Benefits of ADHD? Screening Dates for ADHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

You're full of ****. Show me where in the DSM for ADHD that it says that people with ADHD can't have strong careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

There are a whole lot of other variables that come into play as to how it affects the rest of the family when the spouse with ADHD also has a high-earning career. It's not something that can be generalized like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

You're full of ****. Show me where in the DSM for ADHD that it says that people with ADHD can't have strong careers.

My XDH has been a senior GS with the Feds for 20 years. He's gotten bad annual reviews on numerous occasions. One office even tried to fire him (he found a file containing documentation of his bad performance) but it went nowhere. I highly recommend the Feds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

You're full of ****. Show me where in the DSM for ADHD that it says that people with ADHD can't have strong careers.

PP, there is some validity to what the PP you responded to said about issues at work etc. but it isn't an absolute nor does it mean it can't be bettered. I had such issues over time but that was pre-diagnosis. At my age it wasn't something known when I was younger. Since I was diagnosed and followed through with education, counseling etc. over time I have learned, adjusted and today I own my business and doing very well. In fact I would say that my ADHD, and some of the traits I have as a result, are quite integral in my current success. Conversely my ADHD was a major cause of a lot of problems in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

You're full of ****. Show me where in the DSM for ADHD that it says that people with ADHD can't have strong careers.

I agree. So much misinformation. It's like when parents say the kid behaves in school but not at home, so it must not be ADHD, they're probably just willful and/or lazy. A lot of people with ADHD use all their energy to hold it together during school and work, then sort of fall apart when they get home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

You're full of ****. Show me where in the DSM for ADHD that it says that people with ADHD can't have strong careers.

I agree. So much misinformation. It's like when parents say the kid behaves in school but not at home, so it must not be ADHD, they're probably just willful and/or lazy. A lot of people with ADHD use all their energy to hold it together during school and work, then sort of fall apart when they get home.

Um, no ... the actual definition of ADHD is that there are dysfunctions in multiple settings. If there's a grown man who's highly successful at work with no issues who claims he just "falls apart" at home and can't take care of any domestic details ... you've been bamboozled. I know that many people with ADHD are very successful but this is because they make adaptations at work (ie a job where it's ok to be the absent minded genius or where no planning/willpower is required) or they really suffer (see: my DH who procrastinates terribly and takes 12 hrs to do 4 hrs of work).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

You're full of ****. Show me where in the DSM for ADHD that it says that people with ADHD can't have strong careers.

PP, there is some validity to what the PP you responded to said about issues at work etc. but it isn't an absolute nor does it mean it can't be bettered. I had such issues over time but that was pre-diagnosis. At my age it wasn't something known when I was younger. Since I was diagnosed and followed through with education, counseling etc. over time I have learned, adjusted and today I own my business and doing very well. In fact I would say that my ADHD, and some of the traits I have as a result, are quite integral in my current success. Conversely my ADHD was a major cause of a lot of problems in the past.

Well none of what you wrote counters what I did. You've accepted and compensated for your ADHD at work -- you don't just magically get ADHD at home when you have to remember to sign the kids up for camp.

[Anonymous]

I know a very successful physician (head of practice) with ADHD. He doesn’t take medication for it but has learned to compensate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

You're full of ****. Show me where in the DSM for ADHD that it says that people with ADHD can't have strong careers.

I agree. So much misinformation. It's like when parents say the kid behaves in school but not at home, so it must not be ADHD, they're probably just willful and/or lazy. A lot of people with ADHD use all their energy to hold it together during school and work, then sort of fall apart when they get home.

Um, no ... the actual definition of ADHD is that there are dysfunctions in multiple settings. If there's a grown man who's highly successful at work with no issues who claims he just "falls apart" at home and can't take care of any domestic details ... you've been bamboozled. I know that many people with ADHD are very successful but this is because they make adaptations at work (ie a job where it's ok to be the absent minded genius or where no planning/willpower is required) or they really suffer (see: my DH who procrastinates terribly and takes 12 hrs to do 4 hrs of work).

