DS wish to play sports against parents consent

[Anonymous]

OP are you and your son aware that the football season has already started? Practice began on August 14th. In order to participate in a game a player must attend 20 practices before he is eligible. That would preclude him playing until the seventh week of the season. I doubt if the coach would go for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No football at our house. Period. Full Stop. No argument. My boys will not play football. The risk of serious injury, including brain injury is too great.

Yeah, I'm with ya. What is a parenting problem for these parents is that they already said he could play and let him have a taste. He liked it and now they are saying "no". So, I get ya about the issues with football and I said "no" myself. The reasons these parents offer for the "no" are all a bit crazy now that he had a taste and liked it.

Totally different parenting problem now.

OP here. Let me clarify what we agreed to and not agreed to. He insisted on playing football, and we said no, he kept asking, and so we said we'll let him for practice with the team and get some conditioning done, to get a feel for it, and play scrimmage, but never actually getting into games. That part is over, and we want him to stop as we agreed. But now he says he cannot leave the team, they need him, so on. As we understand they have enough reserves to replace, so this is not a problem. This being the freshman/JV team, we did not think the risk of injuries were as serious as some of the other poster above said, if we had known that we would have never let him even start.

So you really really blew it. I am certainly not one to have allowed football, but please be kind to your son when you take this from him. You put a lot of people out since football is a sport with plays and cooperation. You got the coaches to invest in him and wasted their time. You got him excited. Now you are going to snatch it away. It will be embarrassing.

I certainly agree that if the answer is "no" it is "no" and he has to stop playing, but I hope you are kind to him since you gave him this "no" in the cruelest possible way. I hope in the future you show more respect for his feelings.

Please don't pretend that this was nothing you did.

We were trying to balance out his needs to get involved with footbball in some way, as he kept pestering us regularly with various arguments and to make matters worse he had other friends who signed up with whom he kept messaging about it. I know it sounds terrible to quit when the games are approaching. I am just hoping they won't be as bad as we think, if we cannot change his mind, which is unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No football at our house. Period. Full Stop. No argument. My boys will not play football. The risk of serious injury, including brain injury is too great.

Yeah, I'm with ya. What is a parenting problem for these parents is that they already said he could play and let him have a taste. He liked it and now they are saying "no". So, I get ya about the issues with football and I said "no" myself. The reasons these parents offer for the "no" are all a bit crazy now that he had a taste and liked it.

Totally different parenting problem now.

OP here. Let me clarify what we agreed to and not agreed to. He insisted on playing football, and we said no, he kept asking, and so we said we'll let him for practice with the team and get some conditioning done, to get a feel for it, and play scrimmage, but never actually getting into games. That part is over, and we want him to stop as we agreed. But now he says he cannot leave the team, they need him, so on. As we understand they have enough reserves to replace, so this is not a problem. This being the freshman/JV team, we did not think the risk of injuries were as serious as some of the other poster above said, if we had known that we would have never let him even start.

So you really really blew it. I am certainly not one to have allowed football, but please be kind to your son when you take this from him. You put a lot of people out since football is a sport with plays and cooperation. You got the coaches to invest in him and wasted their time. You got him excited. Now you are going to snatch it away. It will be embarrassing.

I certainly agree that if the answer is "no" it is "no" and he has to stop playing, but I hope you are kind to him since you gave him this "no" in the cruelest possible way. I hope in the future you show more respect for his feelings.

Please don't pretend that this was nothing you did.

We were trying to balance out his needs to get involved with footbball in some way, as he kept pestering us regularly with various arguments and to make matters worse he had other friends who signed up with whom he kept messaging about it. I know it sounds terrible to quit when the games are approaching. I am just hoping they won't be as bad as we think, if we cannot change his mind, which is unlikely.

It will be bad. So be sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way in hell I'd let my son play football. Honestly, the research speaks for itself. Right now all a teen can think about is being a cool football player and enjoying the thrill of playing. The risk of permanent neurological damage and deterioration is too high.

+1.

+2. I want my kid to go to a good college too. Most people on DCUM do. Which is why I'd prefer him to keep his brain intact.

But, you really undercut any football isn't a safe sport argumet when you let him start playing football in the first place. I'm not sure how you tell him that now without looking like a liar or an idiot.

If it really is too big a strain on the family's time or money, that is also a perfectly legitimate reason to say no. Outside the DCUM bubble, parents don't always have unlimited resources for extracurriculars. But, if you use this excuse to tell him no football, and then turn around and agree to pour the same amount of time and money into another sport he approves of, you also look like a liar or an idiot.

I would normally have a lot of sympathy for your position. Especially since I think parents who let their kids play football are nuts. But it seems like you care less about his brain health and more about how a particular sport will position him for college. Which I have no patience for.

So here is what I tell my kids about college: if you work hard and get good grades, and do extracurriculars you really enjoy, you will get into the right college for you. If you have to pretend to be something you are not, or that you are interested in something you are not, to get into a college, it is probably the wrong college. You want a college that wants you. The real you.

