DH rejects any intimacy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, I'm in the same position, except my DH has no love language. Just wanted to commiserate. We've been together for 20 years -- no kids, but fully enmeshed with each other's families and friends. I have no idea how to leave.

Same here. Not leaving. I'm not upending my life for the possibility I might find someone else. I've just accepted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, I'm in the same position, except my DH has no love language. Just wanted to commiserate. We've been together for 20 years -- no kids, but fully enmeshed with each other's families and friends. I have no idea how to leave.

Same here. Not leaving. I'm not upending my life for the possibility I might find someone else. I've just accepted it. [/quote] How do you get past the sexual frustration and feeling rejected?

[Anonymous]

There is something very, very wrong here. Don't accept anyone saying otherwise. Either he is gay or he has some major issues he needs to address. Insist on therapy, or leave.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm going to break with what some of the other posters are saying.

You are 29. If you get divorced, that'll take a year. Say you spend a couple of years dating before you meet a better match, that will take you to about age 32. Then you spend a couple of years dating the right guy before you get engaged. Then you spend a year engaged, now you're 35, at least. Then you spend 6 months getting pregnant, and nine months actually pregnant. Now you're 36/37 when your first child is being born. And that's if everything goes according to plan, and you have no trouble.

If you want kids, I'd think long and hard before ditching a starter marriage to a guy who would make a good father. You can get divorced later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is something very, very wrong here. Don't accept anyone saying otherwise. Either he is gay or he has some major issues he needs to address. Insist on therapy, or leave.

No. You are just a sexist trump supporter. You would not say the same thing if the genders were reversed. Maybe op is not doing enough house work or maybe the op is just horrible at sex( very common with women).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm going to break with what some of the other posters are saying.

You are 29. If you get divorced, that'll take a year. Say you spend a couple of years dating before you meet a better match, that will take you to about age 32. Then you spend a couple of years dating the right guy before you get engaged. Then you spend a year engaged, now you're 35, at least. Then you spend 6 months getting pregnant, and nine months actually pregnant. Now you're 36/37 when your first child is being born. And that's if everything goes according to plan, and you have no trouble.

If you want kids, I'd think long and hard before ditching a starter marriage to a guy who would make a good father. You can get divorced later.

How will they conceive without sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm going to break with what some of the other posters are saying.

You are 29. If you get divorced, that'll take a year. Say you spend a couple of years dating before you meet a better match, that will take you to about age 32. Then you spend a couple of years dating the right guy before you get engaged. Then you spend a year engaged, now you're 35, at least. Then you spend 6 months getting pregnant, and nine months actually pregnant. Now you're 36/37 when your first child is being born. And that's if everything goes according to plan, and you have no trouble.

If you want kids, I'd think long and hard before ditching a starter marriage to a guy who would make a good father. You can get divorced later.

How will they conceive without sex?

He is probably gay and is using the marriage for cover. Babies with wife = more cover.

I'll bet he'd be open to trying for a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm going to break with what some of the other posters are saying.

You are 29. If you get divorced, that'll take a year. Say you spend a couple of years dating before you meet a better match, that will take you to about age 32. Then you spend a couple of years dating the right guy before you get engaged. Then you spend a year engaged, now you're 35, at least. Then you spend 6 months getting pregnant, and nine months actually pregnant. Now you're 36/37 when your first child is being born. And that's if everything goes according to plan, and you have no trouble.

If you want kids, I'd think long and hard before ditching a starter marriage to a guy who would make a good father. You can get divorced later.

How will they conceive without sex?

He is probably gay and is using the marriage for cover. Babies with wife = more cover.

I'll bet he'd be open to trying for a baby.

Op here, he said that he is ready for kids, but I said I'm not ready until we have a healthy sex life. No changes have happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm going to break with what some of the other posters are saying.

