Benefits of ADHD? Screening Dates for ADHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Random posts from random threads indicates that this should be avoided. I understand feeling empathy for those with this, but where is the empathy for those who have to deal with these people? Really I should say "these men" because it mostly seems to be men with ADHD who cause stress.

Anonymous wrote:Nope nope nope. Married to DH who was diagnosed with ADHD only recently, and only when the addition of children in our live broke/overwhelmed his existing cover mechanisms and coping skills. If he's not managing it as a bachelor, it will only get worse when a partnership and shared responsibility as well as cooperation are required. If I was dating DH when he was diagnosed and the symptoms appeared rather than marries with kids, I would have run.

Anonymous wrote:Any tips on living with an ADHD partner? Oy. Love him to death but omg...sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. It shouldn't be my responsibility to finish all his projects and clean up all his messes! I already have toddlers for that!

Anonymous wrote:would I marry someone with ADHD?

only if we didn't plan to have kids. Or, I planned to SAHM and handle everything myself and not get resentful.

There are many women with ADD and ADHD as well. We're just underdiagnosed. It usually becomes apparent after having kids who are diagnosed with ADHD. It's also masked by the normal chaos of childrearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be rude but what are the benefits of dating someone with ADHD?

There is this thread on here where people have it, but they wouldn't want to be married to someone with it. Doesn't that mean that people who don't have it should run like hell if they don't want to be burdened?

Then there is another thread where someone is trying to learn how to love or tolerate their ADHD spouse or something.

Isn't this a warning sign of something to consider when dating?

But some people don't know they have it until later so should people screen their potential marriage partners for ADHD?

These are serious questions.

We're not boring.

That was the toast at my wedding - 10 years before we knew I had ADHD!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

OH, I get it. (Sarcasm) People who can't cope with white collar work? Like Richard Branson, Charles Schwab, Bill Gates, JFK, etc?

https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-entrepreneur-stories-jetblue-kinkos-jupitermedia/

http://www.ranker.com/list/famous-people-with-adhd/celebrity-lists

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

OH, I get it. (Sarcasm) People who can't cope with white collar work? Like Richard Branson, Charles Schwab, Bill Gates, JFK, etc?

https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-entrepreneur-stories-jetblue-kinkos-jupitermedia/

http://www.ranker.com/list/famous-people-with-adhd/celebrity-lists

I KNOW that some people with ADHD can be very successful. That's because they have something that compensates for their lack of focus: they are extremely brilliant at what they do, so their bosses give them allowances for their chronic disorganization, missed deadlines, and the rest. Or they are entrepeneurs. Or they are in jobs that don't require focus and organization (electoral politics?) But here in the real world, what's much more likely is that they struggle, even if they do achieve success, both at home and at work. The key question is how they confront the struggle, and whether their strengths and weaknesses (which tend to be extreme on both ends) mesh with OP's own expectations and needs. Because I'm here to tell you, "exciting" may stop compensating for "disorganized" somewhere down the line when life's responsibilities get more acute.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why I click on these threads--so many people just trying to find something to blame for their lousy marriages.
Op, the answer is that you marry the individual, not a diagnosis. If your boyfriend is unreliable, disrespectful of your time and effort and lacks insight into his own shortcomings, you should dump him--it doesn't matter what the cause is. Many people with ADHD have a tremendous amount of insight into their condition and how to arrange their life to provide the necessary structural supports. It's like diabetes or allergies--you have to recognize the condition and what you need to do in order to minimize symptoms.

And PP, I have a highly competitive white collar job. I never late with assignments--it's not that hard to be on time with electronic calendars, pop up reminderd, plus I use a set of routines I've developed to keep track of my dozens of concurrent assignments. You know whose always late with assignments? The damn millenials that work under me, all of whom seem to think that dates are mere suggestions. I don't think they all have ADHD--it's just how they were raised. So, again, look to how someone acts, not their diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

ADHD is a covered disability under ADA, and you can request a reasonable accomodation for it.

I have six millennials in my office who are on prescribed stimulants for ADHD, and have been since childhood. This next generation workforce will be...interesting...

[Anonymous]

ADHD has had a powerful, and in many ways negative, impact on my life. A prime reason for that is I grew up during a time when it wasn't known. So during my childhood and into my adult life I suffered in many ways. Oh how I wished it had been known and when I became aware of it's existence I had connected the dots and not been in denial when it appeared to relate to me.

So, when I see threads like this I want to divide them because there are people like me, lived decades not diagnosed and untreated, and others that have had the benefit of knowledge and treatment.

