Think spouse has aspergers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Armchair diagnoses of "aspergers" and "narcissist" and "borderline" seem to be rampant these days. Don't make things complicated. Go to counseling and let a pro observe how you two communicate so she can offer objective advice.

Yes! How ridiculous that someone "friend" decides her husband has Aspergers. True Aspergers individuals have major impairments socially
I don't buy that somehow you missed this when you were dating.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure why people are attacking OP.

What she says is true: people on the spectrum can often hide their symptoms from those we do not live with and even from you live with, as long as the daily circumstances are not too stressful and we are allowed alone time.

I am what is believed to be a rarity: a woman with autism. I also have a near-genius IQ and I'm high functioning, with a good, white-collar job. People outside my home do not know about my struggles because I control the circumstances under which they see me and am associated with indicia of success and stability. At work, I put on a performance socially and study cues very closely. Even then, I am more likely than not to be found in my office with the door closed and I often take a longer route to the bathroom and avoid the cafeteria in order to minimize my social interactions to those that I choose to initiate. I see my friends no more frequently than every few months because that is really all I can sustain with incredible stress that socializing at work put on my resources.

I believe I am happily married, although my husband's emotional reactions are sometimes opaque to me and I struggle to understand. But I believe that if my husband were to be interviewed, he would report that I was a slightly aloof, but engaging, witty, and fun person. Only know that he lives with me under the pressure of two children and the pressure of in-laws who insist we socialize with them regularly does he see that I am actually a loner and I am extremely detail oriented and very rigid about schedules. Most of our arguments revolve around details that he got wrong and that I am having an emotional reaction to. I also dislike inaccuracies in recalling previous conversations and use of imprecise language. It has taken me years to understand how my perfectionism and extremely high standards regarding organization and details are crushing to people who are neurotypical. I am also very secretive because I have certain behaviors that are anxiety-relieving, which I know are to neurotypical people. So, I need to be alone sometimes just to be my weird self.

Anyway, I think my husband would say that being married to me is rewarding because I really do make our household run and I am also more successful and motivated professionally and financially than most women. The traditionally feminine job of managing our interactions with family and socialization has fallen to him, however. Left my own devices, I would not see people I love more than once or twice a year. I also refuse to take phone calls because phone conversations make me anxious.

[Anonymous]

^^ Apologies for typos. I dictated this.

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure why people are attacking OP.

What she says is true: people on the spectrum can often hide their symptoms from those we do not live with and even from you live with, as long as the daily circumstances are not too stressful and we are allowed alone time.

I am what is believed to be a rarity: a woman with autism. I also have a near-genius IQ and I'm high functioning, with a good, white-collar job. People outside my home do not know about my struggles because I control the circumstances under which they see me and am associated with indicia of success and stability. At work, I put on a performance socially and study cues very closely. Even then, I am more likely than not to be found in my office with the door closed and I often take a longer route to the bathroom and avoid the cafeteria in order to minimize my social interactions to those that I choose to initiate. I see my friends no more frequently than every few months because that is really all I can sustain with incredible stress that socializing at work put on my resources.

I believe I am happily married, although my husband's emotional reactions are sometimes opaque to me and I struggle to understand. But I believe that if my husband were to be interviewed, he would report that I was a slightly aloof, but engaging, witty, and fun person. Only know that he lives with me under the pressure of two children and the pressure of in-laws who insist we socialize with them regularly does he see that I am actually a loner and I am extremely detail oriented and very rigid about schedules. Most of our arguments revolve around details that he got wrong and that I am having an emotional reaction to. I also dislike inaccuracies in recalling previous conversations and use of imprecise language. It has taken me years to understand how my perfectionism and extremely high standards regarding organization and details are crushing to people who are neurotypical. I am also very secretive because I have certain behaviors that are anxiety-relieving, which I know are to neurotypical people. So, I need to be alone sometimes just to be my weird self.

