didn't even know what my father looked like until I was 21. After meeting I found out he married the neighbor but forgot to divorce my mother, had two kids with the neighbor and adopted her kid, he had ANOTHER wife he forgot to divorce and 2 kids with her that we have never met.

My mother went on to marry a man that not only lifted us out of poverty but made sure my mother was taken care of.

Our biological father was found dead in bed by his wife. He had been dead for 5 days. She thought he was sleeping and needed rest. For some reason I feel good about that.

No daddy issues. Unlike my sister who slept around on her husbands saying she never had a father and was looking for one. In bed ?

Just for the record, I would disown my daughter if she had an abortion. It's murder for selfish reasons.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.


You are far too emotionally healthy to be on the DCUM relationship forum. Or the family one. Or the parenting ones. You should probably stick to the financial and gardening forums.


Have you been on the money forums lately?!?! Woman disinheriting her daughter for having an abortion, not speaking to 5 out of 6 grandkids. I say stick to pets and gardening. Maybe home improvement.


Pets is absolutely insane. So Home Improvement and Garden. Those are the forums for you, PP.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.


You are far too emotionally healthy to be on the DCUM relationship forum. Or the family one. Or the parenting ones. You should probably stick to the financial and gardening forums.


This isn't emotional health. It's suppresion.
Anonymous
I found out about his first affair whn I was 14 and my parents decided to randomly tell me rat bed time that my dad cheated on my mom and he had to kid which is why they got divorced the first time.

I'm pretty sure he cheated on my mom my entire childhood.

But the one I'm sure of I found out when he was in the hospital and I was looking after his phone and I saw all his texts to a woman who was not my mom.

Basically , I think marriage is a joke and my dad is a hypocrite
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.


You are far too emotionally healthy to be on the DCUM relationship forum. Or the family one. Or the parenting ones. You should probably stick to the financial and gardening forums.


This isn't emotional health. It's suppresion.


You have to be kidding, right???
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.


You are far too emotionally healthy to be on the DCUM relationship forum. Or the family one. Or the parenting ones. You should probably stick to the financial and gardening forums.


This isn't emotional health. It's suppresion.


You have to be kidding, right???


No I'm not.
Anonymous
My niece was 6 years old when her father took her to Disney World. With his married AP, and her 5 year old son. The two kids shared one room, and the two adults shared the other.

My niece came home and never said word one to my sister about the other people they had spent so much time with. But she started tearing her hair out at the roots.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My niece was 6 years old when her father took her to Disney World. With his married AP, and her 5 year old son. The two kids shared one room, and the two adults shared the other.

My niece came home and never said word one to my sister about the other people they had spent so much time with. But she started tearing her hair out at the roots.


This is horrible. How could a parent be so selfish
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Found out as an adult. It didn't change anything because it has nothing to do with me. I don't see my mom as an extension of me - she is a wholly autonomous person with her own desires and wishes. She was, and is, an excellent mom to me, and nothing would change that. Her sex life is none of my business. Her relationship with my father (to whom she is still married) is none of my business. Who am I to decide she should have denied herself? I don't own her.


You are far too emotionally healthy to be on the DCUM relationship forum. Or the family one. Or the parenting ones. You should probably stick to the financial and gardening forums.


This isn't emotional health. It's suppresion.


You have to be kidding, right???


No I'm not.


You clearly have low emotional IQ. This woman seems very well adapted and has a healthy adult relationship with her parents. She sees them as people and not demigods. What is she repressing?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My niece was 6 years old when her father took her to Disney World. With his married AP, and her 5 year old son. The two kids shared one room, and the two adults shared the other.

My niece came home and never said word one to my sister about the other people they had spent so much time with. But she started tearing her hair out at the roots.


This is horrible. How could a parent be so selfish


You could ask the same thing about a wife who refuses to meet her husband’s sexual needs, despite promises otherwise.
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