That said while there are negatives, there are positives and this link shows many of them. When I go down that list I can identify with many. Among them is creativity, crisis organization, empathetic and caring.

http://www.addcoach4u.com/positivesofadd.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why I click on these threads--so many people just trying to find something to blame for their lousy marriages.
Op, the answer is that you marry the individual, not a diagnosis. If your boyfriend is unreliable, disrespectful of your time and effort and lacks insight into his own shortcomings, you should dump him--it doesn't matter what the cause is. Many people with ADHD have a tremendous amount of insight into their condition and how to arrange their life to provide the necessary structural supports. It's like diabetes or allergies--you have to recognize the condition and what you need to do in order to minimize symptoms.

And PP, I have a highly competitive white collar job. I never late with assignments--it's not that hard to be on time with electronic calendars, pop up reminderd, plus I use a set of routines I've developed to keep track of my dozens of concurrent assignments. You know whose always late with assignments? The damn millenials that work under me, all of whom seem to think that dates are mere suggestions. I don't think they all have ADHD--it's just how they were raised. So, again, look to how someone acts, not their diagnosis.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why I click on these threads--so many people just trying to find something to blame for their lousy marriages.
Op, the answer is that you marry the individual, not a diagnosis. If your boyfriend is unreliable, disrespectful of your time and effort and lacks insight into his own shortcomings, you should dump him--it doesn't matter what the cause is. Many people with ADHD have a tremendous amount of insight into their condition and how to arrange their life to provide the necessary structural supports. It's like diabetes or allergies--you have to recognize the condition and what you need to do in order to minimize symptoms.

And PP, I have a highly competitive white collar job. I never late with assignments--it's not that hard to be on time with electronic calendars, pop up reminderd, plus I use a set of routines I've developed to keep track of my dozens of concurrent assignments. You know whose always late with assignments? The damn millenials that work under me, all of whom seem to think that dates are mere suggestions. I don't think they all have ADHD--it's just how they were raised. So, again, look to how someone acts, not their diagnosis.

This.

You don't have severe or even moderate ADHD if you have a white collar job where you successfully manage dozens of concurrent assignments and are never late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why I click on these threads--so many people just trying to find something to blame for their lousy marriages.
Op, the answer is that you marry the individual, not a diagnosis. If your boyfriend is unreliable, disrespectful of your time and effort and lacks insight into his own shortcomings, you should dump him--it doesn't matter what the cause is. Many people with ADHD have a tremendous amount of insight into their condition and how to arrange their life to provide the necessary structural supports. It's like diabetes or allergies--you have to recognize the condition and what you need to do in order to minimize symptoms.

And PP, I have a highly competitive white collar job. I never late with assignments--it's not that hard to be on time with electronic calendars, pop up reminderd, plus I use a set of routines I've developed to keep track of my dozens of concurrent assignments. You know whose always late with assignments? The damn millenials that work under me, all of whom seem to think that dates are mere suggestions. I don't think they all have ADHD--it's just how they were raised. So, again, look to how someone acts, not their diagnosis.

This.

You don't have severe or even moderate ADHD if you have a white collar job where you successfully manage dozens of concurrent assignments and are never late.

Simply untrue. You know there is treatment for ADHD, right?
Np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why I click on these threads--so many people just trying to find something to blame for their lousy marriages.
Op, the answer is that you marry the individual, not a diagnosis. If your boyfriend is unreliable, disrespectful of your time and effort and lacks insight into his own shortcomings, you should dump him--it doesn't matter what the cause is. Many people with ADHD have a tremendous amount of insight into their condition and how to arrange their life to provide the necessary structural supports. It's like diabetes or allergies--you have to recognize the condition and what you need to do in order to minimize symptoms.

And PP, I have a highly competitive white collar job. I never late with assignments--it's not that hard to be on time with electronic calendars, pop up reminderd, plus I use a set of routines I've developed to keep track of my dozens of concurrent assignments. You know whose always late with assignments? The damn millenials that work under me, all of whom seem to think that dates are mere suggestions. I don't think they all have ADHD--it's just how they were raised. So, again, look to how someone acts, not their diagnosis.

This.

You don't have severe or even moderate ADHD if you have a white collar job where you successfully manage dozens of concurrent assignments and are never late.

Simply untrue. You know there is treatment for ADHD, right?
Np

Shh. We must not say things that don't suit pp's agenda, it would be too earth-shattering. The precious snowflake needs head pats, not facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

This is the perfect spouse for a (functional) ADD partner. If you have dreams of your own high-flying career, or equal partners in everything, it is a recipe for frustration.

As in many things, you are looking for a match. Don't have rose-colored glasses, and remember that every issue you find in someone you are dating will get less easy to tolerate with marriage and children. Don't pick someone who has "quirks" you can barely live with before either of those things happens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why I click on these threads--so many people just trying to find something to blame for their lousy marriages.
Op, the answer is that you marry the individual, not a diagnosis. If your boyfriend is unreliable, disrespectful of your time and effort and lacks insight into his own shortcomings, you should dump him--it doesn't matter what the cause is. Many people with ADHD have a tremendous amount of insight into their condition and how to arrange their life to provide the necessary structural supports. It's like diabetes or allergies--you have to recognize the condition and what you need to do in order to minimize symptoms.