You are 29. If you get divorced, that'll take a year. Say you spend a couple of years dating before you meet a better match, that will take you to about age 32. Then you spend a couple of years dating the right guy before you get engaged. Then you spend a year engaged, now you're 35, at least. Then you spend 6 months getting pregnant, and nine months actually pregnant. Now you're 36/37 when your first child is being born. And that's if everything goes according to plan, and you have no trouble.

If you want kids, I'd think long and hard before ditching a starter marriage to a guy who would make a good father. You can get divorced later.

How will they conceive without sex?

He is probably gay and is using the marriage for cover. Babies with wife = more cover.

I'll bet he'd be open to trying for a baby.

Op here, he said that he is ready for kids, but I said I'm not ready until we have a healthy sex life. No changes have happened.

Yep. I knew he would be. Your sex life isn't likely to get better.

Honestly, I'd consider having children now. If you're going to decide that your low drive (but likely gay) husband is all of a sudden a deal breaker, understand that you're perhaps greatly jeopardizing the possibility that you'll have them.

Yes, this is DCUM where everything works out perfectly for everyone, and you'll have 10 posters on here telling you about how they were able to put it all together at age 38 despite the odds, and how they have no regrets and so on... but DCUM is not real life. If you stroll over to the money board, you'll see that everyone makes north of 300k, and if you go over to the beauty board, you'll see that most of the posters insist that they look 10 years younger than their actual age, and so on...

Think about whether you're willing to have kids with a best friend, which it sounds like he is. There are worse people you could have kids with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm going to break with what some of the other posters are saying.

You are 29. If you get divorced, that'll take a year. Say you spend a couple of years dating before you meet a better match, that will take you to about age 32. Then you spend a couple of years dating the right guy before you get engaged. Then you spend a year engaged, now you're 35, at least. Then you spend 6 months getting pregnant, and nine months actually pregnant. Now you're 36/37 when your first child is being born. And that's if everything goes according to plan, and you have no trouble.

If you want kids, I'd think long and hard before ditching a starter marriage to a guy who would make a good father. You can get divorced later.

How will they conceive without sex?

He is probably gay and is using the marriage for cover. Babies with wife = more cover.

I'll bet he'd be open to trying for a baby.

Op here, he said that he is ready for kids, but I said I'm not ready until we have a healthy sex life. No changes have happened.

Yep. I knew he would be. Your sex life isn't likely to get better.

Honestly, I'd consider having children now. If you're going to decide that your low drive (but likely gay) husband is all of a sudden a deal breaker, understand that you're perhaps greatly jeopardizing the possibility that you'll have them.

Yes, this is DCUM where everything works out perfectly for everyone, and you'll have 10 posters on here telling you about how they were able to put it all together at age 38 despite the odds, and how they have no regrets and so on... but DCUM is not real life. If you stroll over to the money board, you'll see that everyone makes north of 300k, and if you go over to the beauty board, you'll see that most of the posters insist that they look 10 years younger than their actual age, and so on...

Think about whether you're willing to have kids with a best friend, which it sounds like he is. There are worse people you could have kids with.

What in the actual hell!!!!!!

Why would you bring a child into a very rocky marriage that you are not a 100% sure you wanted to stay in??? The pp is insane!!! Because it's better to have a couple of kids at 35 even if it means that you'll have to raise them on your own if you then decide that you can't in a sexless marriage??? Because having kids is the end all/be all to life? You can't be happy/fulfilled without being a parent?

Oh COME ON!!!

I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world but there is no way I would just hurry up and get pregnant in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm going to break with what some of the other posters are saying.

You are 29. If you get divorced, that'll take a year. Say you spend a couple of years dating before you meet a better match, that will take you to about age 32. Then you spend a couple of years dating the right guy before you get engaged. Then you spend a year engaged, now you're 35, at least. Then you spend 6 months getting pregnant, and nine months actually pregnant. Now you're 36/37 when your first child is being born. And that's if everything goes according to plan, and you have no trouble.

If you want kids, I'd think long and hard before ditching a starter marriage to a guy who would make a good father. You can get divorced later.