If this is about football, fine. Say no. You're the parents. But, it's about college, don't make your kid play a sport he hates, somthat he can get a college edge. He'll be better off somwhere that wants him to be himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No football at our house. Period. Full Stop. No argument. My boys will not play football. The risk of serious injury, including brain injury is too great.

Yeah, I'm with ya. What is a parenting problem for these parents is that they already said he could play and let him have a taste. He liked it and now they are saying "no". So, I get ya about the issues with football and I said "no" myself. The reasons these parents offer for the "no" are all a bit crazy now that he had a taste and liked it.

Totally different parenting problem now.

OP here. Let me clarify what we agreed to and not agreed to. He insisted on playing football, and we said no, he kept asking, and so we said we'll let him for practice with the team and get some conditioning done, to get a feel for it, and play scrimmage, but never actually getting into games. That part is over, and we want him to stop as we agreed. But now he says he cannot leave the team, they need him, so on. As we understand they have enough reserves to replace, so this is not a problem. This being the freshman/JV team, we did not think the risk of injuries were as serious as some of the other poster above said, if we had known that we would have never let him even start.

That's really not the way high school sports works. Either you are on the team or you aren't. Now you might not be good enough to play and then sit on the bench, but that's the coaches choice. Why would the coach want a kid who is just using the team to work out for a few weeks?

Frankly since you've let him get this far (aren't the first games in 2 days?) I'd let him play this season. You can then have a more rational discussion for next year. But given his general lack of follow though on other activities, chances are he will have lost interest by next year anyway.

Yeah. This is bad OP. Once one of my kids makes a commitment to a team (sports or academic), or orchestra or class or club, they are required see the commitment out, u less there are very extenuating circumstances, like illness or injury. You don't teach your kids they can quit on teammates or not follow through on a promise. You follow through on commitments and keep promises. The football season has already started, and you want him to quit because YOU don't want to keep your commitment. That's a really terrible example to set.

Also, unless there is a post season, foorball is over in less than two months. A school freshman football team should not be any more expensive or time consuming than any other HS sport. I don't buy that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way in hell I'd let my son play football. Honestly, the research speaks for itself. Right now all a teen can think about is being a cool football player and enjoying the thrill of playing. The risk of permanent neurological damage and deterioration is too high.

Do you let him play soccer where more emergency room visits are made due to soccer injuries? In the sport where more concussions are suffered than football?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's his life and it is okay to try different sports. However, if your DS had advanced so far ahead in a sports activity close enough to put him on the path to make an advantage for college admissions, then if he drops it at that point and chase another activity that isn't going to provide that benefit other than his pleasure, would you recommend it? DS has reached a level close but not enough, but at least he has a chance in other activities. He knows all these things as well, but we feel when they are 14-15 they just don't get the importance of it. This could help him secure a better college admission, why shouldn't we try to insist on him not quitting that and chasing after another.

There's no way that a kid is going to continue to progress at the rate he'd need to for it to be a big factor in college, if he's not interested. So, he's not on that path any more than if he was a klutz. You need to accept that and move on to other things.

Whether you decide football is too risky is another question, but forcing him to play something he's not interested in is throwing good money after bad at this point.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Let me clarify what we agreed to and not agreed to. He insisted on playing football, and we said no, he kept asking, and so we said we'll let him for practice with the team and get some conditioning done, to get a feel for it, and play scrimmage, but never actually getting into games. That part is over, and we want him to stop as we agreed. But now he says he cannot leave the team, they need him, so on. As we understand they have enough reserves to replace, so this is not a problem. This being the freshman/JV team, we did not think the risk of injuries were as serious as some of the other poster above said, if we had known that we would have never let him even start.


So you really really blew it. I am certainly not one to have allowed football, but please be kind to your son when you take this from him. You put a lot of people out since football is a sport with plays and cooperation. You got the coaches to invest in him and wasted their time. You got him excited. Now you are going to snatch it away. It will be embarrassing.

I certainly agree that if the answer is "no" it is "no" and he has to stop playing, but I hope you are kind to him since you gave him this "no" in the cruelest possible way. I hope in the future you show more respect for his feelings.

Please don't pretend that this was nothing you did.

We were trying to balance out his needs to get involved with footbball in some way, as he kept pestering us regularly with various arguments and to make matters worse he had other friends who signed up with whom he kept messaging about it. I know it sounds terrible to quit when the games are approaching. I am just hoping they won't be as bad as we think, if we cannot change his mind, which is unlikely.

NP. No, you weren't trying to balance his needs. He pestered you, you caved and now you're backpeddling. That's on you. I won't let my kids play football but I sure as hell wouldn't reverse a decision like this. It's really going to suck for him. He may eventually forgive you but he'll never forget it. It'll be one of those memories that will always be painful and make him angry when he thinks about it.

[Anonymous]

Child is not an investment.

[Anonymous]

To make him quit now is just plain cruel.