So everyone must be like your DH? People learn to compensate. Also, symptoms don't have to be present in every setting, just 2 or more. It could be that someone with ADHD lives their job and can hyper focus on it. Or that they have symptoms at work and have adjusted for it. No where in the standards does it say you must fail at hard work to have ADHD. Come on. Stop trying to minimize what other people are going through because their experiences differ from yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

You're full of ****. Show me where in the DSM for ADHD that it says that people with ADHD can't have strong careers.

I agree. So much misinformation. It's like when parents say the kid behaves in school but not at home, so it must not be ADHD, they're probably just willful and/or lazy. A lot of people with ADHD use all their energy to hold it together during school and work, then sort of fall apart when they get home.

Um, no ... the actual definition of ADHD is that there are dysfunctions in multiple settings. If there's a grown man who's highly successful at work with no issues who claims he just "falls apart" at home and can't take care of any domestic details ... you've been bamboozled. I know that many people with ADHD are very successful but this is because they make adaptations at work (ie a job where it's ok to be the absent minded genius or where no planning/willpower is required) or they really suffer (see: my DH who procrastinates terribly and takes 12 hrs to do 4 hrs of work).

So everyone must be like your DH? People learn to compensate. Also, symptoms don't have to be present in every setting, just 2 or more. It could be that someone with ADHD lives their job and can hyper focus on it. Or that they have symptoms at work and have adjusted for it. No where in the standards does it say you must fail at hard work to have ADHD. Come on. Stop trying to minimize what other people are going through because their experiences differ from yours.

I'm sure some people with ADHD are successful and good partners, with a lot of hard work and forgiveness from jobs and spouses. I am hoping to raise my own son with ADHD to be that way. All I'm saying is that ADHD is literally defined as not being able to cope with the details of life, so OP is damn smart to be making sure she finds a responsible partner that meshes wih her own goals. If you're happy to define yourseld as a SAH whose job is to keep track of your absent minded DH's keys while he peaces out from all housebold responsibilities, great. If you're not, you're in for a world of hurt. See you on DCUM in a few years complaining about being the default parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

LOL, I suppose you know more than his doctors. I hope you are well compensated for yiur expertise.

Of COURSE I pick up the slack at home. I do just about everything because it is my JOB. It is his job to earn an income, which he scores a 10 out of 10 on and it is my job to run a household of 6 people and I try my best to hold up my end of the bargain just as well as he holds up his end.

Im about to blow your mind, but the reason he is not on meds is because it dulls his creativity and he reports that is leaves him emotionless. He does better at work unmedicated. He has had the same employer for 10 years and has earned 4 promotions. And yes he id DX'd ADD and has done a great job with CBT. I also make our home an oasis from stress and use my 9/10hrs during my workday to make evenings and weekends ideal for the entire family. He doesn't ask me to fo into his job and schedule meetings so i dont expect him to butt into my job and start paying bills or scheduling teeth cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

You're full of ****. Show me where in the DSM for ADHD that it says that people with ADHD can't have strong careers.

I agree. So much misinformation. It's like when parents say the kid behaves in school but not at home, so it must not be ADHD, they're probably just willful and/or lazy. A lot of people with ADHD use all their energy to hold it together during school and work, then sort of fall apart when they get home.

Um, no ... the actual definition of ADHD is that there are dysfunctions in multiple settings. If there's a grown man who's highly successful at work with no issues who claims he just "falls apart" at home and can't take care of any domestic details ... you've been bamboozled. I know that many people with ADHD are very successful but this is because they make adaptations at work (ie a job where it's ok to be the absent minded genius or where no planning/willpower is required) or they really suffer (see: my DH who procrastinates terribly and takes 12 hrs to do 4 hrs of work).

PP, you are getting ridiculous and it's apparent you have an axe to grind.

FYI, some professions can be the exact match for people with ADHD. It could be that the successful ADHD husband is a computer programmer. It's a fact that people with ADHD can be hyper-focused and computer work is easy to get lost in and can be very structured. It can also be a black hole sucking you in for hours beyond reasonable.

FWIW, when communicating with someone on the phone I almost always doing something else on the computer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

LOL, I suppose you know more than his doctors. I hope you are well compensated for yiur expertise.

Of COURSE I pick up the slack at home. I do just about everything because it is my JOB. It is his job to earn an income, which he scores a 10 out of 10 on and it is my job to run a household of 6 people and I try my best to hold up my end of the bargain just as well as he holds up his end.