Nah. If she is normal, relatively attractive and looking, she'll get snapped up fast. Remarried in 2-3 years. Can have a kid shortly thereafter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm going to break with what some of the other posters are saying.

You are 29. If you get divorced, that'll take a year. Say you spend a couple of years dating before you meet a better match, that will take you to about age 32. Then you spend a couple of years dating the right guy before you get engaged. Then you spend a year engaged, now you're 35, at least. Then you spend 6 months getting pregnant, and nine months actually pregnant. Now you're 36/37 when your first child is being born. And that's if everything goes according to plan, and you have no trouble.

If you want kids, I'd think long and hard before ditching a starter marriage to a guy who would make a good father. You can get divorced later.

How will they conceive without sex?

He is probably gay and is using the marriage for cover. Babies with wife = more cover.

I'll bet he'd be open to trying for a baby.

Op here, he said that he is ready for kids, but I said I'm not ready until we have a healthy sex life. No changes have happened.

Yep. I knew he would be. Your sex life isn't likely to get better.

Honestly, I'd consider having children now. If you're going to decide that your low drive (but likely gay) husband is all of a sudden a deal breaker, understand that you're perhaps greatly jeopardizing the possibility that you'll have them.

Yes, this is DCUM where everything works out perfectly for everyone, and you'll have 10 posters on here telling you about how they were able to put it all together at age 38 despite the odds, and how they have no regrets and so on... but DCUM is not real life. If you stroll over to the money board, you'll see that everyone makes north of 300k, and if you go over to the beauty board, you'll see that most of the posters insist that they look 10 years younger than their actual age, and so on...

Think about whether you're willing to have kids with a best friend, which it sounds like he is. There are worse people you could have kids with.

What in the actual hell!!!!!!

Why would you bring a child into a very rocky marriage that you are not a 100% sure you wanted to stay in??? The pp is insane!!! Because it's better to have a couple of kids at 35 even if it means that you'll have to raise them on your own if you then decide that you can't in a sexless marriage??? Because having kids is the end all/be all to life? You can't be happy/fulfilled without being a parent?

Oh COME ON!!!

I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world but there is no way I would just hurry up and get pregnant in this situation.

OP described the marriage as sexless but otherwise good. She hardly described a "rocky", high conflict relationship.

Having kids is absolutely not the end all and be all of life. However, it is a serious lifelong regret for many women who don't have them. Especially once they start aging themselves and realize that their maltipoo isn't going to be able to manage their medical care in the nursing home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm going to break with what some of the other posters are saying.

You are 29. If you get divorced, that'll take a year. Say you spend a couple of years dating before you meet a better match, that will take you to about age 32. Then you spend a couple of years dating the right guy before you get engaged. Then you spend a year engaged, now you're 35, at least. Then you spend 6 months getting pregnant, and nine months actually pregnant. Now you're 36/37 when your first child is being born. And that's if everything goes according to plan, and you have no trouble.

If you want kids, I'd think long and hard before ditching a starter marriage to a guy who would make a good father. You can get divorced later.

Nah. If she is normal, relatively attractive and looking, she'll get snapped up fast. Remarried in 2-3 years. Can have a kid shortly thereafter.

This. If you're good looking and have your sh#t together, men will be clamoring for you. Even in female-centric DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm going to break with what some of the other posters are saying.

You are 29. If you get divorced, that'll take a year. Say you spend a couple of years dating before you meet a better match, that will take you to about age 32. Then you spend a couple of years dating the right guy before you get engaged. Then you spend a year engaged, now you're 35, at least. Then you spend 6 months getting pregnant, and nine months actually pregnant. Now you're 36/37 when your first child is being born. And that's if everything goes according to plan, and you have no trouble.

If you want kids, I'd think long and hard before ditching a starter marriage to a guy who would make a good father. You can get divorced later.

How will they conceive without sex?

He is probably gay and is using the marriage for cover. Babies with wife = more cover.

I'll bet he'd be open to trying for a baby.

Op here, he said that he is ready for kids, but I said I'm not ready until we have a healthy sex life. No changes have happened.

