Reply to Think spouse has aspergers

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am not sure why people are attacking OP.

What she says is true: people on the spectrum can often hide their symptoms from those we do not live with and even from  you live with, as long as the daily circumstances are not too stressful and we are allowed alone time.

I am what is believed to be a rarity: a woman with autism.  I also have a near-genius IQ and I'm high functioning, with a good, white-collar job. People outside my home do not know about my struggles because I control the circumstances under which they see me and am associated with indicia of success and stability. At work, I put on a performance socially and study cues very closely. Even then, I am more likely than not to be found in my office with the door closed and I often take a longer route to the bathroom and avoid the cafeteria in order to minimize my social interactions to those that I choose to initiate. I see my friends no more frequently than every few months because that is really all I can sustain with incredible stress that socializing at work put on my resources.

I believe I am happily married, although my husband's emotional reactions are sometimes opaque to me and I struggle to understand. But I believe that if my husband were to be interviewed, he would report that I was a slightly aloof, but engaging, witty, and fun person. Only know that he lives with me under the pressure of two children and the pressure of in-laws who insist we socialize with them regularly does he see that I am actually a loner and I am extremely detail oriented and very rigid about schedules. Most of our arguments revolve around details that he got wrong and that I am having an emotional reaction to. I also dislike inaccuracies in recalling previous conversations and use of imprecise language. It has taken me years to understand how my perfectionism and extremely high standards regarding organization and details are crushing to people who are neurotypical. I am also very secretive because I have certain behaviors that are anxiety-relieving, which I know are to neurotypical people. So, I need to be alone sometimes just to be my weird self.

Anyway, I think my husband would say that being married to me is rewarding because I really do make our household run and I am also more successful and motivated professionally and financially than most women. The traditionally feminine job of managing our interactions with family and socialization has fallen to him, however. Left my own devices, I would not see people I love more than once or twice a year. I also refuse to take phone calls because phone conversations make me anxious.

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Op here. Thank you so much for your response. It has really given me more compassion for my spouse, and helped to make things make more sense. Thanks again![/quote]

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