Think spouse has aspergers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:is he a closet homosexual?

I'm not the OP, but I'm curious why you would think this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a great one: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-heart-autism/201511/married-man-asperger-s-syndrome

OP here. Thx for the link. It was very hard to read as I really recognize my life in it. I will try to stay positive that things can improve.

The only person you can change is yourself. Stop suggesting things that your DH needs to do. If you happen to be correct then there's a very high probability that your kids are autistic too. Go to a developmental pediatrician at KKI or Children's.

[Anonymous]

He's the very same person you married. People don't suddenly change, but your perception of him has changed based on your friend's "diagnosis" of him.

I highly suspect my own husband has Asperger's now that I know more about it from our son's diagnosis. His habits and anxieties make more sense now, although I've known about them since I met him. They have always been a part of who he is, and didn't suddenly become worse after I figured out the autism link. There are many married people on the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my spouse has aspergers. A good friend who works with autism told me she suspected he was on the spectrum before getting married. The symptoms are now obvious to me though they were not pre-marriage. He is socially inept, doesn't make eye contact, doesn't empathize, and a poor communicator among other things. I'm at my wits end with it. As communicating and day to day life is becoming torture. I'm so annoyed that I just feel bitchy all the time and I'm sick of it. I have asked my spouse to seek ,education help multiple times to no avail. Anyone else deal with this? What should I do?

They are also true, realiable, have good jobs, somewhat malleable, decent, kind........

The aspects that you describe should have been evident when you were dating.

[Anonymous]

If you want to stay married to him, I would seek resources to help you navigate your relationship with him.

I'm not sure why people are being so cruel to you - they seem to be projecting a great deal. I don't see anywhere in your post that you're trying to change him, and if he does indeed have an autism spectrum disorder then you won't be able to.

What attracted you to him in the beginning of your relationship? When did things start to become more difficult?
If he does have an ASD then he was the same person before you married, but I'm sure the stress of children and family life has impacted him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hopefully he leaves you and finds someone who loves him.

And not an idiot.

OP, signs of autism don't appear after marriage.

Stop trying to diagnosis your husband. Work on your marriage or get a divorce.

PS plenty of people on the spectrum are married.

She didn't say they just appeared. She said she didn't see them. There is a LOT you don't necessarily take note of before marriage, before living with somebody. He may have been trying harder. She may have willfully ignored. Maybe some of both.

[Anonymous]

This situation reminds me of a This American Life podcast about a woman who married a man with Asperger's and realizes it during the marriage.

Act 2:
https://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/458/play-the-part?act=2#play

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to stay married to him, I would seek resources to help you navigate your relationship with him.

I'm not sure why people are being so cruel to you - they seem to be projecting a great deal. I don't see anywhere in your post that you're trying to change him, and if he does indeed have an autism spectrum disorder then you won't be able to.

What attracted you to him in the beginning of your relationship? When did things start to become more difficult?
If he does have an ASD then he was the same person before you married, but I'm sure the stress of children and family life has impacted him.

He was kind, interesting, and gave a lot of quality time when dating. Married life is not dating life of course. Things change.... you talk about schedules, you socialize with your spouse with others more, you argue more due to life's new stresses, communication becomes more important because your conversations are no longer mainly about where to go grab drinks at. Because of these changes there are certain aspects of my spouses personality that are more exposed that when dating. Things became most difficult after kids. He is overwhelmed, and frankly as a result so am I.

[Anonymous]

http://www.evmendes.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/ASMarriage14Strategies.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hopefully he leaves you and finds someone who loves him.

And not an idiot.

OP, signs of autism don't appear after marriage.

Stop trying to diagnosis your husband. Work on your marriage or get a divorce.

PS plenty of people on the spectrum are married.

She didn't say they just appeared. She said she didn't see them. There is a LOT you don't necessarily take note of before marriage, before living with somebody. He may have been trying harder. She may have willfully ignored. Maybe some of both.

She didn't notice that, "He is socially inept, doesn't make eye contact, doesn't empathize, and a poor communicator among other things..."

The OP's friend is an ass.

OP, starting a conversation with honey you have autism and need help is not helpful. Good communication skills uses I statements not blame. Blaming marital problems on the spouse b/c he has autism won't change anything. OP needs to start with herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to stay married to him, I would seek resources to help you navigate your relationship with him.

I'm not sure why people are being so cruel to you - they seem to be projecting a great deal. I don't see anywhere in your post that you're trying to change him, and if he does indeed have an autism spectrum disorder then you won't be able to.

What attracted you to him in the beginning of your relationship? When did things start to become more difficult?
If he does have an ASD then he was the same person before you married, but I'm sure the stress of children and family life has impacted him.

He was kind, interesting, and gave a lot of quality time when dating. Married life is not dating life of course. Things change.... you talk about schedules, you socialize with your spouse with others more, you argue more due to life's new stresses, communication becomes more important because your conversations are no longer mainly about where to go grab drinks at. Because of these changes there are certain aspects of my spouses personality that are more exposed that when dating. Things became most difficult after kids. He is overwhelmed, and frankly as a result so am I.

No kidding things change. You sound very naive. People's key personality traits don't change with marriage and don't morph into autism.

Is your friend by any by any chance a social worker at a SN school? If so, she makes it a hobby to diagnose spouses.

[Anonymous]

Armchair diagnoses of "aspergers" and "narcissist" and "borderline" seem to be rampant these days. Don't make things complicated. Go to counseling and let a pro observe how you two communicate so she can offer objective advice.

[Anonymous]

Divorce him. He's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP?

Yes

Aspergers are prominent in men. It is passed down from father to son.