Anyway, I think my husband would say that being married to me is rewarding because I really do make our household run and I am also more successful and motivated professionally and financially than most women. The traditionally feminine job of managing our interactions with family and socialization has fallen to him, however. Left my own devices, I would not see people I love more than once or twice a year. I also refuse to take phone calls because phone conversations make me anxious.

Op here. Thank you so much for your response. It has really given me more compassion for my spouse, and helped to make things make more sense. Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure why people are attacking OP.

What she says is true: people on the spectrum can often hide their symptoms from those we do not live with and even from you live with, as long as the daily circumstances are not too stressful and we are allowed alone time.

I am what is believed to be a rarity: a woman with autism. I also have a near-genius IQ and I'm high functioning, with a good, white-collar job. People outside my home do not know about my struggles because I control the circumstances under which they see me and am associated with indicia of success and stability. At work, I put on a performance socially and study cues very closely. Even then, I am more likely than not to be found in my office with the door closed and I often take a longer route to the bathroom and avoid the cafeteria in order to minimize my social interactions to those that I choose to initiate. I see my friends no more frequently than every few months because that is really all I can sustain with incredible stress that socializing at work put on my resources.

I believe I am happily married, although my husband's emotional reactions are sometimes opaque to me and I struggle to understand. But I believe that if my husband were to be interviewed, he would report that I was a slightly aloof, but engaging, witty, and fun person. Only know that he lives with me under the pressure of two children and the pressure of in-laws who insist we socialize with them regularly does he see that I am actually a loner and I am extremely detail oriented and very rigid about schedules. Most of our arguments revolve around details that he got wrong and that I am having an emotional reaction to. I also dislike inaccuracies in recalling previous conversations and use of imprecise language. It has taken me years to understand how my perfectionism and extremely high standards regarding organization and details are crushing to people who are neurotypical. I am also very secretive because I have certain behaviors that are anxiety-relieving, which I know are to neurotypical people. So, I need to be alone sometimes just to be my weird self.

Anyway, I think my husband would say that being married to me is rewarding because I really do make our household run and I am also more successful and motivated professionally and financially than most women. The traditionally feminine job of managing our interactions with family and socialization has fallen to him, however. Left my own devices, I would not see people I love more than once or twice a year. I also refuse to take phone calls because phone conversations make me anxious.

Like what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP?

Yes

Aspergers are prominent in men. It is passed down from father to son.

Not true. Aspie mom of daughter. Learn facts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP?

Yes

Aspergers are prominent in men. It is passed down from father to son.

Not true. Aspie mom of daughter. Learn facts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP?

Yes

Aspergers are prominent in men. It is passed down from father to son.

Not true. Aspie mom of daughter. Learn facts

NP here. My SIL is married to a man with Aspergers, and one of their two boys is also on the spectrum (the other one is not). FWIW, the husband is nothing like PP with autism above describer herself; the man can't find his way out of a paper bag so SIL is fully responsible for everything in her household. Fortunately, the husband came with a sizeable trust fund, so she could outsource a chore or ten, but watching them interact in daily life is painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hopefully he leaves you and finds someone who loves him.

this is a totally unfair statement, if he has aspergers then often a spouse is the one to deal with the majority of the difficulties since communication is the keystone of marriage.

[Anonymous]

My ex-wife accused me of having Aspergers so I divorced her. My psychologist doesn't think I have Aspergers or any of the other mental ailments my ex had diagnosed me with. My primary care doctor doesn't think I have any of the physical ailments my ex diagnosed me with, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my spouse has aspergers. A good friend who works with autism told me she suspected he was on the spectrum before getting married. The symptoms are now obvious to me though they were not pre-marriage. He is socially inept, doesn't make eye contact, doesn't empathize, and a poor communicator among other things. I'm at my wits end with it. As communicating and day to day life is becoming torture. I'm so annoyed that I just feel bitchy all the time and I'm sick of it. I have asked my spouse to seek ,education help multiple times to no avail. Anyone else deal with this? What should I do?

Ugh you’re awful. Get divorced and go live with your nasty friend. You guys would make good cat ladies.