Dating with extra weight after divorce

[Anonymous]

Ugh, OP, some of these people are awful. Look, the best thing I did when online dating was he really honest upfront..accurate pic, and then I always described myself in memail very accurately. I weeded out the people who considered fat a moral failing or repugnant. It was a great filter: I have no desire to be with someone who prioritizes appearance over personality or character. You've been through a major trauma and you've coped as best you could while prioritizing your kids. That's awesome.

Don't set yourself up for rejection by surprising this guy with your size. You can just be honest and say you're a bit apprehensive b/c your pic doesn't show your whole body and you don't want to waste each other's time if he'd consider extra pounds a total deal breaker. I've had huge reply back like, "thanks, I think we wouldn't be a great fit, and I wish you well!" And I consider that a win. No wasting time.

Btw, I found my husband online and he loved me at that size. I have lost 50 pounds since and he loves me still. It's nice to be with someone who accepts me as I am and supports my goals, especially when my goals had nothing to do with weight loss! (That was a surprise benefit.) Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I've been on and offline dating for the past few years and honesty is the best policy. Post accurate pics of yourself and if you are self conscious about weight, work towards losing it. If you feel attractive with the weight, there will be someone on the other end who won't have a problem with it. Attitude goes further at this age than looks.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, men judge very quickly and mostly based on weight. Doesn't matter how awesome you are in other respects. If you want a shot you have to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Advice: lose the damn weight.

You need to do that whether or not this guy rejects you at first glance.

You had no opportunity to lose 30lbs in 3 years? Doesn't sound very convincing. But oh well, might as well start now.

Especially now. OP you should eat just vegetables, broth fruit and no carbs until you take the weight of. Commit to it, and for heaven's sake
update your pictures to show your body as well. That's consider bait and switch.

[Anonymous]

Op I found Jenny Craig worked, and fast.

[Anonymous]

Update your profile photo and begin to lose weight. Photo's always portray someone in a better light, but 30 lbs is a lot unless you are well over 6'. If your photo "lies", what does it say about the rest of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful what you wish for. I worked out, lost 40 lbs and then found that all I did not like all of the attention! At the end of the day, you want to look good but be with someone who loves you for who you really are. Good luck OP!

Exactly and all you're attracting are losers that would dump you in a minute or cheat for a better outer package.

I'm thankfully happily married many years but I truly wish more women could learn to be happy alone. Too many women I see have self esteem issues.

[Anonymous]

OP, people are harsh and rude on here. It's a personal matter as to how and if/when you lose the weight.

I dated after divorce, dated as an overweight woman in her late 30s. Online dating isn't fun per se, but I had a good experience, met educated, attractive men, including fit who were interested. Ended up recently remarrying someone I met online. Before that, I had some positive dating "fun".

Anyway, the KEY is that you have to post representative, flattering pictures, including that show your mid-section. There should be NO surprises when you meet someone in person. Don't put them or you through that.

[Anonymous]

What body type did you list?

[Anonymous]

Go on the date, wear an outfit that flatters your body type, and put your best self forward. It's just a date, consider it practice - if it's a fit, great, if not, no worries. But I would update your photo to be more clear about what you currently look like. You want to find someone who's attracted to you (and yes, there will be such people!), and not waste people's time and stress yourself out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put up accurate pictures. Then you don't have to worry about being rejected. If he rejects you, it could be because he's not attracted to you or because he thinks you are a liar.

If you put up current pictures, you will get men who find you, as you are now, beautiful. Isn't that what's you want?

+1

[Anonymous]

people are harsh and rude on here.

Oh please. Good luck dating. Don't be dishonest. If you're fat, lose weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long as you eagerly gobble his knob on the first date, he won't mind that you lied (as expected) in your profile pic.

Truth!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

people are harsh and rude on here.

Oh please. Good luck dating. Don't be dishonest. If you're fat, lose weight.

It's fine if you don't want to date an overweight person. You can even think they're disgusting. But as someone who dated overweight, I met plenty of people who felt differently--so don't represent that they have no chance. The OP made a dumb mistake posting misleading pictures. People do that all the time, stupidly, for all kinds of reason (to hide body hair, to hide relative height, other perceived flaws).

Whether you like it or not, a LOT of people are overweight, including in the dating world. They shouldn't stop living "until" they lose the weight. It may never happen. And a person can be deserving of great love and success regardless of their weight.

[Anonymous]

Go on your date, have fun, wear some spanx and flattering clothes.