[Anonymous]

Also, you must've signed release forms, agreement on conduct forms, done a physical exam, etc. prior to him even trying out for a team. He makes the team(some schools allow all the kids on JV team, which I think is wrong, failing is learning) and now you are saying quit? Flip, flop, flip, flop... My DD is on Varsity Cheer, I dislike it as much as you can imagine. I don't mind the cheer competition, but cheering on a boys' team? As a European mom, it kills me, but I allowed it and here we are, hell or high water, I made my bed.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Some of you are saying we flip flopped, it's not like that. Probably correct to say we caved. We figured since he is insisting on playing only football and since that is the only fall sports for boys starting in August, it is better to engage in a physical activity rather than do nothing in summer and fall.

Anyhow, he will play the first game, and we will go from there. There are couple of home games coming after that, and then the big homecoming game for the varsity team, all that he could participate, and in another 3 weeks he'll be ready to finish up having done most of the season. We spoke about injuries and concerns about CET, and he has come to realize we aren't unreasonable about it, and so he is ready to move on as long as he has a good exit plan.

[Anonymous]

I am pp who said you flip flopped. But, for the future, you can show him this research, which is not really research but a fact.
I think you made the right decision for now, quitting the team now would cause ton of issues at school, with the coach, with his teammates. What is the likelihood of him playing a lot during the game?
https://www.theverge.com/2017/7/25/16025146/chronic-traumatic-encephalopathy-football-cognition-health[url]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS wish to play football in HS much against both parents consent. He says that is what makes him happy now, after having participated in various clubs and leagues playing other sports such as soccer and swim team. He was good at playing these other activites and we the parents spent considerable amount of time, energy, travel, and resources on these activites plus others. At each one of them he excelled to a fairly high levels but did not pursue to keep going, instead finding another activity. We are not happy with his decision to keep quitting an activity in pursuit of another when he could excel in the activity he showed interest, capability, and us having invested serious time and resoruces. Besides, we are not happy with his choice of football because of injury concerns and his choice to play a position which we feel contributes nothing other than playign offense. Anyhow, we even let him try that for sometime now but we cannot keep supporting his schedule anymore due to travel and time involved. We have other children to take care of as well, and we told we both cannot commit the time and resources required to play football going forward, especially given he has thrown away all the other activities we spent serious time and effort on.

Are we wrong to feel undone with all the effort we put in along with him all these years for him to now throw it all away and do something else totally against our wishes. And, if he insists on it, are we supposed to support him by sacrificing more of our personal time to enable this? where does this end if we keep doing it. We feel enough is enough and time to us to attend to the other things we need to spend time on, and let him focus on academics or play a sport where he and us invested resources already.

NP here and I haven't read the replies yet.

There are two issues to be teased out: First, the switch in sports, and second, the choice of football.
I only want to address the first issue as I'm sure others with more experience in that sport will or have addressed the second.

The first issue of sport-switching involves your feeling as if you've wasted parental resources, and the idea that your DS could stay in one and develop it involves your feeling that your "investment" of parental resources is continuing to grow. These are both assumptions to be challenged.

To this, I say, please drop it. The best part about being in America is you can give your kid choices. Your kid is not being a flake; it's developmentally appropriate at this time for kids to shed their old identities and try for new ones. It's developmentally the perfect time to try new things, as later in life, these kind of choices close in and often adults just stick to what they know.

In addition, one sport builds on another, so it was not a waste for your DS to drop his other sports. He will always know how to play soccer and swim, and he will take those lessons of teamwork and how to navigate different team dynamics, and how to control his body, with him.

I've got a HS DD who is a great basketball player and has loved it since she was 3 or 4 y.o. We've done club, travel, etc; can't tell you how much time/energy we've invested in this. She loved it and always called it "her forever sport."

The deans at her school are great, and once in a presentation to parents, they discussed developmental stages and this concept of switching interests and trying out new identities. Their example was a boy who was in baseball and could throw amazingly well, was on track to be a college recruit, and he quit--the parents were devastated. I'm glad they used that example, because it gave me some understanding when my DD announced that she "hated basketball" and quit. All summer she's been jogging, and doing yoga on her computer. She wants to learn to dance and is starting beginning dance next week (not to compete, just to learn a few moves). She feels that she's gone very deep into basketball and it's taught her many skills, but she feels she's missed out on dancing, drawing, painting, etc, and wants to go in that direction. Great!

In the old days this kind of thing was reserved for the lucky few, and it was called being a Renaissance Man. Today everyone wants their kid to specialize. Specialization can come later. Let your kid be a Renaissance Man!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way in hell I'd let my son play football. Honestly, the research speaks for itself. Right now all a teen can think about is being a cool football player and enjoying the thrill of playing. The risk of permanent neurological damage and deterioration is too high.

Do you let him play soccer where more emergency room visits are made due to soccer injuries? In the sport where more concussions are suffered than football?

I don't think this is true. Please cite your sources.