Im about to blow your mind, but the reason he is not on meds is because it dulls his creativity and he reports that is leaves him emotionless. He does better at work unmedicated. He has had the same employer for 10 years and has earned 4 promotions. And yes he id DX'd ADD and has done a great job with CBT. I also make our home an oasis from stress and use my 9/10hrs during my workday to make evenings and weekends ideal for the entire family. He doesn't ask me to fo into his job and schedule meetings so i dont expect him to butt into my job and start paying bills or scheduling teeth cleaning.

Well you pretty much spelled it out, didn't you? You do a TON of compensating for him, including giving up your own career and relieving him of all household duties by making the home "a stress free oasis" for him. Truly, I'm glad you like that. If OP does not, she's going to be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I didnt screen out my ADHD husband! He's extremely crestive ans brings home enough money to support our family pf 6 with a very comfortable DC life. Clearly with 4 kids and me not working, i take care of thr minutia at home, including bill paying, investments, and maximizing tax savings in addition to the kids school and sports schedule. He only has tp focus on his job and coming home and spending relaxing nights and weekends with us.

I would choose him 100xs over again. Messy car, lost credit cards, and misplaced keys and all.

He's probably just a bit scattered and maybe traditionally minded so he "can't" do those things as long as there's a woman around to pick up the slack. People with ACTUAL ADHD also have serious problems at work and don't manage to have high-earning white collar jobs without a lot of stress on themselves and their families. Maybe there's an exception for more adaptive jobs, but I can't think of what they would be.

You're full of ****. Show me where in the DSM for ADHD that it says that people with ADHD can't have strong careers.

I agree. So much misinformation. It's like when parents say the kid behaves in school but not at home, so it must not be ADHD, they're probably just willful and/or lazy. A lot of people with ADHD use all their energy to hold it together during school and work, then sort of fall apart when they get home.

Um, no ... the actual definition of ADHD is that there are dysfunctions in multiple settings. If there's a grown man who's highly successful at work with no issues who claims he just "falls apart" at home and can't take care of any domestic details ... you've been bamboozled. I know that many people with ADHD are very successful but this is because they make adaptations at work (ie a job where it's ok to be the absent minded genius or where no planning/willpower is required) or they really suffer (see: my DH who procrastinates terribly and takes 12 hrs to do 4 hrs of work).

PP, you are getting ridiculous and it's apparent you have an axe to grind.

FYI, some professions can be the exact match for people with ADHD. It could be that the successful ADHD husband is a computer programmer. It's a fact that people with ADHD can be hyper-focused and computer work is easy to get lost in and can be very structured. It can also be a black hole sucking you in for hours beyond reasonable.

FWIW, when communicating with someone on the phone I almost always doing something else on the computer.

I see you can't focus enough to even fully read my posts.

I 100% agree there are jobs that people with ADHD can be suited for. But what happens if the guy hasn't lucked into that specific career? And all jobs require some paperwork. What happens when he goes six months without filing needed reports? Generally if the employee is very brilliant otherwise he'll get a pass, but not everyone is that brilliant.

And what happens at home, where there's a lot of detail work and schedules to keep with kids? If the wife is OK with a traditional marriage where she handles everything, great. If not, trouble.

I do believe that some men with ADHD can be good partners if they are also humble, kind, and aware of their limitations and burdens they cause, and sincerely work on compensating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My XDH had ADHD had very poor self esteem. I am really well organized and have big shoulders, so the lack of a partner in logistics didn't bother me and I rarely criticized him for mistakes.

What I hated, though, was that he seemed really threatened by older DC and refused to help with tuition for that kid's Ivy, supposedly simply because it was an Ivy, although he said he'd be fine paying $55k to an out-of-state public school. Meanwhile he tried to encourage younger DC to be the sort of entitled slacker XDH and his siblings basically are, buying younger DC a car (but no car for older DC, go figure) and actually telling younger DC not to study for a class he had a D in, and actually smoked pot with him. This is what I resent my Ex for, much, much more than his lack of co-parenting or the way he treated me.

I guess my message is, don't underestimate the mental issues, like depression and anxiety, that frequently go hand-in-hand with ADHD.

As someone with ADHD, I think there were other issues driving your husband's attitude, not least of which might be family upbringing.