Yep. I knew he would be. Your sex life isn't likely to get better.

Honestly, I'd consider having children now. If you're going to decide that your low drive (but likely gay) husband is all of a sudden a deal breaker, understand that you're perhaps greatly jeopardizing the possibility that you'll have them.

Yes, this is DCUM where everything works out perfectly for everyone, and you'll have 10 posters on here telling you about how they were able to put it all together at age 38 despite the odds, and how they have no regrets and so on... but DCUM is not real life. If you stroll over to the money board, you'll see that everyone makes north of 300k, and if you go over to the beauty board, you'll see that most of the posters insist that they look 10 years younger than their actual age, and so on...

Think about whether you're willing to have kids with a best friend, which it sounds like he is. There are worse people you could have kids with.

What in the actual hell!!!!!!

Why would you bring a child into a very rocky marriage that you are not a 100% sure you wanted to stay in??? The pp is insane!!! Because it's better to have a couple of kids at 35 even if it means that you'll have to raise them on your own if you then decide that you can't in a sexless marriage??? Because having kids is the end all/be all to life? You can't be happy/fulfilled without being a parent?

Oh COME ON!!!

I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world but there is no way I would just hurry up and get pregnant in this situation.

OP described the marriage as sexless but otherwise good. She hardly described a "rocky", high conflict relationship.

Having kids is absolutely not the end all and be all of life. However, it is a serious lifelong regret for many women who don't have them. Especially once they start aging themselves and realize that their maltipoo isn't going to be able to manage their medical care in the nursing home.

You have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to get flamed for this, but I'm going to break with what some of the other posters are saying.

You are 29. If you get divorced, that'll take a year. Say you spend a couple of years dating before you meet a better match, that will take you to about age 32. Then you spend a couple of years dating the right guy before you get engaged. Then you spend a year engaged, now you're 35, at least. Then you spend 6 months getting pregnant, and nine months actually pregnant. Now you're 36/37 when your first child is being born. And that's if everything goes according to plan, and you have no trouble.

If you want kids, I'd think long and hard before ditching a starter marriage to a guy who would make a good father. You can get divorced later.

How will they conceive without sex?

He is probably gay and is using the marriage for cover. Babies with wife = more cover.

I'll bet he'd be open to trying for a baby.

Op here, he said that he is ready for kids, but I said I'm not ready until we have a healthy sex life. No changes have happened.

Yep. I knew he would be. Your sex life isn't likely to get better.

Honestly, I'd consider having children now. If you're going to decide that your low drive (but likely gay) husband is all of a sudden a deal breaker, understand that you're perhaps greatly jeopardizing the possibility that you'll have them.

Yes, this is DCUM where everything works out perfectly for everyone, and you'll have 10 posters on here telling you about how they were able to put it all together at age 38 despite the odds, and how they have no regrets and so on... but DCUM is not real life. If you stroll over to the money board, you'll see that everyone makes north of 300k, and if you go over to the beauty board, you'll see that most of the posters insist that they look 10 years younger than their actual age, and so on...

Think about whether you're willing to have kids with a best friend, which it sounds like he is. There are worse people you could have kids with.

What in the actual hell!!!!!!

Why would you bring a child into a very rocky marriage that you are not a 100% sure you wanted to stay in??? The pp is insane!!! Because it's better to have a couple of kids at 35 even if it means that you'll have to raise them on your own if you then decide that you can't in a sexless marriage??? Because having kids is the end all/be all to life? You can't be happy/fulfilled without being a parent?

Oh COME ON!!!

I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world but there is no way I would just hurry up and get pregnant in this situation.

OP described the marriage as sexless but otherwise good. She hardly described a "rocky", high conflict relationship.

Having kids is absolutely not the end all and be all of life. However, it is a serious lifelong regret for many women who don't have them. Especially once they start aging themselves and realize that their maltipoo isn't going to be able to manage their medical care in the nursing home.

You have issues.

Nope. Many women who have dealt with infertility would make the same case.