And PP, I have a highly competitive white collar job. I never late with assignments--it's not that hard to be on time with electronic calendars, pop up reminderd, plus I use a set of routines I've developed to keep track of my dozens of concurrent assignments. You know whose always late with assignments? The damn millenials that work under me, all of whom seem to think that dates are mere suggestions. I don't think they all have ADHD--it's just how they were raised. So, again, look to how someone acts, not their diagnosis.

This.

You don't have severe or even moderate ADHD if you have a white collar job where you successfully manage dozens of concurrent assignments and are never late.

Simply untrue. You know there is treatment for ADHD, right?
Np

of course I do. I have a son with mild/moderate ADHD (still not clear how severe it will end up) and it runs strong in his family. I would never in a million years suggest my son or his relatives get a job involving paper pushing/"dozens of concurrent assigments." that would require meth-head levels of ritalin (which already caused serious problems for one relative) or constant stress and misery on the edge of failure. mind you there ARE careers they can be highly successful, no disputing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why I click on these threads--so many people just trying to find something to blame for their lousy marriages.
Op, the answer is that you marry the individual, not a diagnosis. If your boyfriend is unreliable, disrespectful of your time and effort and lacks insight into his own shortcomings, you should dump him--it doesn't matter what the cause is. Many people with ADHD have a tremendous amount of insight into their condition and how to arrange their life to provide the necessary structural supports. It's like diabetes or allergies--you have to recognize the condition and what you need to do in order to minimize symptoms.

And PP, I have a highly competitive white collar job. I never late with assignments--it's not that hard to be on time with electronic calendars, pop up reminderd, plus I use a set of routines I've developed to keep track of my dozens of concurrent assignments. You know whose always late with assignments? The damn millenials that work under me, all of whom seem to think that dates are mere suggestions. I don't think they all have ADHD--it's just how they were raised. So, again, look to how someone acts, not their diagnosis.

This.

You don't have severe or even moderate ADHD if you have a white collar job where you successfully manage dozens of concurrent assignments and are never late.

Simply untrue. You know there is treatment for ADHD, right?
Np

of course I do. I have a son with mild/moderate ADHD (still not clear how severe it will end up) and it runs strong in his family. I would never in a million years suggest my son or his relatives get a job involving paper pushing/"dozens of concurrent assigments." that would require meth-head levels of ritalin (which already caused serious problems for one relative) or constant stress and misery on the edge of failure. mind you there ARE careers they can be highly successful, no disputing that.

What are the best careers for people with ADHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

You're full of ****. Show me where in the DSM for ADHD that it says that people with ADHD can't have strong careers.

I agree. So much misinformation. It's like when parents say the kid behaves in school but not at home, so it must not be ADHD, they're probably just willful and/or lazy. A lot of people with ADHD use all their energy to hold it together during school and work, then sort of fall apart when they get home.

Um, no ... the actual definition of ADHD is that there are dysfunctions in multiple settings. If there's a grown man who's highly successful at work with no issues who claims he just "falls apart" at home and can't take care of any domestic details ... you've been bamboozled. I know that many people with ADHD are very successful but this is because they make adaptations at work (ie a job where it's ok to be the absent minded genius or where no planning/willpower is required) or they really suffer (see: my DH who procrastinates terribly and takes 12 hrs to do 4 hrs of work).

PP, you are getting ridiculous and it's apparent you have an axe to grind.

FYI, some professions can be the exact match for people with ADHD. It could be that the successful ADHD husband is a computer programmer. It's a fact that people with ADHD can be hyper-focused and computer work is easy to get lost in and can be very structured. It can also be a black hole sucking you in for hours beyond reasonable.

FWIW, when communicating with someone on the phone I almost always doing something else on the computer.

I see you can't focus enough to even fully read my posts.

I 100% agree there are jobs that people with ADHD can be suited for. But what happens if the guy hasn't lucked into that specific career? And all jobs require some paperwork. What happens when he goes six months without filing needed reports? Generally if the employee is very brilliant otherwise he'll get a pass, but not everyone is that brilliant.

And what happens at home, where there's a lot of detail work and schedules to keep with kids? If the wife is OK with a traditional marriage where she handles everything, great. If not, trouble.

I do believe that some men with ADHD can be good partners if they are also humble, kind, and aware of their limitations and burdens they cause, and sincerely work on compensating.

Lucked into? Anyone under the age of 40 should have had advantages in dealing with ADHD and should therefore have set a course that wouldn't necessitate lucking into a career.

Schedules? People with ADHD often need schedules/lists to follow. Never had a problem with that but when left with nothing written down I would tend to wander off...

As for the rest of your comments...with a small correction I will simply stand with..." it's apparent you have an ax to grind."