Think spouse has aspergers

[Anonymous]

I think my spouse has aspergers. A good friend who works with autism told me she suspected he was on the spectrum before getting married. The symptoms are now obvious to me though they were not pre-marriage. He is socially inept, doesn't make eye contact, doesn't empathize, and a poor communicator among other things. I'm at my wits end with it. As communicating and day to day life is becoming torture. I'm so annoyed that I just feel bitchy all the time and I'm sick of it. I have asked my spouse to seek ,education help multiple times to no avail. Anyone else deal with this? What should I do?

[Anonymous]

hopefully he leaves you and finds someone who loves him.

[Anonymous]

is he a closet homosexual?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hopefully he leaves you and finds someone who loves him.

And not an idiot.

OP, signs of autism don't appear after marriage.

Stop trying to diagnosis your husband. Work on your marriage or get a divorce.

PS plenty of people on the spectrum are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my spouse has aspergers. A good friend who works with autism told me she suspected he was on the spectrum before getting married. The symptoms are now obvious to me though they were not pre-marriage. He is socially inept, doesn't make eye contact, doesn't empathize, and a poor communicator among other things. I'm at my wits end with it. As communicating and day to day life is becoming torture. I'm so annoyed that I just feel bitchy all the time and I'm sick of it. I have asked my spouse to seek ,education help multiple times to no avail. Anyone else deal with this? What should I do?

Talk about socially inept...

[Anonymous]

I think my spouse is a nettling control freak. The symptoms were not clear pre-marriage but now they are. Day to day communication is torture. I'm at my wit's end, I've begged my spouse to get educated and get counseling but she refuses. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Op, don't listen to the haters. Find a support group. There are some great books that at least are sort of funny. I have found that my husband and I don't have the traditional marriage that I assumed. It's more of a single parent scenario where we have worked to carve out some roles for him, but he usually does not participate even there. Google around, there are great resources online for NT partners. A lot of ot comes down to accepting the situation you are in, making the best of it, and moving on. Give yourself time to mourn. It's lonely and it sucks.

And yes symptoms do appear after marriage, it is a well known phenomenon, as prior to marriage, you are one of their donations, but afterwards get put in a different category, and the experience is dramatically different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, don't listen to the haters. Find a support group. There are some great books that at least are sort of funny. I have found that my husband and I don't have the traditional marriage that I assumed. It's more of a single parent scenario where we have worked to carve out some roles for him, but he usually does not participate even there. Google around, there are great resources online for NT partners. A lot of ot comes down to accepting the situation you are in, making the best of it, and moving on. Give yourself time to mourn. It's lonely and it sucks.

And yes symptoms do appear after marriage, it is a well known phenomenon, as prior to marriage, you are one of their donations, but afterwards get put in a different category, and the experience is dramatically different.

"Fixations" not donations... Sorry autospell

[Anonymous]

http://www.aspergerpartner.com/15-tips-for-nt-spouses.html

[Anonymous]

OP you should read Look Me In the Eye: My Life with Asperger's. The author was diagnosed by a friend, and not till he was in his 40s. But also, since 2013 the DSM no longer recognizes Asperger's separately. It's rolled into a general Autism diagnosis. I'm sure everyone understands your post just fine, just an FYI.

[Anonymous]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/spectrum-solutions/201006/what-everybody-ought-know-about-aspergers-and-marriage%3famp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you should read Look Me In the Eye: My Life with Asperger's. The author was diagnosed by a friend, and not till he was in his 40s. But also, since 2013 the DSM no longer recognizes Asperger's separately. It's rolled into a general Autism diagnosis. I'm sure everyone understands your post just fine, just an FYI.

The author of this book is nothing like what the OP described, which could describe a lot of people not on the spectrum.

OP, your DH doesn't have a diagnosis which would make you lame for seeking out a support group b/c your efforts to change him have failed.

[Anonymous]

This is a great one: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-heart-autism/201511/married-man-asperger-s-syndrome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a great one: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-heart-autism/201511/married-man-asperger-s-syndrome

OP here. Thx for the link. It was very hard to read as I really recognize my life in it. I will try to stay positive that things can improve.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids, OP?