Dating with extra weight after divorce

[Anonymous]

I have been divorced for 3 years, and am ready to start dating again. But the divorce has taken a toll on my body, and I probably have 30 extra lbs sitting around on my middle. I have made an online connection, and will be meeting the guy next week. I have a very attractive face, style, and am self confident. But am wondering if men will be turned away by the extra lbs? Of course my profile pic does not show the extra weight. I am afraid of being rejected on first glance!
FWIW I haven't had sex in 5 years, and am eally hoping to find someone!
advice!

[Anonymous]

If it is not a match, it is not about you. As my second husband says, who I met online incidentally---there is a man who loves every body type!

All this said, I lost 22lbs during my divorce, but I didn't have kids and dealt with minimal assets. Do you have kids? That extra stress would do it. Also, it is ok to habe a friends with benefits situation, just to figure yourself out sexually again. My first marriage was sexless, so it was an important part of my healing process. Be kind and loving to yourself!!

[Anonymous]

Advice: lose the damn weight.

You need to do that whether or not this guy rejects you at first glance.

You had no opportunity to lose 30lbs in 3 years? Doesn't sound very convincing. But oh well, might as well start now.

[Anonymous]

Long as you eagerly gobble his knob on the first date, he won't mind that you lied (as expected) in your profile pic.

[Anonymous]

30 pounds is a lot of weight. My best friend got divorced and lost 20 pounds. She met someone new and is just recently engaged to a fabulous man. I think she looks better at age 39 than when she was 29.

[Anonymous]

Put up accurate pictures. Then you don't have to worry about being rejected. If he rejects you, it could be because he's not attracted to you or because he thinks you are a liar.

If you put up current pictures, you will get men who find you, as you are now, beautiful. Isn't that what's you want?

[Anonymous]

Post accurate pictures. It's really inconsiderate to waste people's time/money pretending to be thin. Like it or not, the 30lbs are a real turn off to many men.

[Anonymous]

The false advertising isn't cool.

[Anonymous]

Always use at least one recent full body shot.

[Anonymous]

Usually the very FIRST thing women do when they leave their husbands is drop a bunch of weight and get tightened up.

They wouldn't go to the gym for their husbands, but they'll get in shape so complete strangers will try and bang them.

But you didn't do this... So that speaks to your character. I'm sorry you find yourself in this predicament. But I strongly caution you not to feel bad about it. If some guy is put off because you think you're 30lbs overweight, then that guy is an a-hole anyway. Really.

If you WANT to lose weight, then go ahead and do it. But DON'T do it just so you can meet a bunch of jerks.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, so sorry you got such a harsh crowd. if there is a shred of good advice in all the meanness here it's that it probably is a good idea to show one relatively accurate picture so that you don't encounter the jaw drop upon meeting. Mix it up with plenty of flattering face photos. imho not a deal breaker but like everything else, it can be challenging to find the right person ... good luck!

[Anonymous]

I would not go on second date with somebody who was 30 pounds over her profile pic. Aside from being unattracted to the excess weight, i would not trust you.

[Anonymous]

I keep updating my profile pics, but I am tall and the extra 50 lbs looks like nothing. I am dating. Self-conscious. But I am honest with the fact that the divorce wrecked me a little, and I am working to fix it. I am picking guys right now that look like they may not be as fit as others. Dating helps me get back into that routine and lose weight. So, I am keeping at it. I have found several people who don't mind. But I workout a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: But the divorce has taken a toll on my body,

Let's be clear. Your overeating has taken a toll on your body. Advice? Eat less and exercise more.

[Anonymous]

Thirty pounds overweight is disgusting to someone in good shape. You should be realistic and date a fat guy. And you will absolutely be relieved by numerous men if you keep your deceptive pictures on that site.